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Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode · 1 year ago

TURKEY TIME MACHINE

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

GOING BACK IN TIME TO 2019 AND REVISITING A HOLIDAY STAPLE: We've cooked up a buffet of buffoonery with all the fixings! Dave is joined by guest host Toby to talk living in Texas (3:50), play a hilarious game of Jive Turkey Trivia (7:29), a belly busting brainstorming session on how to make Thanksgiving more marketable (18:43), plus what NOT to be thankful for this holiday season (33:19). This show is guaranteed to be more fun than a can of cranberry sauce spilling all over your creepy uncle who flew in from Cleveland. Click play and have a few laughs on us. Don't worry, we'll tidy up.    

Yes, this was a reposted show. A great one. Gobble Gobble. New Ep coming soon. 

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You were now too, did to the selling out podcast. What it does is beaches into your brain chemically and low cat your happiest memory chemically and then blocks on that emotion and releases it chemically, and then it keeps your happy, happy. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the selling out show. I am one of your host David Schultz, and by my side is not my partner in crime, nates. No, unfortunately he is sick. He's actually in the hospital right now, so it's I can't say too much. I'm sure when he returns he will fill you all in, but definitely send good vibes his way. Luckily enough, I have another good pal of mine sitting in. I am joined by Toby Schofield of the secret transmission and secret levels podcast. Toby, thank you for coming here. And every one of your podcast starts with secret. So what do you have to hide? Man, I don't know exactly. It's just a gimmick that x accidentally carried over into all my shows and I don't know. It's a long story of why everything's such a secret. I guess I want to thank you for being here. I think I thank you already, so that's to thank yous. But, you know what, I'm in the mood. I'm in the spirit because it's thanksgiving. Yes, Thanksgiving happens to me, my favorite holiday, really, really. That is why what? Okay, thank you for asking me. I'm not going to keep this a secret. It's because I am a fat fuck and I love to eat and I hate responsibility. You see now, yeah, think about it. Christmas, right, you got to go places, you got to buy people shit. You know, it's just a lot of work, it's a lot of hassle. Fourth of July, fireworks, WHOPLA, Yada, Yada, Yada, all this fucking grandiose bullshit. Right, thanks giving? No, I don't have to deal with any of this, no rapping, no glad handing or anything like that. I us have to show up, eat, sleep and then I don't. Maybe get up and eat again. That's about it. Well, and then all the sales, all sales. Are you a black Friday guy? No, no, actually, I'm the kind of person that waits until like Friday afternoon when everything's been picked over and I go see what's left. You're a buzzard. Yeah, which I'm here. I'm a buzzard, fucking scavenger. Yeah, I'll never do black Friday. I did at once when I was a younger person. I think I said young person's game. Actually, if you ask me, who's actually going to wake up early and go fucking try to buy a Shitty TV for our great price? Because that's what it is. You See, I wish I could be like that, but I'm so lazy that I'm like, I don't know, I'll pay the extra four hundred dollars for the TV. I don't care. I don't have to fight the crowds and I get to sleep in. Well, now they let you do most of it online. There's a lot of that. Oh, you can shop black Friday starting now at wally world. Just fucking go online and you're runner pants and buy a Roku. Yeah, trying to target us, to trying to target those fat lazy fucks like we are. That's what they're trying to do. That they realize they missed out on our market. Right. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad because again, I don't have to leave the house and I can get some good deals and then I'll go buzzard over what's left at the stores. There you go at a boy and you happen to live in Texas? Yes, which is AMA tech. You are at Tex and be you're a light. We were lifelong Texan. Are you from here? No, I I was born and raised. You're right here in the great state of Texas. What's with that great state stuff? Where did that come from? It you know what? I really don't. I don't.

