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Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode · 2 months ago

TURKEY TIME MACHINE

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

GOING BACK IN TIME TO 2019 AND REVISITING A HOLIDAY STAPLE: We've cooked up a buffet of buffoonery with all the fixings! Dave is joined by guest host Toby to talk living in Texas (3:50), play a hilarious game of Jive Turkey Trivia (7:29), a belly busting brainstorming session on how to make Thanksgiving more marketable (18:43), plus what NOT to be thankful for this holiday season (33:19). This show is guaranteed to be more fun than a can of cranberry sauce spilling all over your creepy uncle who flew in from Cleveland. Click play and have a few laughs on us. Don't worry, we'll tidy up.    

Yes, this was a reposted show. A great one. Gobble Gobble. New Ep coming soon. 

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You were now too, did tothe selling out podcast. What it does is beaches into your brain chemically andlow cat your happiest memory chemically and then blocks on that emotion and releases itchemically, and then it keeps your happy, happy. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the selling out show. I am one of yourhost David Schultz, and by my side is not my partner in crime,nates. No, unfortunately he is sick. He's actually in the hospital right now, so it's I can't say too much. I'm sure when he returnshe will fill you all in, but definitely send good vibes his way.Luckily enough, I have another good pal of mine sitting in. I amjoined by Toby Schofield of the secret transmission and secret levels podcast. Toby,thank you for coming here. And every one of your podcast starts with secret. So what do you have to hide? Man, I don't know exactly.It's just a gimmick that x accidentally carried over into all my shows andI don't know. It's a long story of why everything's such a secret.I guess I want to thank you for being here. I think I thankyou already, so that's to thank yous. But, you know what, I'min the mood. I'm in the spirit because it's thanksgiving. Yes,Thanksgiving happens to me, my favorite holiday, really, really. That is whywhat? Okay, thank you for asking me. I'm not going tokeep this a secret. It's because I am a fat fuck and I loveto eat and I hate responsibility. You see now, yeah, think aboutit. Christmas, right, you got to go places, you got tobuy people shit. You know, it's just a lot of work, it'sa lot of hassle. Fourth of July, fireworks, WHOPLA, Yada, Yada, Yada, all this fucking grandiose bullshit. Right, thanks giving?No, I don't have to deal with any of this, no rapping,no glad handing or anything like that. I us have to show up,eat, sleep and then I don't. Maybe get up and eat again.That's about it. Well, and then all the sales, all sales.Are you a black Friday guy? No, no, actually, I'm the kindof person that waits until like Friday afternoon when everything's been picked over andI go see what's left. You're a buzzard. Yeah, which I'm here. I'm a buzzard, fucking scavenger. Yeah, I'll never do black Friday. I did at once when I was a younger person. I think Isaid young person's game. Actually, if you ask me, who's actually goingto wake up early and go fucking try to buy a Shitty TV for ourgreat price? Because that's what it is. You See, I wish I couldbe like that, but I'm so lazy that I'm like, I don'tknow, I'll pay the extra four hundred dollars for the TV. I don'tcare. I don't have to fight the crowds and I get to sleep in. Well, now they let you do most of it online. There's alot of that. Oh, you can shop black Friday starting now at wallyworld. Just fucking go online and you're runner pants and buy a Roku.Yeah, trying to target us, to trying to target those fat lazy fuckslike we are. That's what they're trying to do. That they realize theymissed out on our market. Right. Well, I'm glad. I'm gladbecause again, I don't have to leave the house and I can get somegood deals and then I'll go buzzard over what's left at the stores. Thereyou go at a boy and you happen to live in Texas? Yes,which is AMA tech. You are at Tex and be you're a light.We were lifelong Texan. Are you from here? No, I I wasborn and raised. You're right here in the great state of Texas. What'swith that great state stuff? Where did that come from? It you knowwhat? I really don't. I don't.

