Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 51 · 2 years ago

Ep.#51 Pick Up Lines In A Parallel Universe

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Hey Hey! We're back and talking about Dave's long lasting disdain for the singer JoJo, pick up lines in a parallel universe, trading a decade of your life for one year of decadence, PLUS Nate's Notes dives into the movie adaptation of the book 'Lords of Chaos' and the problem with music biopics..

 

Visit our partners:

northlandvapor.com and alpinehemp.com

Use code sellingout19 for 19% off your order at both sites

spunklube.com

Welcome to the selling out show. You're what it does is breaches into your brain chemically and no, cat your happiest memory chemically and then knocks on to that emotion and releases it chemically, and then it keeps your happy, happy. Hello, hello, hello, and thank you for tuning in to the selling out show, where we screw up life at our leisure for your listening pleasure. I am one of your host David shows, and over here by my side is my good pal and partnering crime, Nate Gore Zinski. Nate, how the Heck Are you? I'm I'm not sick, I don't think. I don't have a fever, so that's good. Well, yes, in this stunner day in age, this is a bonus. Yeah, man, I'm a symptomatic. If you will really well, may I still stick a swab up your your shnows? Yeah, I mean you can stick a swab anyway you like, Buddy. Oh, thank you for the open invitation on that one. And I have not been tested for the novel coronavirus, but I heard that is the process in doing so, which is very I think that would turn off a lot of folks to begin with. Like, yeah, I'm not showing any symptoms, so why the fuck do I want you jam and your Goddamn q tip up my nostril? Yeah, I hear it's not very comfortable. Yeah, no, of course not. Yeah, neither. That's why. What's that now? I was going to say that's why. It was really funny in the beginning, when they were first talking about these tests, trump was doing a press conference and he was trying to tell people, oh, yeah, I was tested, I was tested, it was fine. And then they were it almost sounded like he was lying about getting the test because when they were asking like how did they go about it, like what did the test involve? Everyone knew it meant stick in this. It is going to be uncomfortable, like he would say that, oh, it was awful, but instead he goes it was fine, you know it was. It was just a test. It was you know it was it was a test, it was good. You know it was fine. And you could almost tell by the way he was saying it. It's like you're just bullshitting, like you plays do. But anyway, you know, rash and crash your Brad. Well, so is lying about something, but anyway, going. I'm sorry, I mean, yeah, interrupting me. You know, we're here to talk and shoot the breeze and hopefully entertain some listeners, and it's unfortunate that lately we've had to lead off every show talking about this fucking virus has, you know, changed the world that we live in forever. But Hey, guess what, it is the real world, and Shitty is that? Maybe, but you know what, it does bond us in many ways. While you know, some of you may think, Dave, what are you talking about? Bringing us together or anything? We've got protesters outside of State Capitals, idiots. Yeah, you know, we gotta, we got to end this lockdown liberty. Give me liberty or give me death. Well, this is true. But yeah, there's never been a time in history of civilization where more people have fucking been binge watching TV. That's a fact. And I have encountered a problem which seems to be age old, and you might be able to relate with me on this. Hopefully other people will as well. But remember the old saying about cable, where you got eight hundred channels to watch but nothing's on, because, yeah, there was. There was actually a bruce springsteen song back in the day. Fifty seven channels and nothing on. That's the tells you how old. That's right, but I mean it's not. That's how it was.