I don't. I mean I've got, I guess, a little bit of Texas pride, but I don't have it as hardcore as the real textans. You know, Texans love slogans, the come and take it. Don't mess the texts. Yeah, what's Lone Star State? Yeah, I don't know. We've got to stars at night are big and bran. I mean we've got a we got a bunch of goofy Texas stuff. I don't get any of them. You know what I mean? It's the whole come and take it thing. To me, I always say, because I'm from Massachusetts originally. Now I live here, but in Massachusetts we'd say will you can take it, borrow it, just bring it back when you're done. Texas has to be hostile coming fucker Turket. Come on, it's like this seems to be Mexico. What do you mean? Come and take it? Well, yeah, you know again, I don't get the the big Texas, but I don't understand that the state pride or the town pride really because, like it's it wasn't my choice to be born here, it just happened. So why should I be real super proudful of it? I don't know, it's weird. Well, you know, I I understand what. People are happier where they're from or whatever, and I get it. I can support that to a certain degree, but Texas takes it to a whole fucking new level. It's just basically fuck y'all. We're from Texas, where the best yehaw and all that good she had. Yeah, I'm surprised you guys let Turkeys in Texas, speaking of Thanksgiving. All, wait me. You guys love to hunt? That's the other things. Yeah, none, every everyone hunts. In fact, funny story I for my work. I work in the wholdfield and I ruined some guys hunting this morning by pulling up real early to go check some of the wells and I could just see him glaring at me through their dear blind and I was like yeah, sorry, man, I'm just doing my job. Did he go you Smite Sam on you and try to follow you around, maybe shoot you in the ass? I did get a little bit nervous because I was like, Oh, I don't know if these rednecks are going to be ticked off at me or not, so I'm going to do my job, get out of here as quickly as possible and avoid any kind of confrontation with these guys. Move. That was that's pretty wise actually. But enough about your fucking lousy job. That sounds terrible. Yeah, it is. That sounds like a horrible position to have. I hope it pays well. Yeah, so that means no, it's good enough. Yeah, okay, it's good enough that you can have a redneck fucking shooting a pellet gunny fucking ass. That's good enough for me, making fucking Nice seventy five an hour. Yeah, but again, we are here to talk thanksgiving, because I say we because that's what I want to talk about. And I also love to play games. Do you like games? I love game. You do it. What's your favorite game? Like video game or I was I know you host the video game podcast. So I wasn't going there as thinking more like shoots and ladders. Oh See, I'm a monopoly guy, obvious. Sit there and play monopoly to the very end and I'm hardcore about it, and everyone will be like, dude, let's just call it quits, we've been sitting here for four hours. No, I need all the money or if this isn't going to end well, the game I have prepared for you today is not monopoly, not even fucking close. So you're not going to have any yeah, any leg up on this. Okay, but it's more like a game show, if you will. So let me go over here and grab my really long Pencil, microphone, own my plaid jacket. Let me put that on and if you are ready, sir, we can rock and roll. I am ready. It's now time for America's least favorite game show, a tragic Thanksgiving tradition sadder than I cannock squash, grab your drunken uncle and get ready to play along with all right, toby, this is jive Turkey. There's going to be four questions for you here. Okay, so you have a chance to break even, but all the questions will be relating to you guessed it, thanks giving.

Are you now ready to play? Jive Turkey. I am so ready to play a jaft Turkey. You jeans are getting tight thinking about this right now. Yep, okay, question number one. While we all know Black Friday whip sales starve soccer moms into a frenzy the day after Thanksgiving, which industry shows the biggest spike in sales the day before the holiday? A bakery, B bar or see condom? HMM, like, I mean like multiple choice for you to yeah, know that that helped the way last yeah, and I feel like there's going to be a trick to this. I mean bakery seems like the most obvious, but yeah, let's just go with bakery. Even final answer. Yeah, but I feel like you're tricking me. So maker. Okay, wait, hold on for a second. You feel like I'm tricking you. which way would you go if you felt like it wasn't a trick? What was be again? Okay, so the options were a bakery, B bar or see condom? See, okay, I would go with Bar, like we're talking like alcohol, right. Yes, yes, when I say Bar Bar, industry condiment. Yes, yes, I feel like that, because people are lonely and everyone's going out see family and some people can't go see family or whatever the case may be. So that would be my backups be but I think bakery is gonna I don't know you, okay, just you're gonna have to tell me. Okay, so you're sticking with bakery. Bakery. Yeah, okay, you should have went with your back up, because the correct answer is bar man for the reasons that you thought to people go and they go home. Maybe they like me their transplants, they live somewhere else and they go when they visit their friends from high school, what have you. Or again, maybe they just lonely pieces of shit that needs something to do and they hit the fucking bar. So yes, you suck. I was. I was on the rat track. I just I knew that that was going to be tricky. I should have never led you in the leaks. That was the problem, as my failure as a host and out of the PODCAST, but of the game show here. I should never said are you share? Think about this for a second. I'm not gonna do that again now. Was your only free being. You're fucked it up, Dang it. Okay, all right, number two. It's now normal for the president to playfully pardon a Turkey from the chopping block. But under which commander in chief did the practice become an official tradition? A whit more, B Hw Bush or a CE KOVIC? Who? I'M gonna go with be Bush, I guess. I don't feel like that's a I don't know, I don't really know how long that tradition has been around. MMM, I'm just I'm gonna with me. Let's let's go with be you are correct. Yes, it was George Hw Bush in one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine. There were other presidents before him that would set free a Turkey. Partner. Trick, I believe, might even started with Nixon because one of his kids was sad to see a Turkey slaughtered for Thanksgiving. But you know what, beyond all this there was there was actually a trick to this question. Because Whitmore and Kovic, we're not actual presidents. Right. So you pick. What do you write? Right? You, you made it sound like it was tough. You like, Jeez, I don't know. Well, I didn't know who the the third one was at all and I was like maybe maybe I just don't know how my presidents that's why I did this to you. That's why I tried to fuck you up, because most people don't. I don't even, but I was hoping you might have guessed one, because if both movie presidents with Moore was the presidents from Independence Day, played by Bill Palman, and Kovic was from the Movie Day, this movie from one thousand nine hundred and ninety three. Man, I don't know live. You seen this movie right where he's he looks like the spitting image of the president. Yes, and he gives a place and sigourney...