I don't. I mean I've got, I guess, a little bit of Texas pride, but I don'thave it as hardcore as the real textans. You know, Texans love slogans,the come and take it. Don't mess the texts. Yeah, what'sLone Star State? Yeah, I don't know. We've got to stars atnight are big and bran. I mean we've got a we got a bunchof goofy Texas stuff. I don't get any of them. You know whatI mean? It's the whole come and take it thing. To me,I always say, because I'm from Massachusetts originally. Now I live here,but in Massachusetts we'd say will you can take it, borrow it, justbring it back when you're done. Texas has to be hostile coming fucker Turket. Come on, it's like this seems to be Mexico. What do youmean? Come and take it? Well, yeah, you know again, Idon't get the the big Texas, but I don't understand that the statepride or the town pride really because, like it's it wasn't my choice tobe born here, it just happened. So why should I be real superproudful of it? I don't know, it's weird. Well, you know, I I understand what. People are happier where they're from or whatever,and I get it. I can support that to a certain degree, butTexas takes it to a whole fucking new level. It's just basically fuck y'all. We're from Texas, where the best yehaw and all that good she had. Yeah, I'm surprised you guys let Turkeys in Texas, speaking of Thanksgiving. All, wait me. You guys love to hunt? That's the otherthings. Yeah, none, every everyone hunts. In fact, funny storyI for my work. I work in the wholdfield and I ruined some guyshunting this morning by pulling up real early to go check some of the wellsand I could just see him glaring at me through their dear blind and Iwas like yeah, sorry, man, I'm just doing my job. Didhe go you Smite Sam on you and try to follow you around, maybeshoot you in the ass? I did get a little bit nervous because Iwas like, Oh, I don't know if these rednecks are going to beticked off at me or not, so I'm going to do my job,get out of here as quickly as possible and avoid any kind of confrontation withthese guys. Move. That was that's pretty wise actually. But enough aboutyour fucking lousy job. That sounds terrible. Yeah, it is. That soundslike a horrible position to have. I hope it pays well. Yeah, so that means no, it's good enough. Yeah, okay, it'sgood enough that you can have a redneck fucking shooting a pellet gunny fucking ass. That's good enough for me, making fucking Nice seventy five an hour.Yeah, but again, we are here to talk thanksgiving, because I saywe because that's what I want to talk about. And I also love toplay games. Do you like games? I love game. You do it. What's your favorite game? Like video game or I was I know youhost the video game podcast. So I wasn't going there as thinking more likeshoots and ladders. Oh See, I'm a monopoly guy, obvious. Sitthere and play monopoly to the very end and I'm hardcore about it, andeveryone will be like, dude, let's just call it quits, we've beensitting here for four hours. No, I need all the money or ifthis isn't going to end well, the game I have prepared for you todayis not monopoly, not even fucking close. So you're not going to have anyyeah, any leg up on this. Okay, but it's more like agame show, if you will. So let me go over here andgrab my really long Pencil, microphone, own my plaid jacket. Let meput that on and if you are ready, sir, we can rock and roll. I am ready. It's now time for America's least favorite game show, a tragic Thanksgiving tradition sadder than I cannock squash, grab your drunken uncleand get ready to play along with all right, toby, this is jiveTurkey. There's going to be four questions for you here. Okay, soyou have a chance to break even, but all the questions will be relatingto you guessed it, thanks giving.

Are you now ready to play?Jive Turkey. I am so ready to play a jaft Turkey. You jeansare getting tight thinking about this right now. Yep, okay, question number one. While we all know Black Friday whip sales starve soccer moms into afrenzy the day after Thanksgiving, which industry shows the biggest spike in sales theday before the holiday? A bakery, B bar or see condom? HMM, like, I mean like multiple choice for you to yeah, know thatthat helped the way last yeah, and I feel like there's going to bea trick to this. I mean bakery seems like the most obvious, butyeah, let's just go with bakery. Even final answer. Yeah, butI feel like you're tricking me. So maker. Okay, wait, holdon for a second. You feel like I'm tricking you. which way wouldyou go if you felt like it wasn't a trick? What was be again? Okay, so the options were a bakery, B bar or see condom? See, okay, I would go with Bar, like we're talking likealcohol, right. Yes, yes, when I say Bar Bar, industrycondiment. Yes, yes, I feel like that, because people are lonelyand everyone's going out see family and some people can't go see family or whateverthe case may be. So that would be my backups be but I thinkbakery is gonna I don't know you, okay, just you're gonna have totell me. Okay, so you're sticking with bakery. Bakery. Yeah,okay, you should have went with your back up, because the correct answeris bar man for the reasons that you thought to people go and they gohome. Maybe they like me their transplants, they live somewhere else and they gowhen they visit their friends from high school, what have you. Oragain, maybe they just lonely pieces of shit that needs something to do andthey hit the fucking bar. So yes, you suck. I was. Iwas on the rat track. I just I knew that that was goingto be tricky. I should have never led you in the leaks. Thatwas the problem, as my failure as a host and out of the PODCAST, but of the game show here. I should never said are you share? Think about this for a second. I'm not gonna do that again now. Was your only free being. You're fucked it up, Dang it.Okay, all right, number two. It's now normal for the president toplayfully pardon a Turkey from the chopping block. But under which commander in chief didthe practice become an official tradition? A whit more, B Hw Bushor a CE KOVIC? Who? I'M gonna go with be Bush, Iguess. I don't feel like that's a I don't know, I don't reallyknow how long that tradition has been around. MMM, I'm just I'm gonna withme. Let's let's go with be you are correct. Yes, itwas George Hw Bush in one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine. There wereother presidents before him that would set free a Turkey. Partner. Trick,I believe, might even started with Nixon because one of his kids was sadto see a Turkey slaughtered for Thanksgiving. But you know what, beyond allthis there was there was actually a trick to this question. Because Whitmore andKovic, we're not actual presidents. Right. So you pick. What do youwrite? Right? You, you made it sound like it was tough. You like, Jeez, I don't know. Well, I didn't knowwho the the third one was at all and I was like maybe maybe Ijust don't know how my presidents that's why I did this to you. That'swhy I tried to fuck you up, because most people don't. I don'teven, but I was hoping you might have guessed one, because if bothmovie presidents with Moore was the presidents from Independence Day, played by Bill Palman, and Kovic was from the Movie Day, this movie from one thousand nine hundredand ninety three. Man, I don't know live. You seen thismovie right where he's he looks like the spitting image of the president. Yes, and he gives a place and sigourney...