A fifty seven channels in nothing else. Just like that. Is that? I don't remember the song. That all is the course, just like that, basically. Okay, you sing it for me one more time please. He did it in a little false set. It was like fifty siven channels in nothing. Oh, I like that one better. I'm glad I asked you to do that twice. Yeah, I am too. Actually, I folcud listen. The same thing applies now when you're streaming, because, you know, with everybody under lockdown, it seems like we've watched everything out there that could possibly be interesting to us. And now I have a situation where I have a seventy year old son and I try to stay mostly with family friendly entertainment. Sure, and the other one a scar the dude. No, no more than he is. I do this right, coronavirus. Well, that and I don't want him to end up like me, because I was watching terrible things at a young age. But I mean I'm like, all right, well, fuck, what is on that we haven't seen yet? And that might you know, waste a couple hours and I can possibly tolerate. Well, RV, the movie R V starring Robin Williams. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, I remember the movie. This was available late, Great Robin William the late yess indeed, and I believe it was on Amazon prime. Well, my son enjoys Robin Williams flicks, so I thought, well, you know, I saw this in the movie theater back in two thousand and six and I was disgusted by the Goddamn thing. I thought it was a terrible movie. But you know what is going to be something I can tolerate right now rather than I mean, the alternative is just a continually flip and keep going and scroll through all these fucking movies until you find something. So I took the lesser of two evils put on Our v through on a little of Family Road trip movie with Robin Williams and and and Jojo. Yes, I Jojo it. Did it come? That's young singer. Well, that's that's wonderful that you brought that up, because this is where I'm going with the whole damn thing is it's even back in the day I remember sitting in the movie theater and I'm watching this and you know, she was a teenager and she plays his daughter, and at the time I was looking up at that big screen I went man, she looks like a fucking piece of white trash if I've ever seen one, you know what I mean? And I feel bad. Yeah, because she's just a fucking kid. Or again, she was a kid, because this was two thousand and six when the film right now, that wow, that's like almost fifteen years ago now. Yeah, and that's not really, you know, a good response for anybody to have when watching anything or or seeing somebody for the first time. Because I wasn't aware that she was a singer. Right, okay, were she had any other career? I thought this was just a kid in the movie and I yeah, I want a trashy looking little thing. This one is. You know that that was kind of just quickly. That was kind of a selling point at the time, I remember, because that Jojo Chick had had a you know, she was like a one hit wonder, and I remembered they were selling that movie based on, Oh, it's got Jojo in it, and a friend of mine was a pretty not successful but a decent dj who would remix stuff, and I remember he remixed the Jojo Song. That actually got some play. He got fairly. He got some money for it. I'll say that. Okay, mix he did of a Jojo. So but anyway, go you rush out to see R V, I'm sure he did say and he's like, oh, that's that's my girl right there. Well, I couldn't get over it even then. And so the other night the movie is on and here I am, you just mentioned, fifteen years later and I still can't escape just looking at her, going Geez, what a what a gross fucking girl. This is, you know what I mean. Rastyo's white trash fucking looking little broad. This is, you know so well, now we have the technology and to know how my kids watching the movie. He's Giggling at Fart jokes or fecal follies or whatever, and I'm like, let me Google or see what happened, because I can only assume she's just washed up, you know. Yeah, trailer park,...

I don't know, right left over piece. and Google Jojo. I did googling Joe I. Okay, Two Thousand and twenty, yes, I'm googling Jojo in two thousand and twenty and it turns maybe the only one doing that. Well, no, no, and this is the KICKA. This is is the rub, is that she is still famous. Wow, to the tune. Her instagram has over a million followers. Holy Shit, Jojo, who knew? Who Know? But the moment I opened up her instagram, because I'm like, I let's see if she still looks like a piece of white trash, fucking beef Jerky, the first picture that pops up she's in her fucking undy's in front of the mirror and she looks like Massachusetts bread white trash chicks. So I grew up banging my in my youth, so I m like it. She's still famous, but she still looks like a fucking a Honky Tong fucking NASCAR, you know, loving you know I live in a house that belongs on wheels kind of person. Yeah, she's a double wider. You know it's a double wider. Yeah, but now she's still famous and she's, I guess, still making music. So color me shocked. Jojo. Yeah, man, Jojo showed me. Can I get some fucking fame? Can I get some radio airplay or some some something? I guess I should probably make an instagram page before I complain about not having instagram followers like her, but I don't know. Well, I'm just not. I'm not. I was gonna say I'm not a kid, I'm not young and into all that shit, but she's not either anymore. No, she's fifteen years later from her feature film debut, so she's got to be in her s anyway. She's not really a kid anymore. Twenty nine, because that movies she just she was. Oh really, I was gonna say she was probably like fourteen in that movie. But yeah, yeah, she was young. She was young, but now she's twenty nine years old. And even then when I thought she looked like a piece of Massachusetts White Trash. So she was, you know, east coast, right, it is. It's true. She is from Foxboro, Massachusetts. So I can I can S it. Wow, I can't snap. I'm all Daddy. Oh Yeah, oh, yeah, so, yeah, you know she she had that look. Yeah, totally. I think it's just like the bitchy looking face on her and like that, the press on nails. It look fucking like, I don't know, it's something some but when you know me with hands, I'm really picky about very particular yeah, particular is an understatement, but when women have like these nails and he look like they're not level and then they kind of like elevated and they again they look like they were just stuck on there, I fucking grosses me out. And she had those back then. She still has him now. So you know what Joe Joe Talents? She yeah, talb talent. And so, Joejo, for all your success, I still think you look shitty. What my opinion is worth is probably nothing, you know, because, yeah, here's a shot. A worried about? No, but here's a shocker for you. We have an instagram page, yeah, and we do not have a million followers. So maybe if you start posting pictures of you in your undys, we might be on the something there, buddy. Maybe, I guess it's worth a shot. Man. You know what do I have to lose? Nothing. Absolutely. Yeah, thing, maybe some, maybe I'll get some stokers or something. That could be it. I guess that's a high opinion of myself. I'm like, I'll post some underwear pictures and people will be compelled to stock me. Yes, but yeah, well, that's kind of how I felt, and I was looking up Jojo. I felt very stockrish. Yeah, I got to be honest, because having these thoughts about her as young girl being, you know, crappy. Yeah, what was a bad miss track? She good, yeah, exactly. WAS A bad fucking way to be to begin with. And now me actually googling her in two thousand twenties kind of creepy. It whatever. We're all bored, we're all looking for shit to do. It's it's quarantine time where we're look, look at how bad it's. gootten Dave's googling fucking Jojo Man. Yeah, so we somebody help...