...weaver ends up falling in love with him. Spoiler alert. so that was Dave Kovic. The best part of that movie is when they're reading the little book and they're like, Dave has no AH. They're talking about like the parts that he's missing from the little book. I don't know, it's that's the only part of the movie I really remember. Yeah, that part. Fuck, it sucked. Okay, so next question. This is going to be the hot air round. Oh Man, they're ready. Yes, which character has made the most appearances as a balloon at the annual macy's Thanksgiving Day parade? Before you give me the answers, my first thought would be snoopy really. So I want to hear this anthem, you're going to change the answers on me and put snoopy in one of them. Now, well, that's not there. I might do that. We'll see. I am a tricky, tricky kinch said. I shouldn't have said anything. Okay, you know, wearing, wearing all those game show host guard I am feeling a little Rande. Yeah, a little frisky, if you will. And how can I not? I'm all gene Rayburn all over the fucking place. So Hey, Mickey Mouse, be snoopy man, or see Alfred e Newman. I don't know what an Alfredy Newman, I'll get the fuck outie. But Mickey Mouse and snoopy them, that one's that one's tough. But I think I'M gonna go with snoopy, and you would be correct, sir. Yes, it is snoopy, and I think it's so weird. You knew that ahead of time. How did you get that inclination? I'm a huge peanuts fan. I've got I collect a bunch of peanuts stuff. I just wasn't real sure, but that's the one that I always remember seeing at all the the parades. Yes, snoopy premiered in one thousand nine hundred and sixty eight and has had thirty nine appearances off and on, until two thousand and fifteen, where he was replaced by Charlie motherfucking Brown. Well, that's lame. Yeah, it was snoopy's the heart and the soul. You think so? You just think so. Lazy dogs is on top of his fucking dog house. Hey, that's the life, man, that's the LAE. I got a problem with peanuts. So I said, well, because my last name is Schultz, and the guy you created, his name is Charles Shoals. So everybody gets US confused, even though he is missing the tea, and the tea is the most important thing. Ask anybody. You mean, yeah, he I'm going to tea in my name. Ye, I I'm not Obie. Good, good point. Good Point. And alfredy Newman is the mascot for mad magazine. Oh okay, okay, so, yeah, that. I'm very disappointed. You didn't know that at the time I brought up his name. You Yam, you know. Okay, so let's look at this you right now. You have to correct one incorrect. This final question can either make you or break you. You're going to hit fifty percent or seventy five percent, which you can technically consider a win. Okay, are you ready for the final question? I don't know. This is the seems like a big deal, like it's as you take it all home or or leave it all behind. Is fucking massive, because I actually have a clown hiding in your closet right now with a frying pan. Yeah, and if you get this wrong, he's gonna fucking jump out and just bash you right in the fucking nose with it. Now, if I get it right, will he make me some scrambled eggs or he's going to make love to you gently? Has Seems like a lose, lozy the way, but let's go. Oh No, my friend, you've never been made love to by a clown after midnight, special tender moment. Okay, enough about that night will see private business. Final question. While it's believed the pilgrims and the native Americans had their first harvest in one thousand six hundred and twenty one, which led to inspire thanksgiving, historians suspect Turkey was not on the menu. Which of the following food items was a buffalo, be skittles or see lobster, I mean buffalo a wrong. Really fucking bring out the clown. Great about...

...know the answer calls it the answer with skittles. I am sorry, sucks to be you. You're not going to say something. It's not it's gonna come my ex I'm waiting for the joke or I got none of those jokes are not my forte is not my specialty. It's actually lobster. I can't believe that. Well, listen, the first harvest was held in Massachusetts, so they believe sea food was a large part of the harvest. I see, see that. Yeah, well, you know what, you hit fifty percent. You got to right too wrong. I really should have thought this out a little bit better and made it five. Yeah, so you could have had the walk off, you know, the fucking call your shot. Be like this is the what if I get this one, this is it. Yeah, I just if this was a WHO wants to be a millionaire rules, I would a loss on the first question. So you know, well, you could have done a lifeline or something, but we don't. We don't allow that here. You know, allow assistance from from outside sources. You're you're all on your own, which is kind of a lie, because I did help you with that first one. You did help me and I still have missed it. Yeah, this is true, true, but toby, thank you so much for playing. You are officially the crappiest game show contestant of all time. I'd like to take a break from this buffet befooon Orrit to thank their shows sponsors. These companies put out high quality products that I'm fond of and fuel the podcast that I present to you today. First Up, we have northland vapor, a onestop shop for all of your vaping supplies. There, each juices are dike tone and artificial sweetener free, allowing for a rich, flavorful vape. I recommend Blue Rats, which I'm actually enjoying right now. And at Northland, quality doesn't need to be costly, and they still shift to all fifty states. visit them at Northland vaporcom and use the code selling out nineteen for nineteen percent off your order. Next up we have spunk lube. Spunk is an award winning non standing lubricant endorsed by a Bevy of professionals in the adult film industry. But why let them have all the fun? You can spice up your sex life today at spunk lubecom. Last but not least, big thanks to Alpine hemp. The CBD Revolution has arrived, and there's no better place to stock up on pure organic CBD products than Alpine Hempcom. Right now, Alpine is having a fantastic fall giveaway for free CBD that you really should get in on, and you can save nineteen percent off at check out by using codes selling out nineteen. And remember, when you shop with our partners, you're supporting the show, Toby. A common complaint amongst most Americans, myself primarily, I suppose I'm on the front lines of this is that Christmas leap frogs thanksgiving. Yeah, okay, it's like I rite. You Finish Halloween and everybody's fucking talking about Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Why doesn't Thanksgiving get its props? I mentioned at the beginning of the show it is my favorite holiday. So you know what gives man, let me enjoy it and relax before you bombard me with basically a fat guy in a red suit telling me to buy shit. Right. Yeah, you know, I was already seeing at the beginning of the November. I was seeing people drive around with like the antlers and their own blows and I was like, man, that's too early, it's way too early. We both got kids. So you know what, you kind of get gripped with Christmas fever, I think, earlier as a parent, because it's infectious, right, that magic is there with your kids that you don't have anymore, you know, but it is a little intoxicating exciting to think Christmas is coming. Yet all that being said, I still don't want to have this holiday jammed up my my Petuni right my heehaw. Does it make you sick when people start putting Christmas lights up like the day after Halloween and you're...