...weaver ends up falling in love withhim. Spoiler alert. so that was Dave Kovic. The best part ofthat movie is when they're reading the little book and they're like, Dave hasno AH. They're talking about like the parts that he's missing from the littlebook. I don't know, it's that's the only part of the movie Ireally remember. Yeah, that part. Fuck, it sucked. Okay,so next question. This is going to be the hot air round. OhMan, they're ready. Yes, which character has made the most appearances asa balloon at the annual macy's Thanksgiving Day parade? Before you give me theanswers, my first thought would be snoopy really. So I want to hearthis anthem, you're going to change the answers on me and put snoopy inone of them. Now, well, that's not there. I might dothat. We'll see. I am a tricky, tricky kinch said. Ishouldn't have said anything. Okay, you know, wearing, wearing all thosegame show host guard I am feeling a little Rande. Yeah, a littlefrisky, if you will. And how can I not? I'm all geneRayburn all over the fucking place. So Hey, Mickey Mouse, be snoopyman, or see Alfred e Newman. I don't know what an Alfredy Newman, I'll get the fuck outie. But Mickey Mouse and snoopy them, thatone's that one's tough. But I think I'M gonna go with snoopy, andyou would be correct, sir. Yes, it is snoopy, and I thinkit's so weird. You knew that ahead of time. How did youget that inclination? I'm a huge peanuts fan. I've got I collect abunch of peanuts stuff. I just wasn't real sure, but that's the onethat I always remember seeing at all the the parades. Yes, snoopy premieredin one thousand nine hundred and sixty eight and has had thirty nine appearances offand on, until two thousand and fifteen, where he was replaced by Charlie motherfuckingBrown. Well, that's lame. Yeah, it was snoopy's the heartand the soul. You think so? You just think so. Lazy dogsis on top of his fucking dog house. Hey, that's the life, man, that's the LAE. I got a problem with peanuts. So Isaid, well, because my last name is Schultz, and the guy youcreated, his name is Charles Shoals. So everybody gets US confused, eventhough he is missing the tea, and the tea is the most important thing. Ask anybody. You mean, yeah, he I'm going to tea in myname. Ye, I I'm not Obie. Good, good point.Good Point. And alfredy Newman is the mascot for mad magazine. Oh okay, okay, so, yeah, that. I'm very disappointed. You didn't knowthat at the time I brought up his name. You Yam, youknow. Okay, so let's look at this you right now. You haveto correct one incorrect. This final question can either make you or break you. You're going to hit fifty percent or seventy five percent, which you cantechnically consider a win. Okay, are you ready for the final question?I don't know. This is the seems like a big deal, like it'sas you take it all home or or leave it all behind. Is fuckingmassive, because I actually have a clown hiding in your closet right now witha frying pan. Yeah, and if you get this wrong, he's gonnafucking jump out and just bash you right in the fucking nose with it.Now, if I get it right, will he make me some scrambled eggsor he's going to make love to you gently? Has Seems like a lose, lozy the way, but let's go. Oh No, my friend, you'venever been made love to by a clown after midnight, special tender moment. Okay, enough about that night will see private business. Final question.While it's believed the pilgrims and the native Americans had their first harvest in onethousand six hundred and twenty one, which led to inspire thanksgiving, historians suspectTurkey was not on the menu. Which of the following food items was abuffalo, be skittles or see lobster, I mean buffalo a wrong. Reallyfucking bring out the clown. Great about...

...know the answer calls it the answerwith skittles. I am sorry, sucks to be you. You're not goingto say something. It's not it's gonna come my ex I'm waiting for thejoke or I got none of those jokes are not my forte is not myspecialty. It's actually lobster. I can't believe that. Well, listen,the first harvest was held in Massachusetts, so they believe sea food was alarge part of the harvest. I see, see that. Yeah, well,you know what, you hit fifty percent. You got to right toowrong. I really should have thought this out a little bit better and madeit five. Yeah, so you could have had the walk off, youknow, the fucking call your shot. Be like this is the what ifI get this one, this is it. Yeah, I just if this wasa WHO wants to be a millionaire rules, I would a loss onthe first question. So you know, well, you could have done alifeline or something, but we don't. We don't allow that here. Youknow, allow assistance from from outside sources. You're you're all on your own,which is kind of a lie, because I did help you with thatfirst one. You did help me and I still have missed it. Yeah, this is true, true, but toby, thank you so much forplaying. You are officially the crappiest game show contestant of all time. I'dlike to take a break from this buffet befooon Orrit to thank their shows sponsors. These companies put out high quality products that I'm fond of and fuel thepodcast that I present to you today. First Up, we have northland vapor, a onestop shop for all of your vaping supplies. There, each juicesare dike tone and artificial sweetener free, allowing for a rich, flavorful vape. I recommend Blue Rats, which I'm actually enjoying right now. And atNorthland, quality doesn't need to be costly, and they still shift to all fiftystates. visit them at Northland vaporcom and use the code selling out nineteenfor nineteen percent off your order. Next up we have spunk lube. Spunkis an award winning non standing lubricant endorsed by a Bevy of professionals in theadult film industry. But why let them have all the fun? You canspice up your sex life today at spunk lubecom. Last but not least,big thanks to Alpine hemp. The CBD Revolution has arrived, and there's nobetter place to stock up on pure organic CBD products than Alpine Hempcom. Rightnow, Alpine is having a fantastic fall giveaway for free CBD that you reallyshould get in on, and you can save nineteen percent off at check outby using codes selling out nineteen. And remember, when you shop with ourpartners, you're supporting the show, Toby. A common complaint amongst most Americans,myself primarily, I suppose I'm on the front lines of this is thatChristmas leap frogs thanksgiving. Yeah, okay, it's like I rite. You FinishHalloween and everybody's fucking talking about Christmas, Christmas, Christmas. Why doesn't Thanksgivingget its props? I mentioned at the beginning of the show it ismy favorite holiday. So you know what gives man, let me enjoy itand relax before you bombard me with basically a fat guy in a red suittelling me to buy shit. Right. Yeah, you know, I wasalready seeing at the beginning of the November. I was seeing people drive around withlike the antlers and their own blows and I was like, man,that's too early, it's way too early. We both got kids. So youknow what, you kind of get gripped with Christmas fever, I think, earlier as a parent, because it's infectious, right, that magic isthere with your kids that you don't have anymore, you know, but itis a little intoxicating exciting to think Christmas is coming. Yet all that beingsaid, I still don't want to have this holiday jammed up my my Petuniright my heehaw. Does it make you sick when people start putting Christmas lightsup like the day after Halloween and you're...

