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Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode · 1 year ago

Show 63 Valentine Vivitrol

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Love is in the air... and it stinks! Or does it? It's Valentine season and the Selling Out Show gives their definition of love, discuss blowing up buttcheeks with a Vivitrol injection, #boycottbigholidays, and the trouble with writting a ditty for that special someone. Plus, we may have been ghosted by Toby! Listen up buttercup.

Looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The Goddess is the woman? is a woman? Is Any woman? Is All women? Hello, hello, hello, and thank you for tuning in to the selling out show where we screw up life at our leisure for your listening pleasure. I am one of your host David Schultz, and over here by my side is Mr Nate Gorzinski. Nathan, how are you good, sir? I'm okay, man, I'm I'm ready to go. I'm in a good, good mood. You know you. Love is in the air, my friend, I don't know, I'm sure we can get into that, but I will. I will say I'm doing I'm doing good today. I feel good. How about yourself, man? Well, I am also in the Mood for love, simply because you on me. And Yeah, this is our Valentine's Day special. That's what this is, or rather what it should have been. But, just just like love itself, I suppose nothing ever goes is truly intended, and everything that I had planned for us, and are awesome listening audience kind of fell apart. Now you notice, obviously you're sitting right here, but I, everybody else I didn't introduce toby. Toby sculpts right, our other CO host. He has completely gone Mia. Yeah, man, it's it's a mystery, it is, but it's a Valentine's Day mystery day. Hopefully it's gonna Valentine's Day murder scene. Oh, I hope not. Man. Yeah, because we really don't know where he is. I've been reaching out to him. So this is milk carton territory here. Nate, I am man, I am nervous. I had said I feel bad even joking about it, but I was like, Oh, I hope he's not incarcerated and then I'll feel really bad if he's in car serrated for some reason. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it feels weird talking about it because we don't know what's going on right. So it's it's kind of like we're in a weird spot. But we just want to let you listeners know we did have a potentially better show plan for you then we may end up with today because, you know, we don't know where our third our third listen. I'm just being honest. Okay, all right, I can dig it, but but to say we don't have a good show plan because toby isn't here. Oh well, it's me. Hurts my soul. Listen, Dave. Yeah, I will tell you I love working with toe. Will be, but I almost feel like something's in the cards, because it's like, you know, Dave, it's just me and you today. Back to basics. You and I have known each other longer I probably you're probably the person I've known longer than anyone else that I still talk to on a regular basis like this. Wee still interact. We've been through some thick and thin. I'm get a little deep here because it's it's it's a love episode and I have a lot of love for you, David. Then you've been honestly my best friend over the years, for longer than anyone else, because we've both been through some crazy shit. Our whole show is kind of based on the fact that, yeah, we had these rough youths, these rough years in our past we had. We both had times where our other friends may not have even wanted to talk to us, but we were always there for each other. I could always count on you to let me crash at your place when no one else wanted me around. You let me kick fucking opiates at Your House, you know your apartment and you know and I nursed you through some some rough times too. I'm sure you...

