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Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 5 · 3 years ago

Ep.#5 Prison

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Have you ever been curious about life on the inside? We provide a first hand account of survival in prison. The system, addiction, routines and what one learns to appreciate while being locked away is discussed in detail. All this plus Bob Barker and how to barter behind bars.

Formaly mediayou were now Toi theselling out hoc. What it does is breaches into a brain,chemically n o Gage your happiest memory, Chenically Lot, not thatdevotion wated chemically and then it happy happyalon, hello, Elo and welcometo the selling out show uponcast about the world. We live in osted by a coupleof knuckleheads who screwd things up at every turn. I am one of your Hoy Stavidshilt and by my side, is my good bud. Nekuazinski nate. How are you todaygreat man summer day and I haven't been picking up poop for one in a long time,so it's been a nice ti ones in forever. It's like in a lifetime thing man. Ithought you just make something up like just ndo go with the theme you know.Well, I I cleaned some litter boxes, but that's not really. That's just partfor the course. I don't even need to to talk as lumpy Yeah Kay everybody. Thistime out. We have A, I think, it's a fairly interesting main topic and it'sgoing to be about Fr. Is it now na I've only spent one night in theclink, but you are a little bit more of an expert in this h subject: I'd haveto say sadly yeah suddenly, but sadly, but you got some stories to tell thandwe're going to explore some of those today sure sure, sir, can I tell youone quick thing, though absolutely my one night I in jail was because of itdrunkan disorderly. I was a complete noter idiot who who got to fight with abouncer at a bat, because I claim my jacket was inside, but I'd even wear ajacket to the bar that night. Well, when I know I had to do the ride in thePatty Wagon, which was a nightmare and when w they took me to the jail cell, Idid the whole. Nobody knows: Rinbut thyou can't really clang the barsbecause they have like a flaslike pess like Sayglass like seaglass over thebars. So I was just the most annoying crick all night, long to the police andthe other people in the jail sells. You know you're making them do theirjob man. That's that's! That's your responsibility as an inmate, especiallywhen you've been drinking when they lock you up, come on man, you're notgoing to make it easy for them. You know: thyre they're, GOINTA, youthey're, giving you a rough night. You can give them a rough nite too. Thatwasn't my intention per se. I was just angry that I was being locked up likean animal right and actually, while we were in the drunk tank, there wasanother guy in there who had like these crocodile boots, but they're appointi,and I remember it just being like hey iron shee. What are you in here? Foryou kick your Old Lady with those boots. You know ND and dude. I I had to go tocourt for this. I don't know a month later or something, and I saw him inthere and he looked at me- goes hey there, wild man and I'm like O. I guessiy made a lasting impression on a crocodile boot guy yeah. It would havebeen funny if well, I don't know about funny, but it would have beeninteresting if he was in there for, like a domestic charge, an a it waslike a salt with a deadly weapon, and it was those crocodile boots. He waspretty quiet. I don't know if hit's cause, I freaked him out or maybe, likeyou were saying he was in there. For that reason, I have no idea, but that'smy little story, and I know you got a whole bunch more and I don't know ifyou want to elaborate a little bit on the system in itself, because a lot ofpeople we're becoming aware now of the wholeprivatization of prisons, right as in the news, because a lot of politiciansare invested in these these prisons and it's a cash cow for them to have peoplelocked up. How do you feel about that? Well, yes, of course, I have plenty ofopinions about government policy regarding prisons. It's pretty prettynear and dear to my heart. I mean the the problems inherint in privateprisons, uh thoughts about the war on drugs ingeneral and how much of a failure? It's been- I mean yeah. The private prisonindustry is problematic in that you're, basically, banking on people to screwup and and taking time away from them, putting them in prison is it becomes aprofitable thing that that's your goal is Goin to make sure you're fillingthese cells and when that's the case, it's like, I don't know it. It justseems so sinister to have somebody profiting over. You know, crimes beingcrimes taking place and the the...

...punishment in the person toning forthem. It's it's I don't know, that's shady is hell. I I having been someone,that's been incarcerated and seeing what it's like in there and how theygradually have. They take more and more things from the prisoners which mostpeople aren't too concerned about because to most people, it's like theseare just prisoners. These are you know. These are the dregs of society, I'm nottoo concerned with how comfortable they are, but but people are in there foryears sometimes- and it's like you, maybe yeah sure you're you've donesomething messed up one day or whatever it may have been, and then for yearsyou may have. You may feel, like you're, a different person and have atoned forwhatever you've done. I mean you're a changed person after a while. Sometimessome of these people are genuinely decent people in there who made amistake talking about the whole privatizing of prisons thing you know,they're putting people in there for minor crimes right because they getouhold the seats right, that's how they amount their money. You know they gonto jam. These P places full of people. You know so whether it's smoking, aGiba or whatever the case may be. It's like all right, throw 'em throw hem inthere theres money in our pocket's mother, Fucker Yeah. I mean youdefinitely get a unique perspective on things when you've been on thereceiving end of a lot of these laws, and you spend spend time behind theproverbial bars. I mean the main thing you notice, when you get locked up, ishow many of these quote menaces to society are just people with drugproblems. I basically I would who would be better served by treatment, because,ultimately, what they have is a mental disorder. Don't get me wrong? I've mettons of people in Jiler prison who are probably there eserve a yeah and it'sit may be the most appropriate place for some of them. You know some peoplehave trouble getting along with others, even without drugs, but you know, ofcourse, many addicts if they've wound up locked up are at the point wherethey are making life difficult for other people, but I can't shake thethought that I, if we handle drugs differently as a nation, that a lot ofthese problems would disappear, the cells would open 'em, and you know Imean the whole black market h would would vanish once you make somethinglegal. I know it's a controversial subject, but I mean we're just shootingthe shit here. You know yeah, but Um did you look at a placelike Portugal? I don't want to get off on a total Tanga here, but you get youlook at Portugal and you wonder why we haven't followed their lead, because intwo thousand and one Portugal became the first country to like decriminalizepossession and consumption of all illegal substances, a list of subsaceslike, rather than being arrested, all those people that are getting caughtwith a personal supply. You know not necessarily the dealers, but they theymight be, given a warning, a small, fine or or they're directed towardstreatment. I mean yeah and ANA kily, so right but dude asas a result over the next few years. After doing this, they saw huge dropsin drug use, HIV and hepatitis, indfection raids, overdose, deaths.Guess what and also incarcerating rates drops. You know it's like yeah. It's Idon't know man, it's but hey. You know what the thing is, though, when the thing that had to happen 'cause Imean they were at their peak. I guess in Portugal of of drug problems, the OPIOID crisisspecifically back in the seventies, and it took until two thousand and one forthe laws to teach and that's basically because public perception had to changelike in America. We're still at this point in America, where people look atan addicts as a dirty person with a moral issue and Um and that's you know,that's really got ta change. It's like we're, not bad people trying to get.You know good, where sick people trying to get well orwere. You know. So Idon't know I mean that's a tangent about about drug policy and whatnot,but that leads to what we're talking about here with prison. So I mean itdoes tie in Ra yeah. You know- and I'm probably going to say this- a lat toepisode. But if you don't mind me asking you know because you've beenthere, so I don't want to be. It might be a sensitive thing for you.I don't know, but I I want to ask anyway, how long were you in prison forwell? Okay? So it was a chain of incarcerations through my twenties. I Ihad served my first time. I served a year. I was out for a little while, maybe ayear, and then I went back in for I think eighteen months then I was outfor a little while I went back in for nine months all told my twenties were adecade where I spent about half of it. Just over half my twenties, I spentlocked up and the rest of the time I...