...like, wait a minute now,we were just all spooky and now you're all red and green on your house? That doesn't bother me because I can only imagine the electric bills are getting. As we used suckers, jommy he's, come on now, you know.So I look at it more realistically. I suppose for me it's more again, the commercials and things like that. Or you walk into department store andthey've immediately torn down the Halloween section and throwing up the Christmas section andthey've got just a like a half anile of Thanksgiving stuff, some some fallcolors and stuff like. Say, Hey, it's like buy this bail a hey. Yeah, I don't have a fucking horse. Why would I needto buy a bail a hey? Give me some paper plates with Turkey's onthem or something. Right, yeah, but anyway, this all leads meto ask you, because this is what the whole show is going to beabout, me asking you stuff. Right, need your input on this. Allright, put on a suit, okay, called comb your hair,okay, because I know you get those those long blond locks. These lookthose backspit shine, whatever you got to do. You are now an adexecutive who and I have hired you to rebrand Thanksgiving, to make it moreappealing to people, to hopefully give it that glimmer and shine they might makeit stand up, if not completely at first, but eventually to that mightyholiday known as Christmas. So, with that task, how would you dothat? How would you remarket it to people, repackage it to people toshow the importance of thanksgiving? HMM, well, first off we would keepregular Thanksgiving and then the following, like Tuesday, we would have super thanksgiving. Super that what? Yeah, yeah, well, explain. How does thiswork? Well, I mean, do you want to eat big meal? A big meal again? That's all I'm saying. Like make it exciting, like, Oh yeah, we're going to eat this big meal on Friday, we're going to shop and then, like Monday or Tuesday, we're eatinganother big meal. Super thanksgiving. Okay, let me say this to you.It essentially already exists without the name. Right, these were eating leftovers.Yeah, yeah, leftovers are good for like through that, throughout theweekend, but then we're going to have another fresh Turkey, we're going tohave we're gonna have more, and it's just going to be super like we'rereally just going to top off and bust our buttons on our pants. Wow, super thanksgiving. You really got to fuck over whoever cooks in your household. Say You just did this it all over again, because, and Iwas going to be super expectations are very high. Yes, it's so,it's the better one. And and you know what? You know, accidentshappen in the kitchen. What if you burn something? You get a secondshot. See. So when someone's like, Oh, you know, the stuffingwasn't as good as it was last year, right, no worries.In a couple days you'll get another shot. You rude son of a bitch.You actually say that to somebody other? No, no, but I meanif they, if they were feeling bad about it, you'd be likeno, no, it's good, but you know, you, if youcan try again in a couple of days better, you can fucking do itbetter. You don't know? You can do it better. Get back inthere. Okay, Super. It's very marketable. I mean, come on, the true Super Nintendo. I can't think of anything else super, butthat's the first thing. They cap man, Super Man, you go supermarket.Yes, see, super duper, super cells on its own. Hereyou. Okay, so super, we're gonna had super and add a second. Okay. Is that all you have as far as packaging? That's thisbad boy up for everybody? Or okay, okay, Thanksgiving needs a mascot,not. I mean, I know that's the Turkey you like. Yeah, we got the Turkey, but we need like especially for super thanksgiving.We need Super Turkey. See, he's...