...know. I remember so much time, but you know, I don't want to keep hogging this, but I want to say, man, you are. You are my best friend and it's kind of interesting that has back to back to just you and me on this sisode. Dave, I genuinely appreciate that right back at you, but it really doesn't mean a damn thing unless you give me a perforated Valentine's Day card from a kit with some form of popular cartoon character on it. Right, soaking Mouse Valentine. I don't even know if Mickey Mouse is still cool, as he still hip? I don't know what's up. Like, was he ever hip? Maybe? You know, that's a great question. I don't know. We could go ask some swinging seniors and they may say, Hey, listen, Mickey and mini, if you don't get one of those Valentine's Day cards, you know this just isn't you know? The cats me out. I don't know. You know. Yeah, so, but you know, that's great net. You know, and, like you said, we are the original two and we will do our best to keep on trucking, you know, man, keep on rocking and rolling it, because, yes, this is a Valentine's themed episode. I do have a question for you. Sure, define love. HMM, don't look at the dictionary, just define love. For Wha? Can I ask Alexa Sirie? You could, I mean if there's if you have to do that, it might be kind of show how blacking your soul is that you can't even think of anything without some kind of AI assistance. But feel free now. I just I think it'd be interesting to find out, because it's me. It's kind of an indefinable thing. It's it's it's a feeling of obviously like I don't know if you'd see a kinship with another person. I mean you can love things other than people. I love animals, but it's in a different way. You know, not to get like Kinky. Yeah, I don't get creepy on me now. We're we're not on that. Listen, I get kinky with people to don't get me wrong. Oh yeah, but anyway, no, love is love is, yess, indescribable. It's that feeling of connection with another person where you're happier to see them usually. Well, I was going to say you're happy to see them, then you are when you're not with them. But love sometimes is strong and you I may my girlfriend will say to me a lot I love you, but sometimes I don't like you because I yeah, we've had some rough times, but we still love each other. So it's like it's a deeper thing than sometimes you know, it's deeper connection where you know through thick and thin, you still gonna have that kinship in the end, that relationship. I don't know, maybe I should ask Serie, because I am might a lost for words. Yeah, what do you think you could? I mean I'm still kind of amused by the fact that after you brought up beast reality, it basically wasn't a good segue and you were even like anyway. So, yeah, love, it's an undefinable thing, right. I tried to smooth over that. Yeah, after the the record scratch. Yeah, I think Siri or Alexa would just basically give you the textbook definition of love. You know, whatever. It's different for all people. You know, in a second. Yeah, Hey, Siri, define love. Love means an intense feeling of deep affection. Okay, see something. It up in a couple words. That's why Siri is my bitch. Bro I love Serri. Oh yeah, old that. It's going to be intense, man. It can't just be like minor feeling or just a lingering thought. She's like it's intense. Yeah, man, which I don't know anybody who's been married for any extent of time, or or, let's say you've been with your significant other for less ten years right describes anything they do this point in time is intense or extream not maybe arguments. Well, you got me there. You know, you are correct to Shay. Yeah, I mean we've had some...

...doozies, but you know, carly and I definitely have been. It's about eight years. It will be eight years in March, and yeah, it's that's why I was getting at. Sometimes we have had times where we're not really even talking to each other. Usually it's because of something I've done. You know, I'm a I'm a knucklehead, but you know, the pendulum swimmings both ways. But the point is, at the end of the day we still love each other. We know we're going to get over it. It's not at the point where we're worried about like, Oh shit, are they going to leave me. I'm I mean, I'm sure if things got really bad, you know, I don't know. I'm thinking myself into a whole. You are point, you know, you really Ah, what am I doing? Yeah, man, you're just fucking shoveling away over there. I'm like, what is he? What is he trying to say? You mean really, you like will always be together? Well, unless I do something incredibly stupid. Bid. Yeah, which case she will, for her own benefit, mentally, physical, spiritual, leave me in the dust. Yes indeed. Wow. Yeah, maybe I should just tell her that this episode never came out. No, I mean, you know what, it be perfectly honest. It's not just you, or like you saying, you kind of going on and kind of like going down to different avenues trying to explain the sensation or feeling of love. It is different for each and every person. It's different for every creature. You know what I mean? So sure, truly, it's just yet again, indescribable in its core sense. I mean, you could ask anybody or again looking in a deaf dictionary, and it's going to tell you one thing. But is that necessarily translate to how you feel? Use that. Think you feel love right. The answer is no. You know, the thing is, emotions in general or so subjective. You don't know if other people feel the same feelings because, in a scientific way, they're all it's all just chemicals being released. You know, you can say love is that flood of Oxytosin and, you know, doping me out or whatever. It is Serotonin, one of the endorphins. As we're I'm looking for you, things that are released into your blood that make you feel good, and so, on a chemical level, it's like things are happening, but it feels more special, it feels more you know, it doesn't feel chemical, it feels more etherial than that. And when things are like that, you don't know someone is experience in the same things, you know. So it's you know, what I call love, someone else might not call love. Yeah, right now, now we're getting into that whole topic where it's like, when I see the color red, when you see the same color, do you see like what green looks like? To me? And Yeah, like no one will ever know. No, but very true. You know, I dropped a lot of acid in my day. So did I. that's why we're talking about this. Yeah, right, exactly. I mean I don't know, man, I don't know. It's it's kind of funny because if you ask me any point in my existence what love means, I would give you a completely different explanation for it. What are depending on what decade it is. That's good point, I believe. I've told you many a time how I'm not a believer in true love, okay, which is something that people love to put into poems and everything else. My True Love, my soul mate. Right, soul mates, right now it's like, well, you know, you don't really have a big sample size. You born in a certain era, you live in a certain geographical location. Yeah, so you were limited as far as your exposure to certain people or things that you could in fact possibly consider something exactly or soul. So you make do with what you got. Do you attach yourself to somebody or again said things that make you extremely happy? Then yes, is that love? That's up to you. Right. So what you're saying is is you've gotten older, you've learned to settle more for things, you've lowered your expectation. Well, yeah, I guess you could say that right, because you know, when you're younger, you are the hopeless romantic,...