...like, wait a minute now, we were just all spooky and now you're all red and green on your house? That doesn't bother me because I can only imagine the electric bills are getting. As we used suckers, jommy he's, come on now, you know. So I look at it more realistically. I suppose for me it's more again, the commercials and things like that. Or you walk into department store and they've immediately torn down the Halloween section and throwing up the Christmas section and they've got just a like a half anile of Thanksgiving stuff, some some fall colors and stuff like. Say, Hey, it's like buy this bail a hey. Yeah, I don't have a fucking horse. Why would I need to buy a bail a hey? Give me some paper plates with Turkey's on them or something. Right, yeah, but anyway, this all leads me to ask you, because this is what the whole show is going to be about, me asking you stuff. Right, need your input on this. All right, put on a suit, okay, called comb your hair, okay, because I know you get those those long blond locks. These look those backspit shine, whatever you got to do. You are now an ad executive who and I have hired you to rebrand Thanksgiving, to make it more appealing to people, to hopefully give it that glimmer and shine they might make it stand up, if not completely at first, but eventually to that mighty holiday known as Christmas. So, with that task, how would you do that? How would you remarket it to people, repackage it to people to show the importance of thanksgiving? HMM, well, first off we would keep regular Thanksgiving and then the following, like Tuesday, we would have super thanksgiving. Super that what? Yeah, yeah, well, explain. How does this work? Well, I mean, do you want to eat big meal? A big meal again? That's all I'm saying. Like make it exciting, like, Oh yeah, we're going to eat this big meal on Friday, we're going to shop and then, like Monday or Tuesday, we're eating another big meal. Super thanksgiving. Okay, let me say this to you. It essentially already exists without the name. Right, these were eating leftovers. Yeah, yeah, leftovers are good for like through that, throughout the weekend, but then we're going to have another fresh Turkey, we're going to have we're gonna have more, and it's just going to be super like we're really just going to top off and bust our buttons on our pants. Wow, super thanksgiving. You really got to fuck over whoever cooks in your household. Say You just did this it all over again, because, and I was going to be super expectations are very high. Yes, it's so, it's the better one. And and you know what? You know, accidents happen in the kitchen. What if you burn something? You get a second shot. See. So when someone's like, Oh, you know, the stuffing wasn't as good as it was last year, right, no worries. In a couple days you'll get another shot. You rude son of a bitch. You actually say that to somebody other? No, no, but I mean if they, if they were feeling bad about it, you'd be like no, no, it's good, but you know, you, if you can try again in a couple of days better, you can fucking do it better. You don't know? You can do it better. Get back in there. Okay, Super. It's very marketable. I mean, come on, the true Super Nintendo. I can't think of anything else super, but that's the first thing. They cap man, Super Man, you go supermarket. Yes, see, super duper, super cells on its own. Here you. Okay, so super, we're gonna had super and add a second. Okay. Is that all you have as far as packaging? That's this bad boy up for everybody? Or okay, okay, Thanksgiving needs a mascot, not. I mean, I know that's the Turkey you like. Yeah, we got the Turkey, but we need like especially for super thanksgiving. We need Super Turkey. See, he's...