...coming to save the second thanksgiving.All right, if you hit me with another super as part of your youridea Palette here, I'm gonna be very disappointed in you. You hired me. I'm the Super Marketing Guy Fire You. You remember that. So, oh, yeah, but really, it needs a needs a mascot, youknow, really mascot. All right, all right, so what was wasthe mascot again? An alligator, super alligator? Yeah, why not?I don't I don't know what else you could do. Yeah, but whatwas the mascot? What was it going to be? Did you tell me? And I glossed off. I said I said super a Super Turkey,like Oh, that's so. It was still a fucking Turkey, super global. Yeah, but like Sanna, there's there. He's got a name,he has a personality. We just have generic Turkey right now. We needa Turkey with with some SASS. Okay, no, SASS is good. Ilike SASS. I love SASS. I'm just using like marketing words totry to, like, to get a buzz out of you, like superand Sass. Well, let me inform you I am not buzzing right now. Okay, I'm trying. You're not buzzing me at all. There's noDing, Ding, there's no nothing, there's no, not even a slightvibration. So this is you. You have more hold on, hold on, Mega Mega Man. Okay, I think mega is actually better than asuper okay, we'll go with Mega thanksgiving. Okay, and mega make it.Got Mega Turkey. Now let's see. That just sounds like shit. Well, now it now we now. Okay, see, now we gotto think on that, because now it's like a Godzilla looking Turkey mascot who'sthere to save Thanksgiving from other giant terrible monsters. Okay, it's gonna havelike a whole Kaiju thing going on where. Yes, okay, all right.And then every year we get it. We get a new Mega Turkey movieto go along with the holidays. It's perfect. The movies are goodidea. Yeah, like, we don't have sit hero, let's have aTurkey as a fucking action hero. I don't Schwarzenega style, you know.Now my action hero stereotypes or from the s. So I was going tosay like a Rambo version. I I like to see a Turkey with likethe red tied off headband. And you know what I'd say? We getArnold to voice the Turkey. There you go. I'm pretty much a marketingexpert. Now he's going to need a catch phrase. You might want togo back to your drawing board and think of one of those, you know, like every great s action hero had one, where's Ep Kia, motherfucker, yeah, or something like that. You get to think, what woulda Turkey say? MMM, stuff, you. You know. There itis. That's honold right there. I don't know, but I love it. So what else he is at it? Do you have any more in yourlittle portfolio there for me? Or we needed? We need a goodThanksgiving song. That is a great idea. I am so on board with youin regards to that, because Christmas is just songs Galore. Yeah,did you know that Jingle Bells was actually originally a Thanksgiving Song? Well,thank yeah, it's true, absolutely true. They converted it into a Christmas songyears later. So thanksgiving technically had a song and Christmas stole it.Wow, like so we needn't grinch. Yeah, exactly. But what Songwould you choose? Who? HMM, tough one, right. You weren'tprepared for that. No, no, I it can't be anything. It'sjust it's hard because Christmas has songs that we've heard for years and years thatjust seemed classic for Christmas us. So think of it like this. Okay, I would propose. Don't try to think of anything original. Don't sitthere like fucking bing crosby or something, trying to whip out the next bigThanksgiving Song. Rather, let's adapt another...

...song that already exists, and theeasiest way to do that is think of the songs throughout your lifetime. Therewere just the easiest to make up words for if you didn't really know thelyrics to begin with. You know what I mean, and this actually gotme thinking. Now. You know the Blue Oyster cult? Yes, rememberthat song. They have the fear the reaper. Yes, no, fearthe reaper did. I'm not going to sing the whole thing. This isn'ta Karaoke show, but if you stop and consider that for a moment,you can make up any words you wanted. That song the beginning is something likethe the time has come, right. See, I don't think I knowany of the words, but I can, I can humm it exactly. So okay, that's the point. You know the Melody Right, youknow seek, you say grandma bear, you bum and you would know thedifference exactly. Okay, I like it. That's what I think we should dowith a Thanksgiving song, and then it's going to be an automatic hitbecause it was already a proven winner before. It was a try topper, right, so we're in. We just change the words around to what wesee fit, hopefully applying to Turkeys, and stuffing it amberry sauce and drunkenuncle's probably saying racist shit the fucking dinner table, and you got yourself afucking nice little ditty there now. See, I'm already the the gears are tryingto cheering a little bit. I'm feeling under pressure just because it's also, you know, it's got the vanilla ice, ice, ice. Maybeit's already really, really recognizable. But how do we get a Turkey songout of that? You just said the under pressure. Has the ice,ice baby. No, no, I mean ice, ice baby. Hasthe under pressure? Yeah, that's what I'm meant. Baseline. Yeah,come on, find yes, indeed, I think I was backwards a littlebit, but you know where I was going. It's it's something that's alreadyrecognizable on two different fronts. So we've got that going for us on thisone. We just need some we have to put this to a vote somewhere. Yeah, totally see which one is more adaptable. You know, there'sthe terror of knowing what this Turkey's about, like this sauce and grandma. She'sgot gout right under pressure, right there. Boom boom, boom,bubba, boom boom. They put some gobble gobbles in there, which,yeah, it is already full of any way. They can borrow some gobblegobbles from me. Like it. I see that. I like this.You know what? All your other shit was, indeed shit. It wasno good. But but you hit me with the music bit. I likethat a lot. I think that's a keeper. I think you'RE gonna go. We're going to go with the music stuff, and I think we reallycollaborated very well on that. Personally, I don't know my feel am Igetting paid now? WHOA, Whoa, Whoa, whoa. Is that allyou had? Yeah, I mean that's it. I'm I'm spent. Okay, good, because you like I ended on a high note. I'm out, Mike. Yeah, yeah, much, you drop my mind and walk away. Well, there's one one little tidbit I'm a little disappointed you didn'tbring up in your presentation to me, and I was thinking, what's theone of the most iconic things about Christmas the tree. Oh Eyan, yeah, see, everybody goes out, they buy the tree, you decorate thetree, the whole family. So we need something like that for Thanksgiving.So how about like a Turkey Bush? A Turkey Bush, I know itsounds dirty. It sounds very, very dirty. It's probably an urban dictionarythe Turkey Bush, I hope. So I'm going to invent that tonight.Watch out, ladies, here I come. You'RE gonna get Turkey Bush. Doyou're right, because you know, Halloween you get the Pumpkin. Youcan't. You can't do like fall stuff for for you can't do the Pumpkin. I mean you can, but and then Christmas has the tree. Itneeds something really. I you can't just make it. You can't. Imean Turkey, obviously, but you need something that sits there on the porchto say listen, here, it's freaking...