...was either using on the streets or in facilities or whatnot. You knowrirhabs and detoxes, but yeah B I spent just over. I think, five years, totalbetween twenty one and like technically in my early thirties, butum but yeah. So I mean I've got a little experient a decade. You KnowInout, I I spent half a decade of the decade, but yes yeah over the course ofa decade I spent about half of it t larcer, so yeah Kno met a lot ofinteresting people and h learned a lot of things about a part of society thatmost people don't get to see so yeah. When I talk to you I's Kindoffunny, sometimes when you bring up some of the lifestyle things in jail but butone of which I is products, you always Gav me with that kind of stuff. Theother day you tell me Bob Barker Line of like jumpers or something UK whomakes a coffee. You know let us know, what's going on in there, who's, makingall this junk. Okay. So it's interesting! You mentioned the BobBarker thing 'cause. I was just doing a little research because I knew I knewwe was not talking about this and when we go to prison, wh N, when I'd end upthere, you see on the boxer shorts on the uniforms um on the shoes that theygive to broke people who don't have shoes when they get locked up. You seeBob Barker Company and everyone talks about. There's this story about how BobBarker had a son who had a a criminal past and BobBarker heard that his son didn't have the necessary toiletries for somereason or whatever. So he and and things like that, so he ended upgetting involved. Okay, so what I learned was that this is all bla, theBobar Dud, the Bob Mark. Does this WH, who makes all these products orwhatever is not? What El Sat? Yes, yeah blame. You know snopes for raining onour parade here: Eh Fuck, Loos Nobud. I warn to come on day it terts. It turns out that the Bob Barker wasactually, I guess, like a senator from some other state or something but myeah. I really wish it could have been like tacked on to his happy GilmorePerson. You know like wow this Bob Barker dude is pretty cool for an oldAB, but he didn't want to get the prisoners spade or nutered got to becareful there with old bobby boy. IT'S A it's! It's a good story, it's one ofthose things where the H, where the urban legends better than the truth.But what what I will say is that the there's a company nowadays thatsupplies all of the products that are available for purchase when y? U, whenyou're incarcerated, there's not like a store, you can go to you're, notcarrying cash Um. Every every inmate has an account and people can come anddrop money off on your account, visitors and whatnot, or if they'refeeling you know generous or Um. Sometimes you get a job while you'relocked up or you're somehow earning money and Um, and that money goes on your account.It's all you know it's all on some database and then youget an order form you fill it out and within a few days the big shipmentarrives on the block and everyone's happy and it's like Christmas morning.You get all your all your canteen and the people that can't afford canteineare looking out their cell doors at everyone else getting theirs and theylook like shubpies that you know they're, like ohbut people aren'tmaking license plates. Like we see in the movies I mean there may be stillsome kind of prisons that do that, but a lot of the time. No, it's it's. Imean the jobs you find in. There are usually cleaning up the block. You areon Um, sometimes you're in a work release block where you're allowed toleave the facility and actually go to an outside job, but those jobs are areare hard to come by there's a lot of people in there waiting for them. Youget on a list and you know you're waiting for a job to open up, whichmeans you're waiting for someone to wrap up their sentence or you'rewaiting for them to get. You know in trouble and get sent to Theryou knowsolitary, but yeah I mean Pai. Jobs are hard to find in there. So what a lot ofpeople turn to there are a lot of ways to make money that don't you know,aren't over the counter, so to speak Y, the ore under the table sort of jobs asas in y. You got people that are good artists and will draw a portrait of youknow another inmate's kid or something like like s hey. I have this photo ofmy son. Can you draw a nice portrait of him and that stuff's worth money inther men? The barter system is alive and well in prisons. Like people willdo your laundry for you by hands Um,...