...us. Well, get these doctors working on fucking vaccine. And now he's googling Joe, Joe Jesus. We have mentioned, we have mentioned on this very show, that this is not, though, this is not my first foray into this kind of stuff, because I did call information twenty years ago, trying too. That's right. So lay Moonfry, so hey, yes, miss punky brewster herself. So, so, lay moonfry, she almost got a drunk dialed. Yep, one night. Yep. Yes, so many some of us. I better, I better scrub the fucking browser history on my computer, and FBI is going to show up me like hey, you, the motherfucker was calling, so lay and Google and Jojo, yeah, I'm gonna throw you in a cell, and jared, motherfucker. No, I don't want to five dollar for log but I want to know what the listeners think. What are you watching? What are you doing to entertain yourself during these fucking weird, wacky ass motherfucking times, because I have no other way to describe it. This, this is just the strangest fucking thing anybody could be going through. It's Greazy, it's crazy. So what are you doing to occupy your time? I mean, number one, I would hope that you would say that you're listening to the selling out show. Right, Oh, come on, come on, come on. And we've had this is episode number fifty one. We did not do anything banner ask or celebratory or banner waving. Yeah, last last time out, we just had a normal show, because I guess we're not really into padding ourselves in the back, are we? No, Nah, man, you know, it's just another day in paradise for us. Yeah, it's just work as usually. You know, got it. We just we do our think you got our fucking lunch pails, we got our microphones. We just show up to what we got to do. But Hey, if you ever want to leave us a comment, question or just tell us whatever the fuck you think, it is easy. You can find us on our socials, at selling out show, I mentioned. We do have an instagram where, hopefully nate will be in his under is soon. Heyb Thong and it up. They to stay tuned. We also have a regular, I almost want to call it snail mail now because it seems like nobody ever uses regular email, but that is selling out show, at GMAILCOM. We would love to hear from you and I also want to thank the sponsors of this show, who also have social medias, to which I will mention those as well, because that's what I do here. I am just it's really rattling things off about contacting US and buying shit from companies that I enjoy. First Up, we have Alpine hempcom get in on the CBD revolution. That is right. Everybody's using CBD now to help them with various ailments, whether it's stress, sleep, anxiety, muscle pains, weight loss. I mean, you can go up and down the board. C bed is there to help and there is no better place to buy products and Alpine Hempcom because they got everything, everything you can think of. I feel like I'm going to rattle off another list and I really don't want to do that, but I have to. Let me capsules, gummies, tinctures, pet products, coffees, tea, muscle rubs. Muscle rubs are mentioned. GUMMIES. People love those fucking gummies. They have them. They got it all. I use the stuff. It helps me sleep. Make sure you check out Alpine hampcom northland vaporcom. I am a vapor I love vaping change my life. I smoke for over twenty years. Made me feel like shit, smell like Shit, look like Shit and do any of the women who've kissed me probably taste like Shit. But yeah, thanks to Northland vaporcom, they keep me in a hearty supply of e liquids which are dike, tone and artificial sweetener free. Their entire line is the same, which is important because, you know what, cigarette companies don't give a fuck about what you're putting in your body. They're trying to poison you. Northland is not. They're trying to put the least amount of crappy stuff...