Thanksgiving porch. I'm bringing that motherfuckerinside. I'm gonna have a little shrub re inside my living room that haslittle little turkeys on it and like advent calendar, you can pluck a Turkeyall the day's leading up to Thanksgiving and everybody's happy. You know, aseach advent thing that you open up like you get some corn and one somemess. It doesn't another opening up anything, it's just fucking a Turkey from thebush. Sounds equally as dirty as Turkey Bush did to begin with.Yeah, unless you have anything better, that's something we should probably put ourrd and our design teams on. Yeah, immediately, a Turkey Bush and Ireally good song. Yep, that's it. You like I'm already scrappingmega super thanksgiving and mega super mask on song and Bush. You are not. You aren't real receptive to it. So I don't know. Well,I I guess some more bad news for you. What's that? You Ain'tgetting paid, damn it, but you are more than welcome to come overto my pad and Cook for Supermiga thanksgiving. Tis The season to be thankful forwhat you got. But Gosh Darnet, toby, there are few things thatcan take a person off and make it, quite frankly, unthankful.Oh Yeah, Oh yeah, you sound really surprised. Oh yeah, Ijust couldn't see you. You're not bitter at all and not angry at stuff. Don't pretend like you fucking know me, Obe, but listen, you knowit's not really popular now, because if you go on social media stuff, everybody says, you know, don't be negative, be happy, bejoyous, run around with fucking rainbows coming out of your fucking eye sockets.And I get I want to be a happy person, but you know what, you're covering up the truth, that's what you're doing, because, nomatter who you are or how great your life is, how much money yougot, some shit you can't fucking stand. So with Thanksgiving we're supposed to stop, eat, gorge ourselves and give thanks. I'm doing the opposite here, Obie, I want to know. What do you not thankful for?Oh, not thankful for, but open up that can of worms like acan of cranberry sauce. My friend I recently went through a divorce, soI'm not thankful for that. HMM, that's that's pretty rough. I'm notvery thankful for bills. I mean they come every month and you got topay them. It sucks. Uh Huh. Oh, the winter. I'm notthankful for winter. I hate winter more than anything. I will takehundred degree whether in summer all day long, over freezing temperatures. I hate it. Can I stop you right there for a second? Yeah, becausesince we are both Texanights or Texaners. What do you guys call yourselves?Texans? That Leans Tex Texan people. Yeah, I don't know the fuckI'm talking about, but that's commonplace. But still, it doesn't get thatcold here. See, and that's the problem. Is that still too coldfor me. Okay, I can't, I can't. I can't take it. Like I this is as far north as I will ever go. Idon't know. There's no way I could ever move up further north where it'sreal cold like this. It's it's just bad. I can't do it.Like my knees they hurt in the cold and I don't know, it's justnot fun. And then, and then I'm fat already. So then yougot to put on a big thick jacket, and then you're like even the biggermarshmallowed. No, your blubber supposed to cover you up. But let'sput this in context. It so people can understand. When you're saying cold, you saying what? Thirty Degrees Fahrenheit? Yes, that's anything. And youknow what, if it's below forty, I'm done. I do not wantit. Well, see, when...