...right, maybe neither of our significant others should listen to yeah, no, absolutely not. This is going to be used as blackmail. But seriously, you know, as a teenager I thought this was shit that would be attainable, right, I would write. I'd be like, I'm the lucky one, it was me. I found it hippy. And then that ended and you had to pick up the pieces and it was devastating and terrible and then it happened again and again and again, and then you kind of desensitize yourself to certain things where it's like, yes, I not to use the word settle, but say I have accepted this in my life, the something that I truly do love, but have to temper my expectations and realize could in fact come to an end at some point in the future and inevitably to really bring things down. Always does, because we're all going to die. So yeah, exactly. Yeah, your your relationship is either going to end in the heartbreak of breakup or death, but way the other baby. So Happy Valentine's days. Yes, from Happy Valentin's Day from the selling out program please stay away from windows and sharp objects. Now, if you actually return the question to me, the first thing I was going to say about love. Yeah, was you can only love the booty. That was all about the booty. It's all about the booty hole. Well, I was needing, but okay, but I bring this deep in the Booty Hill, deep in the booty hole, and I bring this up because something is happening to your booty. Yeah, Oh, yeahcome a second. He was like, Oh, that's right, there there is something. I have a big days. Yeah, your I have a big day coming up involved in my ass. Howls about it please. It's not. Yes, it's not proctology either. It's not a whole bomber Colin Osby. No, it's I have been going to get this medication once a month. And full disclosure, last year I had this back injury that I talked about on the show kind of endlessly at one point, and when I was done with that whole injury, I was on a bunch of pain killers that ended up not doing wonders for my pre existing addiction issue. I've, you know, talked also about my heroin addiction for years whatever. I've gone on and on about it. But anyway, so last year ended up being a really rough year for me and, by the end of the year was really desperate and it was the whole two thousand and twenty was so horrible for everyone and for me I was like, Goddamn, this is like I was at the end of my rope really and I tried to hide it. Didn't talk about it on the show really, but by the end of the year things were rough. But my point is I was able to turn it all around, like I ended up going getting some help, going to treatment and getting back on my feet and I'm actually in a better place than I've ever been in my life, like I'm super healthy. The putting on anyway. The point is to help me along, just to make sure I don't fuck up. Is I have this training wheels sort of medicine in me. It's called a vivitral shot. You get the shot once a month and it's basically a block or it's just blocks. It blocks opiates, so if I were to try to use opiates of any kind, it would just be wasting my money. I wouldn't feel it. It's basically the same medicine that they give people when they're overdosing. They you know, because it blocks all your open receptors, so they immediately come out of it. Yeah, so I get a shot of like a month's worth of that into my ass cheek once a month, and so it's a dude, that's a lot of fucking medicine. I'm month's worth of this stuff is like this huge horse needle, giant fucking needle. And then and then she squirts it in and it's funny making small talk with the nurse and I'm like she says, Oh, I got my first half of the vaccine or whatever, the coronavirus, a covid vaccine, and and I'm like, Oh, is that about like the same size as this shot, because I'd heard it was uncomfortable, you know, the it was a big shot in your arm. And she goes, Oh, no, that vaccine is nowhere near as big...