...because you send your your clothes toto the laundry service in prison, it sometimes comes out stained and grosslike I don't trust my laundry being sent in and washed with everyone else'sSup. For some reason. It just always comes back gross and Um and reallyrinkly, and I don't now and Um. So there are people on the blocks thatwill hand wash your stuff and in their cells, and it kills time for them like'cause, you're, bored and Therr e. A lot of prison is just you know, notfinding ways to kill boredom. So these people are washing clothes and thenthey get paid for it. You might you know when in the way they get paid forit, they say: okay, every shirt I wash I charge a candy bar or a couple ofRamins soups or whatever you know, th Y, they they're p they're paid incanteeneitems. The items you buy those items can we get back to that Real, QuickHeer? You knowlet's talk about the Larry Zanka Sports, we'v dispelled the whole Bob Barkerthing now. We know the prices right guide, some other crustly old fuck, but what about some of the other productsare there? Are there any notable celebrities that re are on prison?Stuff? Okay? Yes, so it's odd Um but- and I I'm not very knowledgeable onsports, but one thing I noticed was that the company that does supply all these the toiletries and thesome of the cookies and snacks that you get. They utilize certain celebrities H.for, for example, I noticed I was buying shaving cream and it was Dandeerdwarf shaving clam. It's got a picture of damned deerdorf smiling facethere you go and then there'll be like Nomargarciapara, cookies, forexa orsomething like that. You know I, I the there's a lot of Um sportspersonalities that you don't really see as much anymore, but now their facesare popping up on cookies in jail or shaving, cream and Um. So it's yeah.It's interesting. I don't know where they get hooked up with those kind ofendorsements, but Um. You know good for them. Yo Must Be Pas with Bob BarkerYan. That's the only thing I can think yeah. I know yeah, I mean it's, it'sweird. There's the system Ih've always been involved in I've. I've been inWorcester County and when I went to the state in Massachustts Yeah Massachusetts,exactly that's what itwas getting it Um Massachusetts H has their own way ofdoing things and every state is different, but what I've noticed isover the years the Department of Justice Nationally seems to have movedto this one company that supplies all the canteen items. It's it's theirbusiness specifically is the stuff they sell in prisons. It'syou know there, the coffee, you get the yeah the toiletries. All that stuff isall supplied by this company called Keif K, e e fek services and Um they yeah. They have their own way of doingthings. They must have some warehouse full of Damn derdor shaping creamsomewhere and they send it out to the different prisons. Each week and yeahyou get your stuff, but Um George Foreman has to have his finger in theresomewhere. I would imagine I would imagine I guy fucking hawks anything.He would hawk a tumor yea he's making some money, but uh yeah. They used toWorcester County Massachusetts used to have an actual store. When I startedgoing to jail back, you know twenty someodd years ago they had a store atthe Wocester jail that each block, one by one would on Thursday, or whateverday your block had canteene day you'd go to this store. They actually wouldpick the items off the shelf for you. They were behind like a cage, you'd gothere, you'd order, you know, and they actually had name brand stuff. They hadtownhouse crackers, they had oreo cookies. They had Peter Pan Peanutbutter whatnot. Eventually they move to the system where it's all by Keif, youorder it it comes in from outside. I don't know if that's due to like thepeople that worked in the store, maybe something shady happened, where theywere passing drugs or whatever it was. Usually it's a security issue thatmakes them crack down to to s. You know to some new system and- and there goesthe name Branh Yep, now Olong Yeh. Now you get all this generic coffee and stuff, that'snowhere near as good, but you you deal with what you caone thing that I wantto say, though, is that when I'm a huge coffee drinker I drink so much coffeeon the outside and when you're inside there's not much else to do so, youtend to drink coffee all day and just...

...out of boredom and it's the closestthing to a drug that you usually get in there. So it makes you feel good andyou know ' something to do so Um. What I noticed was that over theyears they started taking away the creamer and the sugar. So now allthey sell is sugar substitute and they sell a powdered milk that you canbuy. But I I was, I was wondering why they stopp selling coffee creamer andit turns out coffee creamer is highly flammable and if you have someway tospark it, it can actually it flares up. I think magnesium sin there yeah somekind of magnesium and UH. So in sugar they stop selling sugar because peopleuse sugar to make homebrew and things like that. It helps the alcohol fermentor whatever, so they they, you can still buy sugar, but you're buyingindividual packets of sugar, like you'd, get at a at a Duncan donuts for freethey're selling, each packet of that sugar for like a quarter that which iswhich is another issue. Everything is so expensive in there you're onlyallowed to spend, say fifty dollars a week or whatever, whichsome people don't even have fifty dollars on their books, and you end upspending so much. I mean the the Raman soupswhich, on the street you're getting ten for a dollar whatever they are in therethey. The last time I was in they were about a dollar each and I'm sure it'smore expensive. Now, 'cause things just tend to go up in price. You know, astime goes by inflation, supply and demand. It's sad man, th y. They theydefinitely and again. Nobody really cares about theeing. Nobody cares thatthey're charging an inmate, a Dollaon, er Sut, 'cause they're, like crime, ariver. You know you robbed a store or you did this or that so you're. Youknow I say, take my shoelaces, but don't take my coffee stuff. Don't takemy sugar, you mentione. The barter system is really big inside there. Whatabout what about relationships in general, like making friends becomingassociated with ot people, because a lot of us will have like thepreconceived ocean? You know what you see on TV that you go in and you'relike th, the fish or whatever the case may be, and you're GOIN AO become insomebody's bitch and on and on and on what was your experience withinteracting with others in the slam? Okay, so when you first walk in, thereare a handful of people in every block that like to try to intimidate peopleas they walk in and they'll yell stuff out their cell doors and- and itusually is something like that fish or or they make some some comments tryingto intimidate whoever's coming in, but usually it stops after the person getsto their cell and the doors shut and Um. Usually it's it's it's nowhere near thethe situation you see in movies things happen, people are victimized and if,if you go in there and you're a troublemaker and you have troublegetting along with people which a lot of people do they're locked up, youknow a lot of people are right, so those people tend to have issues andget into a lot of fights or whatnot. But personally I've never been someonewho rocks the boat, I'm somebody who can usually get along in any situation.I I I'll be honest. I'm not a big Fan of confrontation, I' I'm somebody thatlikes to get along a'm somebody that likes to have conversations with peopleand get along with people. So when I go in there, I'm not abrasive enough of a person toalways be rubbing people the wrong way, and I tend to find other people thatare similar. So when there are people that are the type that like to start trouble or like tovictimize other people, I usually just don't associate with them, and iftrouble comes to me Y, you have to deal with it. I mean t the myth abowed. Whenyou get locked up, you need to fight the first guy. You see because then yyou make sure you've got a name in there that you're not going to befucked with and this, and that, like I've, heard all that Shit, I've noticedthat when you go in, if you're not causing a lot of problems, a lot ofproblems, you usually don't come to you, but if a problem does come to Ou, ifsomething happens you can't back down because that that immediately is iscause for people to come and mistake, kindness for weakness or or just takeadvantage of your weakness and- and I mean Du just a nature of life- yeah.Really it's the animal kingdom right. Absolutely it's it's totally nature ina condensed yeah like situation, and they,like you, see so much of the the laws of nature in there and it's it's weirdman. I I say you know I've never really...