...you let off for the whole weatherthing. By the way, I guess the two worst things you can evertalk about a politics and weather. Yeah, I know, and everybody's like,Click, fuck you, selling out show. I'm exercising my right toshut you off. But Anyway, the thing is, you made it soundlike it was freezing temperatures. It said below freezing. Thirty twenty five degrees. That is nowhere near below freezing. This is not fucking Alaska. Dude. Let me ask you, since since you've you've been in Texas for alittle while, have you? Have you? You've been in Texas for one winter, or at least right where, schools and work shuts down with justa snowflake. We didn't even get a single snowflake last year in Dallas,in the Dallas area, so nothing went to Shit is for us. Okaythat, but you live farther north. You live up by Oklahoma, right. Yeah, I'm a about an hour and a half north of you,I guess. But yeah, if we get just a snowflake or a littlebit of icy roads, schools will shut down. Nothing is open for aweek. It's ridiculous. It's like an apocalypse. That is terrible. Ican't imagine it. I can't fathom it again. Not to keep beating thatfucking dead horse, but being from New England, Snow is the Shit,man. You know, I'm glad I never have to see it again.Never have to shovel it. Never. It'd be nice to see it maybeonce, like through the window, but not have to deal with it.But still, the way that people react here when it gets cold, it'slaughable because I'm still wearing shorts. Man. Yeah, let's you have never shoveledsnow in my entire life. I've never seen a snow plow or anything. You Pussy. That should be the new reality show. Is Sort oflike wife swap or survivor, you know, putting people in extreme conditions, findsomeone from a warm climate and just chuck them right in the fucking middleof winter for like two months, like hey, welcome to Minnesota, motherfucker. BLOOP and there you go. Right yet nope, no, I couldn'tdo it. What if there's a pri eyes attached like a still wouldn't doit. There's I just hate the cold that much. People do anything formoney. That's how I got that cloud in your fucking close you think he'sdoing that for free? I could have. I don't want to know what youdid to get that clown on my class watch. You muchy. No, but, dude, everybody's got their price. You'd say, all right, well, here's a million dollars. Go fucking living in an IGLOO fortwo months. I don't do that. No, I can't sleep when it'scold. I need heat. I need lots and lots of heat. Dude, there's no sum of money that we convince you. I mean, everybody'sgot their price, man, everybody. It have to be a lot ofmoney. And and like we didn't. Yeah, got the term. Ijust said a million fucking dollars, dud. And I say months. How comfortablecan I be? You like your blank it. No, no,I lect your like the fuck out of you. I just told you amillion bucks. First, I went from a hundred grand to a million.And I'm like, yeah, two months. You like, nobody tells me nothing, so I can't tell you. It's straight answer. I guess fuckingtold you. Okay, yeah, two months. No, I can't doit. That's that's too miserable on my my body. Know your body soprecious. Huh? It is. It's a it's a fat temple. fuckingto say it's a temple. Yeah, you just call it a fat temple, you said, from having to say, yeah, this is fucking worshiped meatbag there must be protected from frost bite at any cost. Yes,well, Hey, you know, I think on the grand scale of things, we talked to a lot time about the weather here. Yeah, maybetoo much. I'm sorry about that. It's not your fault because you hadsome some legitimate shit to be unthankful for. But then hey, whether we're justeasier to talk about, I suppose, and anything else. It's just anatural flow of things. Right. Well, what are you unthankful for? Nothing. I'm a happy person. I'm always skipping around. Sometimes Ieven jump like the guy, the lucky from the lucky charmers box, andyou'll clickie, yeah, clicky, clicky. Yeah, I'm so happy. Motherfucker, as a terrible cartoon lapro Con...

Voice, I just did there.Yeah, you might need to work on that a little bit. It's okayfor now. Yeah, well, whatever, whatever, but yeah, I don'tknow. I think what bothers me more than anything on the face ofthe Earth is lines. I hate lines. I can't tolerate them. If Igo to a restaurant and they say, Oh, sir, there's going tobe a twenty minute wait, I'm out. I'm going to someplace withwith maybe I didn't prefer to go to with lesser quality food stuffs because there'sno light. Yeah, lines are miserable. They are fucking miserable. I hatelines, as you can tell. Any put a lot of preparation intohow I was going to response. I didn't know if you're going to askme. It's weird like on the on the unthankful scale. How do youwait things? Some people are angry that people are mean to them or theirboss won't give them a raise. I don't really have any of those problems. I don't. Those aren't really affect me. But yet to get.If I wait in the line, I start fucking fuming. And you know, the kids, kids bother me too, the damn kids, because I usedto think I was going to be that guy who hit forty and I'mfucking cool man. I got fucking street cred like you wouldn't fucking believe,and now I don't understand them. I don't get them. See, I'mtoo big of a kid myself when I when I'm hanging out with my kids. So we just were. We get real nerdy and I'm okay with kids. Kids are fine, but I know they can be frustrating. They canbe very frustrating. We's not even. That's not even their behavior. I'msaying the stuff they're into. You know, they comes at point in life whereyou say, if the music is too loud, you're too old.Oh yeah, no, it's the the sayings that get me. What Ihate more than anything when people say I'm very unthankful. Let me put itthis way. I'm very unthankful for when people say, like the hip stuff, like I haven't seen you in a minute. Uh Huh. I hatethat one so much. So ironically say it to people, and you do. I will every once in a while, but I try to say it assarcastic as humanly possible, so it my point gets across. But thenI sound like an old geezer trying to use cool hip lingo as though fass. That's what. Yeah, and just just some of the now I knowlike my parents even were, you know, when with my lingo and stuff thatI had when I was a kid. They were like, what does thatmean? You know and I'm just I'm old enough to where I'm like, I don't understand these words that these kids are saying, like that islit, that's lit. Huh. Well, let's try to use these in asentence. So if I went up to you and I'm like Hey toabster, been quite a while since I seen you. How you been so,so, like, the hipster would probably say, like, I ain't seenyou in a minute. Dog would. But how would you say? Canyou said? You use it. Say That's exactly what I'd probably say,even throwing the dog. Yeah, just to be really, really ironic.Use Son of a bitch. Just terrible. I know I'm an awful human being. You are. This is terrible. I can't believe you. You youlike I hate it, but I use it. I mean, Iguess I can understand. You're adapting to the times, trying to be hip. I gotta going to be here to be cool for the kid you got. It ain't all about fucking Hula hoops, Nintendo no more. It's so no, the way you talk and the way you speak, but I meaneven music. They got these in me, and native talked about this in pastepisodes. Mumble rappers are things I don't I don't understand and I've neverheard her music. But there's this celebrity. Her name's Billy Ellish, ilish boy, my ilish showcase. Well, I don't know. I don't evenknow either. I just saw a picture of it and I went she looksdoped out of her fucking Gord. Yeah, they all kind of do nowaday.I don't get it. I'm I don't understand how this is like thenew thing. I started to try to relate it to when I was ateenager and skinny chic was a thing, from models with a Kate Moss.They're like, Oh my God, these girls look like they're on heroin,and I'm like, the girls now with this look, or even that,not even the girls, anybody with his...