...as there's shot I'm about to give you. And Dude, she's squirts the thing in my ass and it's like, I all I can think was, like, you know the people that are so paranoid about the vaccine shot and like they're going to inject Nano bots into us, like the que and on conspiracy shit. Right, I don't want these nanobots. If they bud of fit rosy, the fucking robot from the jetsons into my ass with that shot, like that's what it felt like going into my ass the leg. Yeah it, Dude. I trying to sit for the next few days. Man, I don't know how people do steroids. Man, Your Test Shit, they tender. It's like a big lump. Like, as an addict, right, if you miss your vein, if you're shoot injecting heroin and you miss your vein, it turns it to this big bubble under your skin. It can absess, it can get infected it. It's really gross and it's like awful. So I anytime they would give me, at whatever facilities, the tuberculosis tests, like the PPD test, in your hand, where they or whatever they do it, and they inject a little bump of shit under your skin and it's supposed to if it reacts and turns a color, then they have to treat you or check if you have tuberculosis. It's a thing they do at, you know, jails or hospitals and all these places where there's a lot of people. But Anyway, I always feel like, Oh shit, you don't want to inject under the skin, you want to hit a venge, because I'm my addict past. I'm feeling like if you're squirting it right in and it's making this bubble of fluid under my skin or in my muscle, I feel like that's going to be bad and going to get infected in all this. So even ask the woman when she's shooting the stuff in my ass, I'm like, I'm like, is there a risk of like absess, because this feels like a lot that you're squirting in there. But she's I got that's going to say? She says, yeah, motherfucker, we boilings up in a spoon with toilet bawl water. Rely. Yeah, it's teral exactly. I know, I know that's true. Most of the shit that gets infected in your arm from shooting up is probably like battery ascid wrap point, whatever the fuck they cut. That shame. But anyway, yes, yeah, I didn't mean to Jomb know my point is. My point is just that I'm getting this shot my ass again. I'm do on Tuesday. Believe that whatever it is this coming week and and that will assure me that I don't fuck up for another month. So it's almost like I preplan my clean time for the for the month. You know what, I mean I'm not I'm not going to get high. I'm not going to shoot dope for or do pain killers or anything for the next month. So I know that. So it's kind of like reaffirming it at the beginning of the month and I only have to make the decision once for the month and I know I'm going to be good. So it's it makes the effort a little easier when you're in early recovery and technically I could do that for the rest of my life, you know what I mean. So and just never get high again. And the good thing about it is because I didn't want to be on like a methodone or some boxing where I'm going to be sick if I get off that. You know, it's another addiction. This is just a blocker. If I miss it one month, I'm not going to like, my body's not going to hurt from not getting it. It's just like, you know, I could get it late or I could get it in the next month or it's like, you know, it's not like I'm on a medicine that it's going to hurt me if I don't have it. I can't get it. So well, you look at forward to this injection now, are you a yeah, I love it. Yeah, I was going to say maybe you could like fetish fetish size it. Fact can say the worst that coming out a fetis fetish size, fetishize, not. Yeah, you make it fin fetish out of it. So I'm trying to say like, Oh, I can't wait for that day when I get all that liquid jacked up in my butt cheek. Dude, you know, you know it's funny you say that because fat Mike from no facts, who we used to talk about every episode, I think he'll nothing. If that's right. Wow. But Fat Mike was his really into kink and he would he have this girlfriend who would inject sailing into his breasts so he would get tits and they would just slowly fade away as the saline like work this way into the system. But he he said it would be like they'd be really tight and...

...painful. It would hurt so much because they'd inject like all these CC's of fucking sailing into his breasts. But he's like I got to wear a brad see what I was like. I was like just get fat. His name's Fat Mike. He's got tits already right. I think this was for great small talk while you're getting the injection. Sure, sure, talk to talk to the nurse about Kink. Yeah, well, I just about you know. Maybe you know putting some injections in your in your chest. Yeah, Gayle, we do that. Is that a right? Because he's that still a fatty enough areas. I'm really intrigued by the thought of having breasts. Yeah, no, I still am grossed out by like I said, the inner junkie and me still feels like I have like an absess waiting to happen. Like the thing is, if you missed with the drug and you felt that lump on your arm, your you you try, you'd have to try to rub it and like hope it like worked its way into other areas and didn't just sit there and get it infected like. So that's what I'm doing with my ass cheek. I'm trying to rub it in, like yeah, I don't know. I've been desolitely kink. Yeah, it could be if you rubbing. Yeah, I mean I think everybody does it. I don't think it's very sure, Aboo. Yeah, it's good, but I've that's vanilla. It's vanilla on the scale we're like this vanilla, this chocolate strawberry. This is Neapolitan, motherfucker, but it was. Lately I've been really interested in like awkward conversations and engaging in them and starting them so like they yeah, yeah, right. It's like for you to like bring that up casually while she has a needle in your butt. Shake to me would be like fantastic. It's like recently I was house hunting. I just put in a bin on a house that I won. Some very happy about that, but at the time I was so time I just didn't want to embarrass my wife. This is the only reason why I didn't do yeah, is I wanted to be like no, this is great, you know, when I'm talking to the realtor rather, so put yourself in this scenario. People, sure you know, okay, entertaining me here and be like Oh, yeah, so this is good. That's good, the lighting is good, the wiring is good. But about the dungeons. You guys have a pit, because I really need a place to hang my ball gags and, you know, my torture devices, because my death cult comes over every Wednesday and it's very important. You know, I like in my head I'm laughing hilariously, like that'd be so funny to bring up and then just be like, Oh, I'm just kidding. Oh, I'm nervous. Yeah, nervous, you know, but I really I don't know. I keep having these these scenarios in my head of like random things to bring up. And that's another funny thing because as a kid I would have done that. I wouldn't ask, I would have just said it. I wouldn't give a fuck. But now I'm a respectable adult, so I keep that stuff inside until I podcast about it later in the week. Right, like what, who was it that you when we were younger and you were introduced to them and said, Oh, hi, touch me, I'm sick. Oh, that was someone at your parents house. That was, yeah, someone they hired for something and he came in. Yeah, look, a piano tuner or somebody that carstenter. Yeah, and he just came in and say, I'm sowings on my high touch me, I'm sick. You know. I'm like yeah, you know, but anyway, no one cares about that. Yeah, no one gives a fuck, they say, they just don't. What I supposed to hold our friendship was. Yeah, it's true. You are like fourteen, testament to time. That's what that is true testament to time. I think we yes, we are, and since I am old, I want to get this out of the way before I forget, because senility might be creeping in or, you know, I might just drift off and start talking about butter scotch candies. It's a it's a real hazard, it's a thing. It very much so do not hesitate to call nine one if you feel the impulse to suck on a butter Scotch canty or off from to others, because that means you were definitely probably sprout in some silver cotton candy in places that you used to have color in. Now I want to thank our partners of our or humble of a program here, Alpine hampcom. Now, I love CBD. CBD is good stuff. Helps me out throughout the course of my day to relax and also with a lot of pains, strains and aches that I'm dealing with. Alpine hemp is one of the cheapest places you can find,...