...had too many problems, but in the beginningI made a lot of mistakes. I'm not going to lie like I I I went in. I was hyper aware of you know everything inthere. I I I I wanted to make sure I wasn't going tobe victimized. I wanted to m make sure that I at least held some kind ofrespect, like other people, a I wasn't going to be taking advantage of, andthings like that, so I I did hang with some of the tougher guys you you hearall these stories about. You have to stick with your race. Youhave to make sure that you're, you know you're a solid white guy if you're,white and e you e this or that an and while you tend to gravitate to peopleof your race just because that's how everyone is in there, it's just it'snot like some law, where they're going to come up to you. If you're sittingwith with people of another race, hat a Chowhall and and give you shit like hey,hey, hey, break it up, you guys canl, sit togethereyou, know like a weresidestore yeah. My my workout partners and cardpartners when I was upstate in conquered prison were a Portuguese kid,a Hispanic kid and a black dude and me it was you know it was, and nobodybothered us. We all got along great and we looked like United States ofBennington ad or some KINDOF. You know gap ad or something but um, but I willyeah. I know about the gap. You guys were wearing a differentfashion. Bob Barkers GAPLIAPA Barker exacty when I first went in okay, so Imy first my first sentence of serving a year and I happened to come in the sameday as this Lebanese dude. It's not a racist thing, I'm just saying it tomake it easier to identify him, as the story goes on, so I'm new in thislittle Lebanese Tude who's. A few years younger than me happens to strike up aconversation at the bullpen in at court with me and turns out he's in there,because some underage girl is accusing him of like grabbing her tits orsomething not so wholesome. You know and yeah. Of course, he swears he'sinnocent whatever. For some reason, she's just telling me the story,despite that being like a charge that can get you fucked up or force you tocheck into protective custody when you're in there I mean you know acharge like that y. You know you shouldn't be talking about that. 'causepeople don't want to hear that they're sharing a block with with a a diddleror you know, a rapist or that's the biggest Ori Yeah. That's a big one thatsnitching stuff like that, so Um. So anyway, T I get locked up. Iget out of court, they bring me the jail, they put us in separate units, soI didn't see the kid for a while. So like eight months later, I'm in thiscomfortable block, I'm working in the kitchen, I've gotten to know a lot ofpeople, I'm in the groove. You know I got my my routine down and one day theLebanese kid is moved on to our block and he's gotten comfortable in jail too.So He's all loud and being this young thug type, who causes a lot ofcommotion, talking a lot of shit and he's just an irritating presents on theblock, so the group I tended to hang around with at the time just mostlyhappened to be big white. Dudes, probably you know probably affiliatedwith groups. I don't agree with, but I was young and I had heard that youstayd with your own race. Etcetera, is my first time in so they were likeovert Nazy, skinheads or anything just a bunch of yeah, solid white dudes.They called Hem and they were cool with me 'cause I was white too. They calledthem solid. I was like Thethin, like you know: Hey man, you're, solid you're,cool, yeah, you're, solid white. Through your your so y y. You know it'slike yeah, basically, you're a stand up, dude, whatever so Okyeah and I meanthere's a so sort of code in there where, like I said, if you have a shadycharge like a sex crime or hurting a kid or snitch or whatever it says so,on your paperwork and then there would be a valid reason to force someone outof the block and into protective custody. So one of these big whitedudes, I knew actually said one day like I wish we had a reason to checkthat Lebanese kit into PC, 'cause he's so loud and annoying like. I wish wehad some valid reason: 'cause they weren't going to just do it for noreason: 'cause the lebanease kid was affiliated with a gang too, and youcan't just attack some gang member without a valid reason or you're goingto start a gang mar in there. You know, but I knew that the kid was in therefor allegedly touching and underage girl and rather than mind your ownbusiness. You know, as I've learned to do in the meantime, I was all caught upin the energy of these tough dudes sayind fluck. This kid. We need areason to get him off the block, and so ISI go hey. If you guys emphasis on youguys, a chair check his paperwork. I...

...hear he's got like a a diddler chargelike a touch in an underage girl charge, so I expected these guys to be allsyched and to start making moves. Well. What I didn't know at that young age isthat what these guys wanted more than anything was like entertainment, andsince I was the one who was putting the you know touching kid jacket on the guy,like I'm the one, that's calling him a didler or whatever they wanted me to gocheck the kid in like personaloff, and I I didn't even really care enoughabout the situation o like fight the kid or confront him. I was just someyoung asshole who should have kept my mouth shut, but oally yeah. I thought those bigdudes wanted a reason to check the Kittin, but instead now they're lookingat me like dode your accusing him of this, then it's you who goes andhandles it and for them it's just all entertainment. They all get to watchthe shit go down, so it does make sense. I mean I was the one who said somethingI was. I was just trying to be a little pussy and keep my hands clinging at thetime yeah. But now it's turning Tho Goladiater, you kno. So now I had to goto the kid and be like hey man. You Got Ta go, you know and of course, the kidwanted to fight to stand up for himself and try to regain some honor and for aminute I was nervous that somehow that charge was maybe somehow off his recordnow or something and- and I I'd have to deal with issues with this gang orsomething for calling this kid, a skinner when he wasn't and Um, but whenwe were alone right before he took his first swing at me in the mop closet orwhatever he kind of whispered in this pathetic voice dude. Why did you haveto say anything? So I knew I knew it was valid and, despite him being thisloudmouth like pest on the block, I actually felt a little bad. Like Idon't know the whole story. Maybe he didn't really touch the girl and shewas just you know a bit. She was like talking S, I don't know, and I betrayedhis trust, even though you know the kid has a didler charge. I still felt I'mstill somebody who, how is so fucking weird man. This is like it's a terrible comparison, but it'slike high school you're trying to fit in with a certain Click Yep. You know,and you think you're doing something to to appease that and they turn it on youand you're, not like one of them anymore. You're, just like a fuckinglab, ran yeah. I was a crash dummy. They calle that, like a crash dummy Wenyeah, yes fucked up, they can send some dude to go. Do some shit and entertainthem and fight fraze yea. I was crash dummy, but I so how ID this fight godown y. You said you're in a mop, clawssaid yeah. He whispered to youlike why the fuck you betray me and then you guys shousd start swingingyeah. Basically, he swung at me, and I mean I yeah. I Si I had to canhit thekid I mean I. I really only connected like three or four times before thepeople started, saying like the guards are coming and whatnot and I havealonger reached than the kid and I was definitely connecting with his facewhen he was more just kind of glancing off me with. I you know J I I didn'teven have marks on me and everyone. Everyone ended up scattering and whenthe guards did their next like scheduled count, they happened tonotice this kid had you know his face was all swollen and they took him tothe infirmary and he never ended up coming back to the block and heapparently never snitched on meat either for doing it and H. Mostimportantly, perhaps I never had issues with the gangs. So presumably I wasn'twrong about all the shit you know, but that was a big early lesson FA. Younever did that again. No, I I stay out of the Shit you know. After that I meansome people live for, that some people go in there and it's they call it wreck.I'm getting rack like recreation like oh I'm gong to go, get some wreck. I'mgoing to go like start a fight with this dude and they enjoy, but to me Iwant to do my time easily. I want to be in there get it done as quick aspossible and anything that upsets my little routine. It fucks your ship. Didyou get into this routine when you're locked up? Where y you learn what to doin the morning? What to do you know in between Chow to fill your time in thewhole point of the day? Is How do I feel my day and get this day over withso I can start the next one and kill that day and next thing you know thetime is pretty much flying by, like I, I said before that prison time is likethe fastest increment of time. It seems to fly by next thing. You know you'returning around you're like wow that month, just flew by and that's great,when you're in there, but when you get...