...coming to save the second thanksgiving. All right, if you hit me with another super as part of your your idea Palette here, I'm gonna be very disappointed in you. You hired me. I'm the Super Marketing Guy Fire You. You remember that. So, oh, yeah, but really, it needs a needs a mascot, you know, really mascot. All right, all right, so what was was the mascot again? An alligator, super alligator? Yeah, why not? I don't I don't know what else you could do. Yeah, but what was the mascot? What was it going to be? Did you tell me? And I glossed off. I said I said super a Super Turkey, like Oh, that's so. It was still a fucking Turkey, super global. Yeah, but like Sanna, there's there. He's got a name, he has a personality. We just have generic Turkey right now. We need a Turkey with with some SASS. Okay, no, SASS is good. I like SASS. I love SASS. I'm just using like marketing words to try to, like, to get a buzz out of you, like super and Sass. Well, let me inform you I am not buzzing right now. Okay, I'm trying. You're not buzzing me at all. There's no Ding, Ding, there's no nothing, there's no, not even a slight vibration. So this is you. You have more hold on, hold on, Mega Mega Man. Okay, I think mega is actually better than a super okay, we'll go with Mega thanksgiving. Okay, and mega make it. Got Mega Turkey. Now let's see. That just sounds like shit. Well, now it now we now. Okay, see, now we got to think on that, because now it's like a Godzilla looking Turkey mascot who's there to save Thanksgiving from other giant terrible monsters. Okay, it's gonna have like a whole Kaiju thing going on where. Yes, okay, all right. And then every year we get it. We get a new Mega Turkey movie to go along with the holidays. It's perfect. The movies are good idea. Yeah, like, we don't have sit hero, let's have a Turkey as a fucking action hero. I don't Schwarzenega style, you know. Now my action hero stereotypes or from the s. So I was going to say like a Rambo version. I I like to see a Turkey with like the red tied off headband. And you know what I'd say? We get Arnold to voice the Turkey. There you go. I'm pretty much a marketing expert. Now he's going to need a catch phrase. You might want to go back to your drawing board and think of one of those, you know, like every great s action hero had one, where's Ep Kia, motherfucker, yeah, or something like that. You get to think, what would a Turkey say? MMM, stuff, you. You know. There it is. That's honold right there. I don't know, but I love it. So what else he is at it? Do you have any more in your little portfolio there for me? Or we needed? We need a good Thanksgiving song. That is a great idea. I am so on board with you in regards to that, because Christmas is just songs Galore. Yeah, did you know that Jingle Bells was actually originally a Thanksgiving Song? Well, thank yeah, it's true, absolutely true. They converted it into a Christmas song years later. So thanksgiving technically had a song and Christmas stole it. Wow, like so we needn't grinch. Yeah, exactly. But what Song would you choose? Who? HMM, tough one, right. You weren't prepared for that. No, no, I it can't be anything. It's just it's hard because Christmas has songs that we've heard for years and years that just seemed classic for Christmas us. So think of it like this. Okay, I would propose. Don't try to think of anything original. Don't sit there like fucking bing crosby or something, trying to whip out the next big Thanksgiving Song. Rather, let's adapt another...

...song that already exists, and the easiest way to do that is think of the songs throughout your lifetime. There were just the easiest to make up words for if you didn't really know the lyrics to begin with. You know what I mean, and this actually got me thinking. Now. You know the Blue Oyster cult? Yes, remember that song. They have the fear the reaper. Yes, no, fear the reaper did. I'm not going to sing the whole thing. This isn't a Karaoke show, but if you stop and consider that for a moment, you can make up any words you wanted. That song the beginning is something like the the time has come, right. See, I don't think I know any of the words, but I can, I can humm it exactly. So okay, that's the point. You know the Melody Right, you know seek, you say grandma bear, you bum and you would know the difference exactly. Okay, I like it. That's what I think we should do with a Thanksgiving song, and then it's going to be an automatic hit because it was already a proven winner before. It was a try topper, right, so we're in. We just change the words around to what we see fit, hopefully applying to Turkeys, and stuffing it amberry sauce and drunken uncle's probably saying racist shit the fucking dinner table, and you got yourself a fucking nice little ditty there now. See, I'm already the the gears are trying to cheering a little bit. I'm feeling under pressure just because it's also, you know, it's got the vanilla ice, ice, ice. Maybe it's already really, really recognizable. But how do we get a Turkey song out of that? You just said the under pressure. Has the ice, ice baby. No, no, I mean ice, ice baby. Has the under pressure? Yeah, that's what I'm meant. Baseline. Yeah, come on, find yes, indeed, I think I was backwards a little bit, but you know where I was going. It's it's something that's already recognizable on two different fronts. So we've got that going for us on this one. We just need some we have to put this to a vote somewhere. Yeah, totally see which one is more adaptable. You know, there's the terror of knowing what this Turkey's about, like this sauce and grandma. She's got gout right under pressure, right there. Boom boom, boom, bubba, boom boom. They put some gobble gobbles in there, which, yeah, it is already full of any way. They can borrow some gobble gobbles from me. Like it. I see that. I like this. You know what? All your other shit was, indeed shit. It was no good. But but you hit me with the music bit. I like that a lot. I think that's a keeper. I think you'RE gonna go. We're going to go with the music stuff, and I think we really collaborated very well on that. Personally, I don't know my feel am I getting paid now? WHOA, Whoa, Whoa, whoa. Is that all you had? Yeah, I mean that's it. I'm I'm spent. Okay, good, because you like I ended on a high note. I'm out, Mike. Yeah, yeah, much, you drop my mind and walk away. Well, there's one one little tidbit I'm a little disappointed you didn't bring up in your presentation to me, and I was thinking, what's the one of the most iconic things about Christmas the tree. Oh Eyan, yeah, see, everybody goes out, they buy the tree, you decorate the tree, the whole family. So we need something like that for Thanksgiving. So how about like a Turkey Bush? A Turkey Bush, I know it sounds dirty. It sounds very, very dirty. It's probably an urban dictionary the Turkey Bush, I hope. So I'm going to invent that tonight. Watch out, ladies, here I come. You'RE gonna get Turkey Bush. Do you're right, because you know, Halloween you get the Pumpkin. You can't. You can't do like fall stuff for for you can't do the Pumpkin. I mean you can, but and then Christmas has the tree. It needs something really. I you can't just make it. You can't. I mean Turkey, obviously, but you need something that sits there on the porch to say listen, here, it's freaking...