...but still with a top quality product that you would expect from any other retailers of CBD. So make sure you check them out. Northland vaporcom. I am a vapor used to be a smoker. Not No more, though, sucker. No, because that stuff stinks, makes your fingers gross, makes your breath terrible. I'm buying a new house. Imagine if I was smoking in my new house. The walls look right. Thank you. You just do. Yeah, it's terrible. So if you know a smoker, if you are a smoker, it's time to quit. Man. Sorry, two thousand and twenty one for crying out loud. We're in the future. You got rosy injected in your butt cheek. The jetson's are here, you know, I mean they did. They weren't smoking in the jet. Maybe they were, but they shouldn't have been. Maybe, but northern vaporcom is where I get my juice from. I love it. It's dike tone and artificial sweetener free, so it's even better than other companies were in they put a bunch of random stuff. You might not know what's in it. They have retail locations in North Dakota and Minnesota and, of course, make sure you check out their website, northern vaporcom. Now both of those sites you can save nineteen percent off your order by using codes. Selling out nineteen, which is pretty good, because it is, in fact, Valentine's Day. So impress your lover by showing up with some sabd and some vape supplies. Now, the next company I'm going to bring up is extremely pertinent to Valentine's Day, because it is spunk lubecom. Getting Romantic, you want to light the fire, get on the bearskin rug makes some magic. Well, there's no better way to get the person that you're trying to Schmooz in the mood then with some spunk lube. So make sure you visit spunk lubecom today. Now, Nate. Yes, sir, do you have anything else on the docket you would like to discuss before we go into your very special Valentine's Day edition of Nate's notes? Well, I just want to say just a quick little aside about Valentine's Day. I want to just voice my my protests, and this is cliched at this point. I feel like a lot of people have touched on this, but just that Valentine's Day seems to be yet another ploy by the card company's hallmark. What have you to just, you know, guilty, you into buying products and you know, like why, why is this the day that I have to show my loved one that I love them? You know, then and it's like this, it just seems like too in personal it's like, Oh, this is when you're supposed to do it. So it's like a forced thing. So I'm just saying right now again, my girlfriend should not listen to this, but I'm celebrating Valentine's Day and buying things under protest. God Damn it. I think that we should just always show the people we love that we love them and you shouldn't have to do it on a certain day and feel like if you don't, there's a you know, that you're somehow a piece of shit. And just on that note, Bill Burr would talk about how he and his wife would go out to dinner and celebrate Balantis. They but wait till like the day or two after so the crowd is died down. Maybe the prices of things are died down, candies, even things like that. So, you know, stick it in their craw get the sale items. I was going to say skip town until February fifteen and then to serious swing by your local store and then buy all the mark down stuff right flowers suck because they die. I hate buying flowers. Women Love Flowers and I can kind of understand, you know, the whole esthetic pleasure right of receiving the flowers, but then in a week they're dead. You just spent an army leg for them. So you did mention card companies. At first I thought you're going to bring up tops or dawn rust, maybe times. They baseball cards? No, yeah, those cards. Talking Hallmark, the hallmark moments. So basically nate. Just in a nutshell here. Yeah, you're saying Fuck Valentine's Day. A...