...in something good for you to enjoy. And I love them for that. They're really good people. They have three retail locations, man soel Fargo, North Dakota, morehead, ambimidge, Minnesota's if you're out that way you can or when coronavirus lockdowns are over, you can just stroll on into their brick and mortar shops. But in the meantime get again. That is northland papercom. They shipped to all fifty states. Now at Alpine HAP and northland use cupon code selling out nineteen and you can save nineteen percent off your entire order. That is, I'm good stuff. Make sure you go check them out. Last but not least, we have spunk lube. Spunk. What else is there to say? I love this stuff. Nate has mentioned he uses it as Hair Gel. He is lucky to have those luscious locks that he can slatter that on with. I don't. I put it in my nether regions and it fucking works great. They have a few varieties that choose from award winning Lubricant Spunk Lube. Check them out at spunk lubecom. And that's all I got for plugs, except for the few that I want to put my scalp so I can look like nate. That's a there's a hearty dose of plugs. You got their man. Thank you. Now both of us are tamed, domesticated. It's a good thing. I mean really can't complain. We chose its life. That's right. The world, I think, is safer knowing that we're home at this is true, not up prowling. Yeah, I was going to say we pick this Ug life, which is basically the life of a pack mule. Yeah, realistically, if you think about what is the main responsibility of a father, yeah, or a husband, some are going to say, okay, well, you've got to honor your spouse and protect them in this and that. You know that. That may be true, but first and foremost, you have to be able to carry a bunch of shopping bags from the trunk of a car into the house. This is the most important it's true. Yeah, but let's say I can attest to them. You can't. Yeah, now, let's say you didn't have to do that anymore. Let's say you were single. Right now, at this age, all of a sudden you are thrust back into the scene. You walk into a bar, you wear in your finest, I don't velvet suit, yeah, you sit down next to a beautiful lady, would be your pickup blind. You have one like in reserve or in the bank, ready for a moment like this. I would lean over and say excuse me, and I'd open up my coat and show my exposed penis and say, Oh, want to see something, you want to see something swell, yeah, and no, honestly, I man as ten thing as it is to try that. Yeah, I think, I don't know. I'm all set with getting a sex offender charge. Yeah, yeah, totally. Honestly, I think in this day and age, if I saw a girl at the bar, I'd be like, she's either a Republican and is not not staying home from this. Well, Oh, okay, let's say there's no quarantines going on. Okay, but I okay, right, but she's not just some kind of like, oh, they're fucking infringe it on my civil liberties. I needed by Yeagermeister, God damn it. Yeah, and then I got a question. What I'm doing out of the bar too, if, if that's the case, so right. Anyway, no, cheese man, I probably I'm not the smoothest to guy's man. I'm so out of the loop now I would. I probably yeah, man, you got me stumped. Honestly, Dude, I I I don't really have never been one for pickup lines. I'm always more of a you know, I kind of just I've never been somebody to meet someone at a bar like that. I'm the type that it's like I run into somebody over and over at a place like it, like it was whether I'm you know, I meet somebody at work. Okay, right, I were, you know, it's like you see them regularly and you you end up sparking up conversation. I've never been somebody to just kind of go up to someone and and do that. I'm kind of, you know what, out of a pussy like. Well,...

...there's just stick to exposing yourself then, okay, because that's where we started. And then when you started to think about it and got introspective about the whole thing, yeah, told me all use a pickup line anyway. I mean you could just lean over and say, Hey, I'm googling Joe Joe. Did you happen to notice she has one million followers on instagram? But that probably is not going to work very well for you, right. Did you know that Jojo is still fucking written music. Yeah, can you believe that? Can you believe that? I don't know. You know, man, I think I was never one for pickup lines either. It's not my bag. But right, I was thinking that now, the age forty one, I'd rather sands whipping out, you know, my Ding Dong, right. I still want to get to the point, right, of course, I also want to kind of, you know, allude to what kind of personality I may have. So I know we're compatible. Bigot, a band right, a boom. So I would look the woman in the eyes and say, HMM, hi, in an alternate universe, I fucked your brains out, because, think about it, like them. I okay, you laugh, you laugh right, but there if you believe in parallel universes, okay, there has to be one created for every moment that you've had. Would you wish you said or did something that you didn't do? That would be the end result of that action, I'm sure. Yeah, so maybe in an alternate universe I met that girl in that Bar, I said just the right thing that which which tickled the fancy of this woman, and we had a drink and immediately went back and made boom boom, well in the back alley. Well, I am very impressed by your alternate self there. Yeah, well, yes, I would be too, because it's almost like the old Seinfeld episode with the jerk store. You remember this one with George Costanza, where he thinks of the comeback line like a day late. So he's a fucking of course, like yeah, driving all this way to fucking tell this guy off and it just doesn't work for him whatever. But imagine that. You know what I mean. Everybody's had that moment in their life. Like if I only said this during the interview, or rather than turning and walking away, if I only told that person I love them, whatever. Imagine there's there's a timeline in which you did in fact do that. Now, me being a pervert, which is probably well documented, I have probably fucked everybody. This is a whole another set of of timelines where I have just comed everywhere or came everywhere, whatever, you know, on everyone. Wow, that's that's disturbing to think about, right. But I did mention how great it would be because that person would understand immediately. I think I would hope where I was coming from with that, because it is incredibly straight wanted to get down. Well, well, no, not necessarily that, because that's that's implied anyway the moment I looked at her. That's just that's is my the eyes. But I mean the fact that, you know, I'm probably thinking there are alternate realities were I am the best me, and that best me probably you know, your a little fucking Slam Bo's able to seal the deal. You know, I was just searching my brain for another stupid, goofy way to explain saguphemism. Yea, you, yes, you femism. Yeah, thank you. By so. Yeah, I would. My pickup lines would have to do with a parallel universe. Well, that's pretty heavy, heady shit. It is heady and I think you're you know, exposing yourself thing would be much more efficient. All would risky, to the point it is. Yeah, yeah, like you said, you might pull a sex offender charge at your pocket on that one. Might...