...a little older or you've, you know you're realizingyou'r. You spent. However many years in ther. You start realizing wow, I'm justtrying to kill my life and get it over with you're. Not Appreciating your lifeyou're just trying to kill the time, and that is the real punishment in there is thatthey're stealing life from you, they're Stealig, like they take you away fromthe things that you enjoy and you just have to get through it and Um. So Ilearned at some point that you don't stop living when you're in there like.I, I had to learn that like look, I have to still laugh. I I have to stillenjoy myself in here I'll go crazy, so I I don't know I started writing tosome weird groups that would send you books about how to to treat your timelike it's a instead of a prison, it's more of like an Ashram or a place tomeditate and like use your time to Kinda, maybe actually get better likethe actual purpose of jail is to rehabilitate, but it never does that.So I was like well that's on you yeah. Basically, it's what you're saying it'slike T, they're, not there to help you. They just wantto lock you up. If youwant to better yourself, you've gotta, do it yourself absolutely and you cando it and you can find people in there that are of the same minds at leastsomewhat. You know they may not be completely all about self improvementor whatnot, but you can at least stay away from the ones that are that aremaking things more difficult in perpetuating their cycle of destructionor whatever. So I don't know, I I like to think that my time in there wasn'twasted. If I wasn't arrested, I will say that I probably would be dead bynow like I, when I was locked up at that time in my addiction, I think the only thing that was able tostop me from using was being physically removed from it. Like I wasn't stoppingon my own, I was. I stopped because hey you're in a cell, it's hard to getdrugs in here, you're, not going anywhere so Youe just gotto get throughit and next thing. I know it's been six months and I feel great, I feel healthyand you'd always come out. Jacked I'll.Give you there yeah yeah ID work out, and I don't know I I learned toappreciate feeling healthy and feeling good, naturally, instead of just yeah,just doing all these drugs for a fake yea feeling of of peace. So there'splenty of stories like that. There's plenty of mistakes I made as far asthat fight that I went through. I I of all that time that I spent in there. Ithink I was trying to think back. I've only been in three fights totals, and so that's notbad. Considering all the the time I spent but um, but that one was probably the thebiggest lesson I learned from a frelike. Other fights were more like justdefending myself from some idiot who's pulling some stupid shit or whatever,like like. I said you can't back down so if somebody tries to steal somethingfrom you or tries to yeah like cheat at cards on, you know with you when you'replaying for money or whatever it's like. Sometimes you have to you have to fight.You know get to stick up for yourself and that sucks yeah. But you knowthat's a lesson. You hopefully learn when you're younger. You know that yeaho know so well, everybody you know, expects shivs and h. You know thescenes from movies were in line for food, someone picks up like the hotfucking chilly or something and throws it in someone else's face and they'refucking skin melts off. You know, that's the thing you know just likeanything else. Movies and television perpetuates this kind of idea that weall have about prison, and you know you being a someone who's been thereconsiderable amount of time there. Now we've just discussed. You know some ofthe some of the things aren't that far off I mean yeah. As far you know again,the chily thing is fucking out there. You know I mean I hase Picke, that oneit ran him off the top of my head, but a lot of like the the social things toin fact, existenc side there, Sir Yeah people like I said people do takeadvantage of others. They do victimize people therethere are tha. One thingthat I will say: that's that's been kinda unfairly propped up in in the media andwhatnot is, is the whole the treatment of of like homosexuality in jail likefor the most part, you don't see a lot of like people being raped and victimized, and things likethat in the prisons I've been in because, for the most part, like I said,a rapist, a a child, molestor o any of those sex crimes. People are not coolwith in there. So unless somebody is a...