...little bit. Yeah, little bit, we bit, you know. Okay, you know. And while we're at fuck all the other one. You know, who are you to tell me when I have to support our veterans or celebrate George Washington since birthday, you know, or yeah, any of that Shit. I thought should father's Day. Oh, Mother's Day, yeah, come on now, your birthday even. Who are you to tell me I need to celebrate your birthday on the day you were born? Fuck that, yeah, right, fight in the power good. I think that's a t shirt we should make for sale, sure, on our shop, just like Fuck Easter. Fuck, you know, fuck fight big holiday light, big holidays. Yeah, exactly, this new campaign for the Big Farma. It's like big holiday. Yes, the conglomerate that's in charge of telling us when to celebrate these things. Yeah, that's fuck those people. Well, you know, we I get some things to take care of us, we'll put a pain in it. But then when I try, with everything else going on in my life, like breathing, yeah, then maybe I'll have the time, effort an energy to go outside and pick a hall mark, which I'm sure they probably don't get a lot of a lot of that going on. I doubt that every should is outside of their shoulders. Yeah, we should, we should. Yeah, all right, Ay, thank you for sharing that with us. In the rest of the world, you are got a Valentine's Day any forest celebration? Grench? Yes, so now, without further ado, let's talk about a topic you are much more eager, or happy to in fact, celebrate, the art form known as music, does your lps. It's time for nate. No, no, why don't you write me a love song? She says. I mean I write songs, I write poetry and stuff. It's a valid question, but I haven't been able to do it, and I feel bad about that. It's not for lack of love. She and I have a happy, solid, loving relationship. We've gone through ups and downs, had a lot of fun and also proven our loyalty to each other through some very rough times. She's certainly been there for me to a level that no human has cause to be. But yet I struggle to put these feelings into a song. A good love song can make a moment seem even more special. Couples have their song, the one that comes on and instantly reaffirms their connection to each other or reminds each individual partner of their counterpart when they hear it on their own. Love is one of those subjects that transcends nearly all musical genres. Whether your thing is country, R and B hip hop, rock, metal, industrial or Goth, you can probably find a love song that speaks to you. It's one of those subjects that just lends itself to artistic expression. Some emotions are universal. I mean, I like an angry hateful song once in a while, but I'm not really an angry hateful person, so I can only identify so much. But we have all felt strong feelings associated with love in one way or another. I say one way or another, which brings me to my next point. Love is a many faceted emotion in itself. One can feel the peace and serenity of that sort of comfortable love that one experiences in a long term, secure relationship, or you could be feeling the excitement of a new crush or the exhilarating passion of a new sexual fling. Sometimes there are feelings of obsession or jealousy that may not be totally healthy, but they are good fodder for lyrics. And then, of course, there is the...

...whole other side of the blade, those painful feelings of loss and heartache from a relationship ending or otherwise unrequited love. Now, personally, I enjoy all kinds of music, all kinds of genres and subject matter, but for the majority of my life I was steeped in Goth and industrial music, mopy, dark stuff that went along with all the black I used to wear. I don't know if the chicken or the egg came first. Like did I gravitate towards so much depressing music because of my inherent nature, or was I turned into a mopy goth by the bands that I first really got into? I believe I've gone into that bit of psychologicals be lunking on an earlier episode, but I've written roughly sixty of these pieces by this point, so I'm not sure when and I don't remember if I came to any kind of conclusion on that matter. But suffice it to say that those darker parts of the love experience tend to inspire me as a songwriter more than the shiny, happy, gushy stuff does. I feel those butterflies, those moments of sheer happiness and contentment that real love brings, but I have trouble putting them into colorful poetic phrasing. I have trouble saying anything poignant about them without feeling like I'm being cheesy to anyone with a little musical knowledge out there. I write a lot of songs in minor keys because major keys feel a little Corny to me and minor keys often just sound sad or contemplative. This is not to say that to this day I only write dark songs about lost love. I've had a lot of rough years where love didn't even enter the picture because I was more concerned with finding money for drugs or surviving in prison or on the street there's a lot of words I wrote about those years and they're certainly not love songs, although there's an argument to be made that addiction is a weird form of relationship, abusive and one sided as it is, but I won't go into that here. That's a whole other can of mental worms I'll leave unopened for now. But what I'm getting at is that as a young, artsy, Weird, oh teenager, I had a lot of misconceptions about what love is. I had a lot of weird role models and I had a lot of hormones rushing through me that probably didn't mix too well with all the drugs I had also started taking, and thus I wrote more about the awkward, Shitty parts of my interactions with the opposite sex, and that stuff just seemed to flow more easily out of me. I had read an interview with some veteran song writer long enough ago where I forget who it was, and he said that when you are young and an inexperienced writer, that's all you write about. heartbreak, can pain. He said those subjects are basically a refuge for novices, and while I still love me a good sad song, I see what that faceless old songwriter meant. Look at any teenagers notebook or diary. Most if not all, of the poetry or song lyrics will be about a breakup or unrequited crush, and that's perfectly normal. The point of the aforementioned interviewee was that at some point a true artist will be inspired by other emotions or occurrences across the tapestry of our shared existence. I'm learning as life goes on and I experience different things, I find myself moved in all kinds of ways. Plus, I listened to a lot more points of view. Artistically, I've read a lot more books, a lot more poems, a bit of philosophy. You know, I've gotten old. So I practice writing from other points of view. I practice trying to put other emotions into poetic phrasing.