...end up locked up. But the same time, right now, Hey, now mine, it could work, but I think the majority of people would initially think on this guy, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not going anywhere near this creepy motherfucker. But right, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I'm not dude. You never anything. It's the thing is, if you try that line on enough women, you know throughout life, eventually one of them. You don't even need multiple universes. Eventually one woman will probably find it endearing or she'll be drunk enough to just not give a shit. Yeah, you know, it may work. It may work and she may respond. Oh yeah, and a parallel universe. I got a Dick Question for you in eight yes, shoot, okay, would you trade ten years of your natural life for one year of being a rich and famous celebrity? Who meaning then you? You've got the life man, you got mansions, you got Yats, you got Papa Rozzie, you got adoring fans clamoring to see you, to meet you, to get your autograph, you know, all that stuff people fantasize about which comes with celebrity. It could be yours for three hundred to sixty five days, but you were given up a decade. Would you do it? Okay, okay, now does the decade just come off the end of my life, because I'd be happy to do that if it's means the ten years of my life I'm going to spend in a fucking hospital better using a walker. You know, again, I did not think that far and I pose the question, but you know, as I'd be happy to do that, I think so. Yeah, you see, I don't give a shit, man. I was I was about to amend the question. So you'd have to be like to, you know, in ten years now or give up your s yeah, all of a sudden I've aged ten years, right. You know, after that one year goes by. All of a sudden I'm ten years, you're fifty years and yeah, you're fifty years old. You know what I mean? Let's let's say it that way. Yeah, well, at this point in my life, I think I'd probably do that too. Man, I don't know. I the thing with me is the fame I could give a shit about. I don't. I'd rather not be famous. To be honest. It is like when people talk about being rich and famous. Rich is great, but fame, I don't give a shit. I don't want to be walking down the street and have people coming up to me and shit like that. That doesn't sound pleasant to me at all, having people, you know, caring about what I do. My thing is I've had points in my life where I've had embarrassing things that I've done in like newspapers, you know, with with the way I lived when I was younger, I'd get into some trouble and all of a sudden the courthouse record, right, yeah, would be in there or if it was a bad enough thing, there'd be an actual little article in the paper about it. And and that I understand. It's a different kind of fame like that was more notoriety and whatever that was. That was different, but I just don't like having people all knowing my shit. I don't like that feeling. So I would do it for the rich part, because I'd like to. I'm greedy, I'm I'm getting older. I when I was younger I was a lot more idealistic. I'd be like, you know, I just want to write my music and do my thing, and now I'm like yeah, man, you know, I could. I could definitely use a year of just opulence and being able to buy whatever the fuck you want and going on. I'd spend a lot of that year going on trips. I would do it, buddy. I would would absolutely do the train. You be like here, take the ten years. Okay, no, I think it would too know but oh no, I wouldn't know. And really, before I get to that, okay, I want to ask you something, because you mentioned that you don't care about being famous because you don't want people to know what you had for lunch. You don't want any of the notoriety anymore, and I get that. What about legacy? This legacy ever weigh on you? Because...