...complete monster and everyone else isafraid, tolike attack him for it usually someone's not going to get awaywith with raping a weaker person in there or something like that. I mean you see, you see some people like that are able to to maybe manipulatlyI've heard stories of of people whose roommates have been manipulative andlike well. You know, if Y, I might be able to get you some canteene if you're,really hungry or whatnot, if you, if you you know suck my dick or this like,I have heard stories like that. But for the most part, it's not like you know,I'm going to kick the shit out of you. If you don't, let me fuck you or someyou know it's. This is a really o Bounc Yoop in the soap. Everybody is alwaysdropping the soap yep. That's that's! Bullshit too man, that's yeah, you're,not GONTA, immediately get raped for bending over no, I mean first of all,it's hard to just get in there real quick. I guess you know someone pens over try to just stickyour Dick in as Real Quick Oo. It's hard work eh, but h, no honestly, likein T. first of all, a lot of the showers in a lot of facilities areindividual showers, but the ones that aren't I've noticed that, for the mostpart, people don't want to look around. People are in there they're, justwashing up. They may joke with the person next to them like telling alittle. You know talking, but no one's. Looking, no one's trying to get a lookat your shit when you're in there. You know they just want to get cleaned upand get out of there. Sometimes you'll see fights happen in this shower.That's one thing I have see I just quickly. I had a friend in there whohad an issue with this with this gang member and the guy kept getting attacked by thisone gang member kid and his name was P. my friend's name was Pete, so pet wouldget attacked by the skanting member kid and then end up beating the shit out ofthe kid, and so the kid who attacked him would end up getting his asket.Then it would happen again. The kid would be like pet would be in line for Chow, and the kid would tryagain and again P would kick the shit out of him. Finally, one day pizz inthe shower, and we saw on the block, we saw this gang member kid walking up tohis showers, individual showers on that plock, and we see the kid pull open theshower curtain and pizz in there buck naked and he's like. Ah again so hekicked the kids ass, butt naked on the tier like he comes out of the showerand beat the shit out of the Kidbuck, naked and yeah. After that, the kidkind of backed off it was just like. I guess I guess I'm going to give up now,but Um, but it was entertaining seeing somebody that was completely naked andcovered and shthere you go yeah like he kept getting his ass hape. But now I'mkicking your ass on my Dickis in your fate. You know so sniff, my balls, youknow that's that'd, probably be a deterring thing for most people, yeahyeah ad insult to injury. Did you make any friends in prison that maybe youknow you're still friends with now or you've kept in touch with or anythinglike that? Yes, I mean it's impossible not to meet somebody get along withinthere eventually, and I've made some really strong connections with people,and there are a lot of them that yeah I've never seen again, you get moved toa different facility or you get move to a different block or whatever it is,and you just lose touch, but there's a few that t the miracle of facebook atleast has kept me in touch with a few of them and in a few cases I actuallystill hang out with them. My Mats note segment this week I actually mentionone of them you'll see as as the episode goes on, but Um yeah for themost part, it's just a temporary friendship. You make and they're you'regrateful to have it when you're in there. Well. This has been a heavyheavy heavy topic. Next Episo we're going to have to talk about UNICORNS orsome shit just to Kindo, like balance it out, yeah Chil childhood cartoons weused to enjoy or something e yeah. Here we go with something hopefully ah yeah,something a little bit more light. I'm going to talk about my salad, no, myvinigret! You have anything else. You want to addon the topic or should we move on, I mean I, I could talk all day aboutstuff, but I mean I think, that's enough for now. I'm sure I'm sure well.Other stories will pop up in future episodes, but well the the previousepisode we had. You were talking about the shitters. So if you haven't heard the pets episode,if you're listening right now check out our archive and hear that one, but yes,so I'm sure some of your stories will pop up again yeah yeah that one thatone made sense because it combines jail and fecual matter, which I also end uptalking about a lot right right. I th thanks for sharing you storiesnatin. That was a some really interesting stuff. I mean it's just ayou know an inside look a lot of people. We just don't know we really don't Idon't You'e Mi you're, I pout an you.

Tell me these things and it's alwaysreally interesting to me. You know yeah and I would not survive prison. I cansay that wholeheartedly right now I I disagree 'cause. I always thought Ithought the same way and I gess Thai I've never been someone that liked confrontation. I've never been likesomebody that was really a fighter. I was I yeah, but you get through it.You'll get you get through anything, don't say: You'll get 'cause. I don'twant to get Arat, but I mean I am a fat Lazy Fuck. I can't live without mynetflicks, my vaping. You know things like that. I couldn't imaginebeing H, cooped up in a cell without my family, my friends and the things Ienjoy so, like you said, burning time, baby allright, let's take a quick commercial break and when we return the sellingout sound off, there are only two types of people in the world: those who loveinfermary media and those who have never tried it hey from the selling out show here- andI want to tell you about a company. I absolutely love bitten, vapors com,whether you are a notist or an experienced cloud. compenitor middnvapors has a wide variety of juices to tickle your taste buds and all theaccessories you'll ever need. Middenpapers dtcom always providesoutstanding savings on superior bat products, ship fast and straight toyour dour right now, fans the show coul use codes, selling out for anadditional thirty percent off, I'm enjoying mittenbapers Picki, asweetes smoo, candy, all Davin, and while this has become a personal favorto mine, you can spend days trying all the flavors that they sell. Don't wasteyour time with all the coil killing junk on the other Bab companies outthere, I'm a Papor, and I want the highest baldy and the best price andthe place to get that is bin papers, Dot, com visit them to dam, don'tforget, use codes, selling out at check up or thirty percent ofl. Some productscontained Nicotie, adult son Awere, the PODCAST. That tells youstories about what people have done while drunk well, also giving you somefacts about Oo, Booz and the bizarre and the places where these stories takeplace. We also have a weekly contest where you tell us where the Fi am sojoin. As for some drinking learning and laughing can listen on e tunes,stitcher spotify, Google play and anywhere else you get your pod gestFinus Al Mine at twiter, Instogram, an Fasebook, atgopulsal podcast and sendus your ung families in Anniton. You can also email your stories, topost apottast, a Gemal dtcom, a eainfirmarymedia SAR SIRP JERSERSR. All right, we areback the selling out sound off and nat. I got to be honest. It was kind of afailure is time around because I knew we were doing the prison episode and Iasked people on twitter. If there was one person living dead or fictional,that you could lock up and throw away the key. WHO WOULD IT BE? And can youimagine what most of the responses were, I'm in a guess, Donald Trump O that wasnumber one baby yep that was number one and then Hitler Yeah. You know what both make sense, but Iwas kind of hoping someone would say like Bob at the DMV yeah. You know thatfucking Cock sucker makes me wait in line for three hours. You knowsomething a little different and I don't know my my brother Bill. I Idon't know mother IER Basei. That would have been great T. I didn't get anymother, theresa o you know, or even like a character from like, I don't even know, Harry Potter orsomething people just hit me with shrump and Hitler, and I don't blame'em, but I think next time, if I ever were to ask a question like that againI'd just say: Dictional, because really, if you say living ordead, who else are you going to chooss besides trump and Hitland ye they gohand in Hand Yeh, I'm going to lock up lex Luther Se. I like TAT, rebble you're on a role man, mother, TheresaLikes Luther. I like these. Where were you when I a I weven, though I thinkit'd be kind of cell serving just to only give our answer. I not ask thegeneral public. I do appreciate those who did respond. Thank you for that,because I do poesties from time to time and I love reading everybody's replies.I also want to let people know that we also have a call in line now. So do yousay prank or do you say crank when you talk about making a a nathty phone call, I say prank with apzo yeah. Maybe it's like a regional thing. I've heard other people say,crank and call, and that never made sense to me. I don't know, I think, that's anotherone of those things that gradually became like common nomeclature, eventhough I think prank is the real word right, Yehermeah Yeah! Well, our phonenumber is seven, seven, four, seven, Oh one, nineteen, ninety three that goesstraight to voice mailes. You don't have to worry about me or nape pickingup and you can feel free to ramble on about whatever you want. If you likethe show, if you don't like the show,...