Thanksgiving porch. I'm bringing that motherfucker inside. I'm gonna have a little shrub re inside my living room that has little little turkeys on it and like advent calendar, you can pluck a Turkey all the day's leading up to Thanksgiving and everybody's happy. You know, as each advent thing that you open up like you get some corn and one some mess. It doesn't another opening up anything, it's just fucking a Turkey from the bush. Sounds equally as dirty as Turkey Bush did to begin with. Yeah, unless you have anything better, that's something we should probably put our rd and our design teams on. Yeah, immediately, a Turkey Bush and I really good song. Yep, that's it. You like I'm already scrapping mega super thanksgiving and mega super mask on song and Bush. You are not. You aren't real receptive to it. So I don't know. Well, I I guess some more bad news for you. What's that? You Ain't getting paid, damn it, but you are more than welcome to come over to my pad and Cook for Supermiga thanksgiving. Tis The season to be thankful for what you got. But Gosh Darnet, toby, there are few things that can take a person off and make it, quite frankly, unthankful. Oh Yeah, Oh yeah, you sound really surprised. Oh yeah, I just couldn't see you. You're not bitter at all and not angry at stuff. Don't pretend like you fucking know me, Obe, but listen, you know it's not really popular now, because if you go on social media stuff, everybody says, you know, don't be negative, be happy, be joyous, run around with fucking rainbows coming out of your fucking eye sockets. And I get I want to be a happy person, but you know what, you're covering up the truth, that's what you're doing, because, no matter who you are or how great your life is, how much money you got, some shit you can't fucking stand. So with Thanksgiving we're supposed to stop, eat, gorge ourselves and give thanks. I'm doing the opposite here, Obie, I want to know. What do you not thankful for? Oh, not thankful for, but open up that can of worms like a can of cranberry sauce. My friend I recently went through a divorce, so I'm not thankful for that. HMM, that's that's pretty rough. I'm not very thankful for bills. I mean they come every month and you got to pay them. It sucks. Uh Huh. Oh, the winter. I'm not thankful for winter. I hate winter more than anything. I will take hundred degree whether in summer all day long, over freezing temperatures. I hate it. Can I stop you right there for a second? Yeah, because since we are both Texanights or Texaners. What do you guys call yourselves? Texans? That Leans Tex Texan people. Yeah, I don't know the fuck I'm talking about, but that's commonplace. But still, it doesn't get that cold here. See, and that's the problem. Is that still too cold for me. Okay, I can't, I can't. I can't take it. Like I this is as far north as I will ever go. I don't know. There's no way I could ever move up further north where it's real cold like this. It's it's just bad. I can't do it. Like my knees they hurt in the cold and I don't know, it's just not fun. And then, and then I'm fat already. So then you got to put on a big thick jacket, and then you're like even the bigger marshmallowed. No, your blubber supposed to cover you up. But let's put this in context. It so people can understand. When you're saying cold, you saying what? Thirty Degrees Fahrenheit? Yes, that's anything. And you know what, if it's below forty, I'm done. I do not want it. Well, see, when...