...are we put a lot of weight into this. We think that if you are famous, you are going to be immortalized forever and remembered generations to come. I don't see that always being the case. Yeah, I mean even even on a small scale here. I mean if you ask like a young person who's fifteen years old now or something like yeah, who's Humphrey Bogart, maybe they could answer you, but it's not, you know, it's not like an automatic thing like you might have thought about thirty years ago. Would have been like hey, kids done nuts? WHO's done nuts? Yeah, WHO's Alan Alda? You know, it's like Alan, Oh, no, idea it has had a great fucking career. He's had a hope your great life. He seems like a nice man, but yeah, the whipper snappers nowadays don't remember him. I mean same thing with musicians and what what have you. Right, is that Wagh on you at all? Like, okay, so you had the one year celebrity. So in the history books it was written that you were this person of some notoriety. So who knows, someone could read about you a hundred and fifty years from now. Yeah, well, you see, again, that's not some that that I ever really think about. I think maybe when I was younger and I was playing in bands and all idealistic and thinking I wanted to write some great song and I looked up to all these musicians and rock stars, I think that back then I would have cared more about that sort of thing. But now, due to be honest, I'm so like. I'm just like look, I just want to live my life and when I'm dead, I'm dead. I don't I don't think there's anything happening to me personally, like an afterlife or anything. I don't really and I'm comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with when it's over. I'll just be ready to I'm ready now. Dude, hang on your sleep and go to sleep. When a long day. Yeah, I mean that's pretty shitty thing to say. It's been a long day, I'm ready to die. Let's just put a you put this all behind me. Yeah, fad enough, but honestly, I'm just kidding everyone. I'm not. Don't be nervous, I just mean. I just mean, I don't really it doesn't really bother me that sort of thing. It's it's a little weird knowing that I'm getting older, but than that, you know, death is more and more reality every day. But when it comes to something like that like my legacy and what's going to people are going to remember afterwards. Yeah, it'd be cool if someone knew a song that I wrote or something like that, but for the most part I'm just like, I'm happy just living my life, and I don't know if it's a certain sort as zen or whatever, that I've reached finally where I'm just like, you know, I I sit at home with my fucking animals, my cats and my dogs, and I'm just like look, you know, I'm like, I'm enjoying time with these animals and these dudes. These animals live their life. They're like, okay, I got food, I'm comfortable, I'm, you know, whatever. That's that's all they worry about. And then when they die, they die. It is what it is. I'm just another animal, Bro and well, I'm I'm learned. I'm learning a lot from all my furry for leg I don't know. Maybe your dog wants to be a great American novelist. He just doesn't have thumbs so he can't type. We don't know this. His name is JD Salinger, know, but I mean, okay, so you want the money. You would trade the years your life just have the one year of knowing that you were comfortable and you could enjoy anything you wanted to enjoy on the face of the earth. I get that. I like that. Okay, and I agree with you on one point, only now. If I was younger, I would have taken that deal in a heartbeat. I said, Oh Satan, where do I sign it? Okay, now I would not do it. There's no way in Hell I would do it because I would lose ten years, whether it is now, later or whenever, of experiencing life with my son. That's it. Yeah, that's a good point, man. That's a good point, and I know it sounds sappy. Well, no, I was going to say, I know I sound sappy, it sounds happy as at all, but...

I want to be there as long as I can and to enjoy moments or him be to be able to give me a call and tell me something or ask for advice or whatever. And so, as much as I would love to have money and success and everything just handed to me for a trade, I would have to say, MMM, no, thank you. No, can do can I make I think what I could do, since I only want the money part. I don't want the fame, I just want the rich part. I don't want the famous. Could I maybe whittle it down and just get five years, because I can. You can keep the famous part. I'll get the rich and just take five years. Since, since we're just kind of wishing up in the are, you sound like someone who's been through the system, you're trying to negotiate. Yeah, if I plead it is, can I get five years? Yeah, plea bag and thank you. Can I get the play bargain? I'll be out and fucking five years on good behavior, coma now. But no, no, unfortunately, you have to take the whole kitten Kaboodle to fucking to roll with the Kardashian's. Okay, I'll still do it, man, I don't care. I'm fucking I love I love my family, I love my people, and I mean this is this is all just fantasy, and sometimes I'm like, you know what, the world is falling apart so much that you know. Yeah, it's like I'm bummed out that the world is going to be messed up for our future, you know, our progeny, for our next generations. But but sometimes I'm just like, Damn, man, I'm the way shit's going. I'm so glad I movie gone soon, because it just looks like it is getting out of control. Man, dust up your lps. It time for nate. No, no, Dude. With the quarantine and full effect, as we've mentioned, there's a lot of time to watch shit on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon prime or whatever. If you're fortunate enough to have such distractions, it can really help to pass the time and focus on something other than your gradually intensifying cabin fever. Hell, you could even watch Eli Roth's movie cabin fever. Naturally, all of this binge watching gets old like anything else after weeks of being stuck at home, but I've gotten to check out a few movies I'd been meaning to get around to, so that's cool. One of which is Swedish filmmaker Jonas Akerland's adaptation of the book lords of chaos. Longtime listeners to this segment may recognize that title as the book that kind of got me into the black metal genre. Lords of chaos is a book that chronicles and some would say sensationalizes, the grim and bizarre beginnings of the Scandinavian Black Metal seene. It's a controversial book in that a lot of the people who were there at the time dispute certain details and in that it just turns all of these misguided, misanthropic metal head kids into weird legendary figures in a story that is kind of become a weird mythology of its own. It tells the story of Uronymous, who kind of coined the term black metal, or at least he reclaimed it from the campy, cartoonish satanist bands like Venom or merciful fate. Those bands would sing songs about the devil and decorate their album covers with pentagrams and inverted crosses, but in reality they were more into an Alice Cooper type shock mentality than anything truly sinister. uronymous and his band mayhem, along with a bunch of other like minded dudes started the second...