...if you want to talk about your catsprinkles, we don't care, I feel free to give us a call any time day or night,and if you want to engage with a show, you can follow us on twit or at sellingout, show or write us. An email selling out show at Gmale DOTCOM, and now Iused to be legendary for praying calls. Did you make any of those back in theday? I never really made any with you that I can recall yeah. I remember youtelling me about Hem, but I don't know I loved it. Ere I loved Hem. I rememberone time we had like all these cups and and bowls full of water and I'drandomly call people up and and make it sound like. I was taking a leap on likean endless leak and I I wouldn't let them hang up and one time I called aguy. I was calling Bob, I guess, and I'm like Hey Bob, what's going on andyou know the sound, the water and I making like grunting noises whateverand the fucking guy didn't hang up on me and I eventually get around toasking him what he did for a living and he sais. Oh I'm retired W. really whatweld you train to do? What did you do for most of your life and he responded,kill wow, and I said Oh boy, I got a hot one here and it turned out. He wasin the military but yeah he that was fairly humorous and, of course, wasback of the day before you'd record things yeah. It was all just for me andmy my friend's amusement right so yeah or you called an Nintendo hot line atbe like hey, my nintendois dirty and they'd be like well, you can clean itdoing this or that and you be like yeah. Well, I have it in the bathtub rightnow and it's not wo. You know stupid stupid stuff. Do you have any notableFranke calls? I mean nothing. I can really remember offhand. We we we hadour share as kids, but it was never. We were never that clever. I don't thinkprine calls weren't, really my forte, but o really. I was pulling Hem all thetime. We're two different animals unit, Eghes Yep, that's effect. I also wanted to talk about a couple ofshows that I really enjoy and I think deserve some recognition. Yes, pleasedo if you're a colic book fan, make sure you check out casme streadmill.They take a look at the back issue bins and give you a really thorough look atthe creators and the story in those books and they can be found ontoitor atcosmic tmill. If you like, conspiracies o thing about the cripto creatures,make sure youd check out secret transmission at secret transpot andthey actually have a video game show now at secret levels. pawed is hostedby a good body of mind that I've met online named toby, so yeah check. Thoseshows out call us write US talk to us. We want to hear from you now it's timefor another commercial break and when we return nates notes day from theselling out show here and tell you about Spanklu Ponloum is a multi award.Rinning Hoovergan used by professionals in the adult film industry smok isavailable at Hybra, pure silicon, natural n, Pi Spok is made with thehighest quality ingredients and his non standing hypoelogenic an cleans withease en hande your love life with sponk right now. Spun lude is by three getone free: there's no excuse not to give it a try, Punklu high and Brodic for anaffordable price, isits Mon Lu docom today- and you can thank me later- let's to en tay frenzy motor speed, WanWatch man, Crean infectits Plean Tarbo Plaza seals off the competition in hisdemastating Aspen draggin. He Rolling, Thunder Car ands crank upthe sixteen bow madness, an his overblown and Deadley ow tomow taxwatch, the big boys rampange down the Ol page spriend and Intereck Mahem,with bive Wednesday may had to head Negg Anand roaring down the pool listof DAMT every Wednesday. While the INECTRICITY holds ow. It's it's. It's,professor friends, Yo o e frend. They I show Feso Frentat, show Tas e Fen theit a show as te an that show if you like, Indi comics and also likepudcasts, please try. The professor frenzy show find the show in itunesearch and facebook episodes tweeded out on at Professor Frenzy on twitter.Thank you, Noman Dre, IDODOOR LP in time for na no, no beingan avid music fan as a teenager insured that I had some questionable role.Nodels I've pointed out in other segments that I don't blame any musicalartists for the bad choices I've made in my life, but the heroes I chose tolook up too often came with their own...