...you let off for the whole weather thing. By the way, I guess the two worst things you can ever talk about a politics and weather. Yeah, I know, and everybody's like, Click, fuck you, selling out show. I'm exercising my right to shut you off. But Anyway, the thing is, you made it sound like it was freezing temperatures. It said below freezing. Thirty twenty five degrees. That is nowhere near below freezing. This is not fucking Alaska. Dude. Let me ask you, since since you've you've been in Texas for a little while, have you? Have you? You've been in Texas for one winter, or at least right where, schools and work shuts down with just a snowflake. We didn't even get a single snowflake last year in Dallas, in the Dallas area, so nothing went to Shit is for us. Okay that, but you live farther north. You live up by Oklahoma, right. Yeah, I'm a about an hour and a half north of you, I guess. But yeah, if we get just a snowflake or a little bit of icy roads, schools will shut down. Nothing is open for a week. It's ridiculous. It's like an apocalypse. That is terrible. I can't imagine it. I can't fathom it again. Not to keep beating that fucking dead horse, but being from New England, Snow is the Shit, man. You know, I'm glad I never have to see it again. Never have to shovel it. Never. It'd be nice to see it maybe once, like through the window, but not have to deal with it. But still, the way that people react here when it gets cold, it's laughable because I'm still wearing shorts. Man. Yeah, let's you have never shoveled snow in my entire life. I've never seen a snow plow or anything. You Pussy. That should be the new reality show. Is Sort of like wife swap or survivor, you know, putting people in extreme conditions, find someone from a warm climate and just chuck them right in the fucking middle of winter for like two months, like hey, welcome to Minnesota, motherfucker. BLOOP and there you go. Right yet nope, no, I couldn't do it. What if there's a pri eyes attached like a still wouldn't do it. There's I just hate the cold that much. People do anything for money. That's how I got that cloud in your fucking close you think he's doing that for free? I could have. I don't want to know what you did to get that clown on my class watch. You muchy. No, but, dude, everybody's got their price. You'd say, all right, well, here's a million dollars. Go fucking living in an IGLOO for two months. I don't do that. No, I can't sleep when it's cold. I need heat. I need lots and lots of heat. Dude, there's no sum of money that we convince you. I mean, everybody's got their price, man, everybody. It have to be a lot of money. And and like we didn't. Yeah, got the term. I just said a million fucking dollars, dud. And I say months. How comfortable can I be? You like your blank it. No, no, I lect your like the fuck out of you. I just told you a million bucks. First, I went from a hundred grand to a million. And I'm like, yeah, two months. You like, nobody tells me nothing, so I can't tell you. It's straight answer. I guess fucking told you. Okay, yeah, two months. No, I can't do it. That's that's too miserable on my my body. Know your body so precious. Huh? It is. It's a it's a fat temple. fucking to say it's a temple. Yeah, you just call it a fat temple, you said, from having to say, yeah, this is fucking worshiped meat bag there must be protected from frost bite at any cost. Yes, well, Hey, you know, I think on the grand scale of things, we talked to a lot time about the weather here. Yeah, maybe too much. I'm sorry about that. It's not your fault because you had some some legitimate shit to be unthankful for. But then hey, whether we're just easier to talk about, I suppose, and anything else. It's just a natural flow of things. Right. Well, what are you unthankful for? Nothing. I'm a happy person. I'm always skipping around. Sometimes I even jump like the guy, the lucky from the lucky charmers box, and you'll clickie, yeah, clicky, clicky. Yeah, I'm so happy. Motherfucker, as a terrible cartoon lapro Con...

Voice, I just did there. Yeah, you might need to work on that a little bit. It's okay for now. Yeah, well, whatever, whatever, but yeah, I don't know. I think what bothers me more than anything on the face of the Earth is lines. I hate lines. I can't tolerate them. If I go to a restaurant and they say, Oh, sir, there's going to be a twenty minute wait, I'm out. I'm going to someplace with with maybe I didn't prefer to go to with lesser quality food stuffs because there's no light. Yeah, lines are miserable. They are fucking miserable. I hate lines, as you can tell. Any put a lot of preparation into how I was going to response. I didn't know if you're going to ask me. It's weird like on the on the unthankful scale. How do you wait things? Some people are angry that people are mean to them or their boss won't give them a raise. I don't really have any of those problems. I don't. Those aren't really affect me. But yet to get. If I wait in the line, I start fucking fuming. And you know, the kids, kids bother me too, the damn kids, because I used to think I was going to be that guy who hit forty and I'm fucking cool man. I got fucking street cred like you wouldn't fucking believe, and now I don't understand them. I don't get them. See, I'm too big of a kid myself when I when I'm hanging out with my kids. So we just were. We get real nerdy and I'm okay with kids. Kids are fine, but I know they can be frustrating. They can be very frustrating. We's not even. That's not even their behavior. I'm saying the stuff they're into. You know, they comes at point in life where you say, if the music is too loud, you're too old. Oh yeah, no, it's the the sayings that get me. What I hate more than anything when people say I'm very unthankful. Let me put it this way. I'm very unthankful for when people say, like the hip stuff, like I haven't seen you in a minute. Uh Huh. I hate that one so much. So ironically say it to people, and you do. I will every once in a while, but I try to say it as sarcastic as humanly possible, so it my point gets across. But then I sound like an old geezer trying to use cool hip lingo as though fass. That's what. Yeah, and just just some of the now I know like my parents even were, you know, when with my lingo and stuff that I had when I was a kid. They were like, what does that mean? You know and I'm just I'm old enough to where I'm like, I don't understand these words that these kids are saying, like that is lit, that's lit. Huh. Well, let's try to use these in a sentence. So if I went up to you and I'm like Hey toabster, been quite a while since I seen you. How you been so, so, like, the hipster would probably say, like, I ain't seen you in a minute. Dog would. But how would you say? Can you said? You use it. Say That's exactly what I'd probably say, even throwing the dog. Yeah, just to be really, really ironic. Use Son of a bitch. Just terrible. I know I'm an awful human being. You are. This is terrible. I can't believe you. You you like I hate it, but I use it. I mean, I guess I can understand. You're adapting to the times, trying to be hip. I gotta going to be here to be cool for the kid you got. It ain't all about fucking Hula hoops, Nintendo no more. It's so no, the way you talk and the way you speak, but I mean even music. They got these in me, and native talked about this in past episodes. Mumble rappers are things I don't I don't understand and I've never heard her music. But there's this celebrity. Her name's Billy Ellish, ilish boy, my ilish showcase. Well, I don't know. I don't even know either. I just saw a picture of it and I went she looks doped out of her fucking Gord. Yeah, they all kind of do nowaday. I don't get it. I'm I don't understand how this is like the new thing. I started to try to relate it to when I was a teenager and skinny chic was a thing, from models with a Kate Moss. They're like, Oh my God, these girls look like they're on heroin, and I'm like, the girls now with this look, or even that, not even the girls, anybody with his...