But for some reason, whenever I try to write a love song that encompasses how good things are in my life with my significant other, how much I appreciate everything she's done for me, how much my life has improved just from her walking into it, my goddamn inner goth kid just POPs up and calls me a Corny Douche until I feel too selfconscious to finish the thing. God Damn You, Trent Resner, Robert Smith, Ros Williams. I think you assholes screwed up love songs for me. Yeah, well, why you just write a song about a Goddamn Corn Cob pipe, saying this is about you because I love you. Yeah, no, I mean you're an artist, right. So just say it's a different form of poetry, it's a different now way to express and then she says, how does a corn cob pipe fit into this whole thing, this whole scenario? Just say you are the the tobacco in it and I am the the part that you suck on. I don't know, just it's a metaphorical maybe. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yes, well, dude, it's just it gets awkward because I'll sit around, I'll play songs and I've got all these old songs that I wrote and Dude, have got songs I wrote about. I have no problem writing about a girl that died that you know I was with or you know, because that's like this some deep emotions I went through and it was just like everything felt poignant at that time or or like whatever. It's just for some reason that shit inspires me. To write more what I'm happy. I don't feel like picking up a pen or an instrument. I feel like enjoying the moment, right. I when I when I pick up an instrument or a pain, it's because I feel like I'm purging something, almost, you know what I mean. Even if, even if I'm not writing about love, even if I'm just writing about, like I said, the years that I spent fucking my life up, it's like it's easy to write about that pain, and that's why it's like it's hard work. That interview I talked about where the guy said, yeah, that's that's easy stuff, to write about the pain, the the real challenge is to write about the other shit. So I'm I'm trying, you know, I practice and I'm I'm and I'm writing some shit and I'm yeah, if it's not too cheesy, Ella, all writer, a fuck us a dude. When you were young, you're great artist, right, and then someone in your classes, Oh, can you draw me a picture? And then the next person says can you draw me a picture? Now, I know it didn't have this like deep seated meaning the suggest an illustration, but I guess annoying right. It's something that you do to relax or to express yourself in a certain way or manner. If your pedetrist, you probably want to keep your work at work. You don't. You don't want to go out to a party and then you're enjoying something and someone says, odd, man, I got this on my foot. Can you check this out? And you're like no, call the office, motherfucker. You know what I mean. It's like the comedian where they are all like, tell me a joke, say something funny. Yeah, like, what the fuck? What I'm saying or trying to get out here was just tell her. Let's just pick a song for us. This already been made. That sure you know already kind of sums up how we feel or our times together. Yeah, and let's roll with that and then when inspiration strikes, whether it be today or never, you'll get your song. Don't force me exactly. You know exactly. I'm sure you know. I always end up writing about like individual experiences. So maybe they'll be a day that we spent, I don't know, I'm just thinking hypothetically. They'll be a day that we do something and I'm inspired to write about an experience we shared together. Something like that. It's just hard for me to put, I don't know, the Mushy gushy I love you stuff. It's just I have trouble doing it, man, I don't know, it's weird. The booty, I wow, I had the booty earlier and never fails me and just always fall back on that booty just to get inspired by like two life crew and sh yeah, exactly, that's it, man, just talk about yeah, dirty stuff, me so horny. Yeah, and then she'll never ask you to write another. Yeah, just just do it...