...wave, if you will, of black metal. And these were guys that painted their faces up like Zombie pandas or something and went out burning churches and fostering really intimidating yet intriguing image. Some of them even killed people and, Oh yeah, along the way they also created a whole genre of music. The story has been told a million times in books and documentaries, even in here, but lords of chaos, the book, was my first introduction to this weird world, the antics of the band members, the crimes, the visual esthetic with the makeup, in the black clothes, the spiked armor or chain mail they'd sometimes wear, even their individual pseudonyms, like the aforementioned uronymous, whose real name, by the way, was Oystein Arcith, which kind of lacks the punch of uronymous. All this stuff pulled me in, like like a Jrr Tolkien book or something. The fact that it all took place in the wintry forests and fiords of Norway and Sweden definitely added to the allure. So all these twenty some odd years have passed since the book's release, even longer since the actual events which took place in the late s to early S. and now they make a Hollywood biopic using this controversial and somewhat disputed book as source material. They have actors portraying the dudes from mayhem. MacAulay culkin's fucking brother, rory Culkin, plays uronymous. It's all really weird. You wouldn't think so, perhaps in these times of Ray or walk the line or even Bohemian rhapsody, but if you know the scene at all you would see the strange enginess in all of it. This is a scene that wants to stay insular and underground really, or they say they do. They like to childishly use terms like poser and true. No tolerance for sellouts, you know, sellouts like Dave and myself. So a Hollywood movie about the subject just feels kind of weird. That being said, I did kind of like it being a movie. They had to squash it all into a three act structure, which is always the odd part of these biographical pictures based on musicians. I usually don't like that about these films. Oliver Stones doors movie had to add this mystical, almost magic element to a story about a drunk, egomaniacal hippie. Basically they do similar ratcheting up of drama in all of these movies, because ultimately a movie about a band is just a movie about guys fucking around on instruments until they come up with some cool shit. That's really it. I mean everyone has drama in their lives, so I could really make a film about anyone if you chalk their life up and fit it into some Hollywood film template. The difference here is that the Norwegian black metallers really killed people and set churches on fire, etc. So you would think it's inherently got more of a head start on being a compelling story, and it does. But the thing that got my attention is that, whereas the book created these legendary figures of mayhem and emperor uronymous and Vargue Vikerness, these Norse warriors in the icy forests of Norway, the movie definitely goes out of its way to show the reality. These were kids doing stupid, fucked up shit.

They show the famous scene where Uronymus goes into the apartment and finds his singers body, who has just blown his own head apart with a shotgun. They show how Uronymus goes out and comes back with a camera to take photos of the body, even repositioning it for better composition, before ever calling the police. This is all famous lore to fans of the genre, but the film makes a point of showing uronymous finishing dinner with his picturesque family beforehand, before going out and finding the body. He makes jokes with his little sister. It all seems very normal and mundane. His interactions with his little sister are kind of ten under to be honest. This is what I like about the movie, I think. I mean, yeah, it's interesting to see things like uronymous is deaf or the burning of the churches played out on screen, and they do a good job. But even more impressive is the way they humanize these teenage kids. The scenes of a young mayhem in a jam space, being dorks rocking out, coming up with their super cool band names like the bassiest necro butcher and Drummer Hell Hammer. Mind you, these guys still go by these names now in their s, but seeing them as pimple faced metal head kids just bashing out music and some s basement this was cool to see. The reaction to the film online, in black metal comment threads or whatever, has been largely critical, as is to be expected because this being black metal, a lot of the fans who like to take themselves and they're seeing very seriously, would rather keep mayhem and burs m on their legendary pedestals. Yeah, man, I know you're not a huge black metal fan and I do, however, know that you know, you're you're into a good film. Yeah, sure, yeah, if you get a chance, I'd recommend seeing this one. And it's not the best biopic, or biopic however you want to pronounce it, that I've seen, but it is it is interesting and, like I said, the story is compelling enough where you know it's it's entertaining to watch, and so I think someone who's not really into the scene per se could still enjoy this movie. But so, yeah, there are a ton of these movies like I don't know if you've seen. Did you check out Bohemian rhapsody about Freddie Mercury? Know any chance? No, no, no, it's not really my bag. I don't know, man, I don't know these whole musical films. Listen, if it's not about Jojo, why the fuck should I care? Seriously, though, there's a new film coming out about David Bowie's early years called Star Dust with Mark Barn and some young can't remember the name of the actors playing Bowie, but anyway, Huh. They just showed a they just release clips online, the first clip, and the reviews are coming out, and I'm not really big on trusting all the reviews and stuff. But even then it's not really drawing so much interest out of me where I want to go to the theater and see it, like it's one of those I'll check it out on a Sunday afternoon again when it's streaming or something. It's not, and that's the kind of film that should really be grabbed me by my call or something. Yeah, you want to see this is about Bowie, for Christ's sakes, you know, but it's just not. No, it's not doing it for me. So, yeah, as far as the death metal scenes, see if about that. I can appreciate you said it's a decent movie. Yeah, but it's definitely not on my my q. So to be sure, you know, I will say, as I mentioned in the piece of written...