...style. It looks like they died of heroin and they were resurrected by like some kind of weird mummy spell or something and now they're performing on a stage somewhere. Is Terrible. Well, it's either that or they're so colorful and with face tattoos and everything, like my little one. He's ten and he's Tattoo. No, but he will draw that. What is that? rappers named six nine or whatever, the one that went to jail for snitching. He's got face tattoos and one day he brought me a piece of paper and he's like look, I drew six nine and I was like, first off, what does the six nine and why are you talking about six nine? And then he showed me the picture and it's a rapper with rainbow colored hair and Rainbow Grill and face tattoos and I was just like, I don't know about that. I don't like all that. Wow. But that's how I knew I became an old man when I was like I don't agree. This has become the getoff my lawn segment. I know in that terrible well that that's what partially what bugs me is I can't relate anymore, and that was something that I thought I'd always be able to do. I never thought I would lose the ability to kind of, you know, bridge the gap between generations and again relate it to my era and go okay, well, this is I can understand this because it is similar to that right. But it's not happening anymore. The disconnect has finally occurred and I feel like an old turty bastard. Oh my God, I am stuffed. This has been quite the episode, quite filling really. We've had all the fixings and the main meal, the main dish, or is fancy folks like to call it, the main course. If you enjoyed the show, you know what. Reach out to us. Let us know about it. It's an easy way to do it. Find us on any of our socials at selling out show. We're on the INSTAGRAM because we're hipping with it. We're on twitter. Oh, on facebook, which I personally cannot stand. I mentioned it every fucking chance I get. It's actually at selling out show one because I tried to set it up and because I do in fact hate the facebook, I fucked it up, but anyway, you can also send us an email. Selling out show at GMAILCOM toabster. I'm so happy. It's been such a long time since we talked. It's been a been a minute and damn it you. Yeah, I've been a minute. This was it was lit being on the show tonight, so I'm real happy about that, baby. Yeah, it was, but I appreciate you coming on and filling in. Thank you so much for teaching me the lingo. Spending this Thanksgiving centric. I don't know if I want to call it a Thanksgiving special or just themed, superm you can. You can call it super thanksgiving, Super Mega, selling out show the Thanksgiving style. So the other thing we did invent. We need a dance. We need Thanksgiving dance, like, Oh, yeah, I definitely the Turkey do the Turkey dance, you know. But anyway, still, I want to thank you. I truly do enjoy talking to you very very much, and it's been far too long, my friend, whether it be a minute or a thousand minutes or days or months or whatever the fuck they want to call it. But still, you get my you get my drift, don't you? Daddy? Oh, I I do, cool cat. I don't know, all right, I'm not very hip with all this. Yeah, well, but no, it was my pleasure. Like you know, it has been a while since we've got to hang out and talk, so it's good to talk about food, to big boys talking about food. Come on, yeah, now, let people know where they can find you. You know where they can they find your shows. Well, if you want to hear conspiracies and supernatural with a satire outlook, go check out my show, secret transmission podcast. It's on everything. Itunes, stitchers, spotify. I heart radio. Just look up secret transmission podcast. Now,...

...if you like Retro Video Games, me and my cohost we review and rate one retro video game per episode. We go over the history the gameplay some fun facts and then we rate it at the end. And that's secret levels. And again it's also on all the major podcasting platforms. So, but you can follow our shows on twitter and instagram at secret transpod and secret at secret levels pod. So follow both of them. They're kind of fun. Hey, I do. I follow them. You do follow them. You see that you you like everything and you show some love and I appreciate that. And you know what, more people should do the same. And you know how you can do that. If you like a show, if you don't like a show, it doesn't fucking matter. write an email or rate and review on itunes. It goes a long way to help a show grow. And I wouldn't mind it if you asked me a review. We either. Ay, just not trying to self promote here, nothing, but do it. Hell Yeah. On that note, I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning in. I truly love all of you. I mean really, you're all invited over for Thanksgiving, not saying I'm going to feed you, that might be too costly, but so they can come over and watch me eat. Virtual hugs for all of you. I am Dave. That is toby filling in for date, and this has been selling out infirmary media.

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