...poorly. So they haven't asked you to it. Exactly. There you go, right, killed two birds with one stone, right there. Fuck it. I wrote your fucking Song. I wrote it about you TWAT. Now you don't like the song about that's what. So you're not going to ask me to write another. That's what you get. What you're gonna get it right, come on, Geez, Louise. Oh boy. Well, I don't know personally if anybody's ever asked me to write a song for them. Maybe I know people have asked me to write things for them because they think I write decently. Yeah, you're great, ready to do but I'm better at spouting things off. At the top of my head, that actually sitting down inscribing. You know what I mean. I'm more an ye man. I'm not much of a finisher. I'm a spitballer. Yeah, that's it. That's it. No, totally. I like me and you were let's come up with the concept for this. I'll be fucking be bopping and rocking and driving all right the place, and it's like, okay, great, now, let's sit down and get it done, hammer it out, and I'm like yeah, yeah, that's why it was hard to play music with you sometimes. I know it's hard enough. It's hard to do anything with me anyway. I'm a fucking piece of shit. But UH, nate, great peace, very, yes, very perfectly placed for our Valentine's Day special, which has probably not been so Valentine's esque yet. The theme has run through this entire show. I'm very proud of us. Yeah, man, stayed on topic, because you know you yeah, I'm target exactly, and we just brought up spitballing. That's what we had to do for this program and I think we did it very well. So pack yourself on the back. All right, we didn't fuck this up. I think the we had to think on our our toes, on our feet, you know, right whatever. Somewhere on the bottoms of our body we think off of that where. I do need to mention that we have social media. That's true. At selling out show, you can find us in all that good stuff. You name it, we probably kind of have it. I we don't. I've been what I've been doing a little more on the facebook. I used to neglect that, but I'm actually getting a little more active on it. So if our listeners want to, you know, interact with me on I run the facebook and I'm actually once in a while, actually posting things there. So that's at at selling out show one. That's right, because we're just selling out. Sure, one US. You don't need to add you twitter, right. Yeah, so that's the twitter. That's those twitter people, Dude. You know they a I am we don't have a tick tock yet. We need to work on that. I don't even know what it is. Yeah, I started my own instagram finally, but I it's not really a show thing, but I am there. I don't know. How do we find you? To give us your handle. My name is just nate Gorezinski and you can learn how to spell that yourself. Do some work. If you want to find me go it's going to take some effort. We also have an email address selling out show at GMAILCOM and I specifically wanted to point that out because if any of you, anybody at all, has any knowledge or information about the whereabouts of Toby Scofield, please do not hesitate. WHO's that? I forgot about him. Yeah, he's a cohost that ghosted us on Valentine's Day, the cohost with the ghost. That's him and and I'm slightly worried because he's not like that. So now let's kind of pull back the curtains here for a second. Show how the sausage is made. Now, if you have like a messenger service or whatever, it tends to show you when somebody's online. So when I was first concerned, I wrote him a messenger you will live, what's going on, and it said last time active, whatever, five minutes ago. Oh Shit, so he he's alive. Well, I mean somebody is, somebody or using his phone or device, but I like to believe he's alive and I would like to thought he would eventually. Yes, the plot does thinking, and I would like to think he eventually will come home, like a wayward dog who's left on the side of the freeway. Yeah, finds him, get there,...

...eventualizes his master. I don't know, that's a weird thing to say. I'm like, fucking up, man, I'm telling you, I was bringing up you're fine. Weird Shit. I don't know. It's always a surefire sign when I got to get away from a microphone. You had to find peace with yourself. Yeah, just zen it up. I'm gonna be good. Guys in the living shit out of it. But Ny, you have anything else you would like to add before we get the fuck out of here? Just pray for me and my sword. But she yeah, that's a good campaign. I like that better than picketing all mark. Yeah, well, I can see. There's no reason we can't do both things. True, but I can see la cans on like a seven eleven at the checkout where it's going to picture your Oh my God, supple cheeks, sure donate here. Yeah, the Cheek Fund nates, but Cheek Fund, yes, my goodness. All right. On that note, I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning in to our show today. We truly do appreciate it and I haven't been giving them out all the time, but it is Valentine's Day, so virtual hugs for all of you, virtual everything. Really. We live in the age of Covid so anything you would normally get at this time of year, we are now giving it to you virtually, virtually in spirit. So it's a double Wami. Enjoy that show all right. So we are now hitting the road, going down the tunnel of love and hopefully we're going to find some good stuff. I am Dave, that is nate, and this has been the selling out show.

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