...style. It looks like they diedof heroin and they were resurrected by like some kind of weird mummy spell orsomething and now they're performing on a stage somewhere. Is Terrible. Well,it's either that or they're so colorful and with face tattoos and everything, likemy little one. He's ten and he's Tattoo. No, but he willdraw that. What is that? rappers named six nine or whatever, theone that went to jail for snitching. He's got face tattoos and one dayhe brought me a piece of paper and he's like look, I drew sixnine and I was like, first off, what does the six nine and whyare you talking about six nine? And then he showed me the pictureand it's a rapper with rainbow colored hair and Rainbow Grill and face tattoos andI was just like, I don't know about that. I don't like allthat. Wow. But that's how I knew I became an old man whenI was like I don't agree. This has become the getoff my lawn segment. I know in that terrible well that that's what partially what bugs me isI can't relate anymore, and that was something that I thought I'd always beable to do. I never thought I would lose the ability to kind of, you know, bridge the gap between generations and again relate it to myera and go okay, well, this is I can understand this because itis similar to that right. But it's not happening anymore. The disconnect hasfinally occurred and I feel like an old turty bastard. Oh my God,I am stuffed. This has been quite the episode, quite filling really.We've had all the fixings and the main meal, the main dish, oris fancy folks like to call it, the main course. If you enjoyedthe show, you know what. Reach out to us. Let us knowabout it. It's an easy way to do it. Find us on anyof our socials at selling out show. We're on the INSTAGRAM because we're hippingwith it. We're on twitter. Oh, on facebook, which I personally cannotstand. I mentioned it every fucking chance I get. It's actually atselling out show one because I tried to set it up and because I doin fact hate the facebook, I fucked it up, but anyway, youcan also send us an email. Selling out show at GMAILCOM toabster. I'mso happy. It's been such a long time since we talked. It's beena been a minute and damn it you. Yeah, I've been a minute.This was it was lit being on the show tonight, so I'm realhappy about that, baby. Yeah, it was, but I appreciate youcoming on and filling in. Thank you so much for teaching me the lingo. Spending this Thanksgiving centric. I don't know if I want to call ita Thanksgiving special or just themed, superm you can. You can call itsuper thanksgiving, Super Mega, selling out show the Thanksgiving style. So theother thing we did invent. We need a dance. We need Thanksgiving dance, like, Oh, yeah, I definitely the Turkey do the Turkey dance, you know. But anyway, still, I want to thank you. Itruly do enjoy talking to you very very much, and it's been fartoo long, my friend, whether it be a minute or a thousand minutesor days or months or whatever the fuck they want to call it. Butstill, you get my you get my drift, don't you? Daddy?Oh, I I do, cool cat. I don't know, all right,I'm not very hip with all this. Yeah, well, but no,it was my pleasure. Like you know, it has been a whilesince we've got to hang out and talk, so it's good to talk about food, to big boys talking about food. Come on, yeah, now,let people know where they can find you. You know where they canthey find your shows. Well, if you want to hear conspiracies and supernaturalwith a satire outlook, go check out my show, secret transmission podcast.It's on everything. Itunes, stitchers, spotify. I heart radio. Justlook up secret transmission podcast. Now,...

...if you like Retro Video Games,me and my cohost we review and rate one retro video game per episode.We go over the history the gameplay some fun facts and then we rate itat the end. And that's secret levels. And again it's also on all themajor podcasting platforms. So, but you can follow our shows on twitterand instagram at secret transpod and secret at secret levels pod. So follow bothof them. They're kind of fun. Hey, I do. I followthem. You do follow them. You see that you you like everything andyou show some love and I appreciate that. And you know what, more peopleshould do the same. And you know how you can do that.If you like a show, if you don't like a show, it doesn'tfucking matter. write an email or rate and review on itunes. It goesa long way to help a show grow. And I wouldn't mind it if youasked me a review. We either. Ay, just not trying to selfpromote here, nothing, but do it. Hell Yeah. On thatnote, I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning in. I truly love all of you. I mean really, you're all invitedover for Thanksgiving, not saying I'm going to feed you, that might betoo costly, but so they can come over and watch me eat. Virtualhugs for all of you. I am Dave. That is toby filling infor date, and this has been selling out infirmary media.

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