...that these movies are a little strange, especially for someone like you or I who write music. You know, I think, I think people that don't write music, are people that just watch these movies and have no experience in that sort of life or field. There's a certain kind of again, it's another putting people up on these pedestals. Like I said, the doors movie, they tried to make Jim Morrison look like this like mystical figure, and but it's like, Dude, the movie it's this is a dude just would get on stage and get drunk and thought he was deep in seeing all this poetry. Not In Jim Morrison Fan, are we? Well, I mean I appreciate the doors like anyone, but I'm just saying a movie about it's like it's a fucking dude. It's a band, you know, it's like, you know, I somebody that writes great music and unless someone has had some crazy life that, I don't necessariily need to see a movie about it. That's why I'm saying this movie was ready made. You know, the the it was, the scene was interesting enough to make a movie about because of the crazy shit that went on. Like I don't want to see a movie about like Bohemian rhapsody, I don't really care. It's a queen got popular, they wrote songs, they got popular, they played a big venue, oh my God, and that's basically the movie. It's not like there's I don't know, I mean the Johnny cash movie was a little better because you know, when someone gets strung out, there's a little bit of meat to the story, I guess. But even me, being an addict, I don't really care about seeing that in a movie. It's like, okay, big deal. So to me at least, lords of chaos was interesting because of the crazy shit that he's kids did and it's that weird juxtaposition of the acts that they did in the weird legendary personas that were created, the names in the whatever, all the bands and the legends they kind of built for themselves. But it's you also see that it's just these confused fucking kids, people like we knew growing up, calling each other poser and you know you like that band. You're so lame like that. It's just it's weird to see, but it's still an interesting movie. I do recommend it it and one thing I do like about it I like the fact that this is a scene where the fans are so self important. They think they you know, they're they're so like, you know, humorless and just, you know, Oh, the world is dark and I don't know, it's just it's a weird scene. So to see a movie that kind of it takes down that legend status and shows the reality of it. I like that because it's kind of like, dude, don't take yourself so seriously. These dudes, like I said, they're just pimple faced kids in a metallicas share in a basement. fucking could barely play. These are not gods that you speak of, you know, even though a lot of fans treat them like you said. They have on a pedestal and I think this person's are fucking genius, but realistically, they put on their pants the same way, the same way that we did, and they probably had all the same problems that we in fact did as well. And just to kind of expand on this a little bit, I would be more interested in seeing a documentary then seeing a fictionalized or film that is based on true events. You sure? I mean? Well, there are tons of those two. Yeah, those aren't been that's cool, that's cool, but I'm saying I would, if you really wanted me to sit down and watch something about any kind of topic I would much rather watch a documentary than sure this guy whatever you just mentioned. Yeah, was mcaulay culkins brother, which sucks to be or okay, you remembered his name, because I was going to say that sucks. It was like everybody remember mentions. You, you're just mcaulay culkins brother, but right at my drift, you know what I mean. I just I would rather watch a factual, you know, yeah, production, rather than yea film. So,...

...yeah, you know it. Here's I'm with you, Bro you are with me, you are with me, we are hand in hand. So we gotta go. We got to get the fuck out of here, just to be blunt and honest. I got some shit to do. But before we do, and this program question for you. If they ever make the film about the selling out show, who plays Nate Gorzenski? Jeez UM, Michael fastbender. Really, that is a wonderful choice and so great because this is completely off the cuff. There was no preparation here, there was no all, I just threw that up. there. You are, fucking magneto. This is wonderful. I like Michael Faster Hey. WHO Doesn't? Who Are you? Who? Oh, who am I? Oh My, the choice for me is obvious. There's only one man who has ever roamed this earth who could dare wear my skin on screen, and that would be a Vagoda. So, with though, I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning into our humble little program virtual hugs all around. Can you feel me squeezing you? Sure hope you can. I am Dave. That is nate, and this has been the selling out show.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (82)