...share of baggage. My own drug historytook the predictable turns down from marijuana through Hallucinthe, gens andpsychodelics through the neighborhood of amphetamenes and tranquillizers ofeventually ending up stranded in the wasteland of heroin addiction, but inthe beginning it was a fun leisurely stroll and the scenery seemed reallybright and vivid. I remember listening to music when I was a pot, smokingteenager and even more so when LSD or mushrooms came into play. The chemicalsadded another dynamic aspect to the music de created this sort ofsynesthesia effect, where the sounds had it's tangible shape to them. Notsurprisingly, I gravitated towards bands that made these soundscapes likwhole environments made of noise rather than standard verse course verse. Songselectronic acts like the future sound of London or the orb were likesculptors of sound and even without a head full of acid, you could get lostin the worlds contained in their albums, but honestly, listening to the lifeform's album by future sound to London or Orbis to rare 'em by the ORB, whiletripping on psychodelics or even just when really stoned, I would say, ismore engrossing and entertaining than most movies that exist. It was virtualreality before virtual reality was the thing the years went by. I started writingmusic with friends and we usually at least tried to carry that influence ofpsychodolic audioworld building into our own music. To this day, it takes acertain type of person to really appreciate the music that I'm mostproud of making, because it's not usually listener friendly, verse, cores,verse, stuff. I've definitely written my share of simple catchy songs when Iwas in certain bands, but the stuff I really work hard on and take the mostpride in, requires some attention and reacts better with a mind. That's atleast been a little tenderized by psychodelics. The thing is my curityand excitement for these substanceas got the better of me. If I had juststopped at the level of Elucin Egens, I think I'd have been more or less okayin the long run. I still don't regret any of the tripping I did back then,and actually, I think most people would be well served by at least one or twoexcursions into the PSYCHODELIC world, but I guess I figured in for a pennyand for a pound, and I wanted to see what the fuss was all about with theother drugs I'd heard about people had told me that these beautifulhollucionagins were deadly and not to be trifled with, so maybe thecolloquial knowledge surrounding all these illicit substances, the otherones, is also overstated and kind of bullshit well spoiler alert. Some ofthe ship people warn you about is actually true, so, no matter how braveof a psychonotic explorer you consider yourself, maybe tread into the watersof opiits a bit more carefully or better, yet maybe just avoid themaltogether. I started using heroin at seventeen. It also had a profoundeffect on my relationship with music. I felt more connected to the songs. I'dlistened to, I felt like I was writing more passionately in the beginning.Heroine seems to make you more sensitive, which a which is ironic,because it actually numbs you and in the end, you lose pretty much allpassion for anything except the drug itself, and it didn't take that longfor me to start noticing that shit, I started being late for band practicesor missing shows, because I was perpetually waiting for my dealer.Anyone who's been there can tell you that you end up spending a huge amountof your life as an attic just waiting for these assholds who take your moneyand sell you your own death and then on top of it. They make you all wait allfucking day for it and you can't just say screw it. I'm leaving he's takentoo long, because without the drug yourpuking shitting mass of raw nerves,and he can't do much until he gets there. It's not like I consciously saidFuck Music. I, like this shit better now. It's just that. I got seduced byit and the lifestyle of a junkie makes it hard to commit to anything, even ifit's the thing you've dreamed about. Since you were a kid listening torecords, I tried to make it work. I remember when we had our first bigchance to go out with a tour bus opening for a couple of national acts.We had played with some bigger names, but now we were actually travelingaround spreading our music to places we've never been in front of biggercrowds, 'cause we're opening for established acts, and I tried to stockup on enough dope to last. The whole trip seems like it would be just a matter oftaking what you usually do daily and multiplying that by how many daysyou're going to be gone right. Well again, any addicts can tell you this.If you have more on you you're Gong, to do more, it's addiction, you know feeling good after a set younupdoinganother bag, feeling a little extra...

...hung over in the morning do an extrabag. An addict doesn't need to look hard for a reason to use so before youknow it. You've got some shows left to do, and you don't have the medicine toget through. That's when you either have to perform sick as a dog, or youhave to try to cop dope in a strange city, avoiding arrest and avoidingpeople, selling Yo fake shit, all that good stuff or you have to cancel theGIG either way the drugs are getting in the way of the band performing and thesad thing is usually as an addict. Eventually, you start looking at itlike. Well all these responsibilities I have are getting in the way of my druguse. It's it's fucked up this dream I had ever since I was a kid that seemedto be taking shape. I don't want to oversell it. We weren't like on our wayto becoming rock stars or anything, but but things were happening we weremaking money, we're making connections playing all the time. This thingeveryone tells you is a far fetched dream and we were starting at least todo it, and I was watching myself piss it away. It wasn't. The only issue in the bandlike one guy, was a pretty severe alcoholic one worked at a pharmacy andhad developed a bit of a Benzo Habit, pilfring ZANEX and clonipins from work.Only one dude was pretty much completely straightedged and he musthave just been tearing his hair out the whole time when we finally broke up. Ifinally had the opportunity to pursue my drug use full time. So that's what Idid the next decade or so was pretty devoid of music, to say the least, andnow my journey to get back to some kind of normal life has been uneven and fullof ups and downs. I spent a lot of time locked up, as I mentioned earlier, andthe last period of incarceration was back in o thousand and thirteen.Ironically. During that sentence, I met someone who has been instrumental ingetting me back on the horse musically. At the time I had long hair and a beard.The other inmates would call me big Jesus big, because there was also alittle Jesus. I started talking to my fellow savior, who naturally also hadlong hair and a beard, but he was a bit shorter than me. Hence Little Jesus. Itwas interesting because he was the first person in all my years, locked upthat shared my love for a lot of the same somewhat obscure bands. Plus hetold me he also played music himself more coincidentally. This guy waswrapping up his sentence the same week that I was, and so he invited me to gettogether with him and some other friends the weekend following ourrelease as it turned out, we all click very well musically and we've beenplaying shows together ever since I still find it odd that myreintegration into making music, which was once so important to me, startedwith a chance encounter behind bars and weirdness upon weirdness little Jesusshared more than his jailhouse Monacor. With me, his real name also justhappens to be made like me, I'm not someone who believes in signs or cosmicmessages or whatever, but it's not lost on me, how cool the whole thing is andt's it's been really nice playing out again. You know creating with likeminded people, some organized noise and feeling fulfilled artistically for thefirst time in years it's been really cool man. You know like it's in it'sinteresting, how it all turned out, but you know what thofuck that fuck all Othat meoh Yeah Fuck, that o n fucking devil's advocate here. But no,you know one thing you mentioned in the beginning. There was maybe you shouldtry Halosan agenics Yep, and to that I say no, no one ever try tripping yourballs off, because whenever I think of those whether it was Um Lsd, rememberone time we tried this stuff was it called Seliva, Alvia Salvia thank youand man that fucked me up like nobody's business. I still think of the scenefrom the Golden Child. Where H he sees hell, he's Hhe's his dear sweet brotherNumsi. He is clapping as fire burns around. U, my Swe Othat Fucin happen tome that shit really happened to me. Like Iexperienced that that's no, I do not recommend that for anybody well see. Ithink it all depends. I it depends on the person, but you you at least tried it. You, you musthave also had a few positive experiences. I know you and I did ourshare of tripping together and we did a lot of laughing. We did a lot of time.You know there are some good experiences and that's what I'm sayingI think I think people under the right circumstances can can do positivelywith that mind opening effect. But I I just again I take things too far. If,if IAD stopped at that point, who knows,...

...maybe I would have been that due tojust trips every day and ends up like being some waste away. That doesn't doanything but trip because I'm an addict, but the fact is, I went on to biggerand badter things and IYEAH. It ended up robbing me of potential, like I don't feelcomfortable talking like complimentary to my about myself, butpeople would tell me that, like you know, nat you're you're good at thismusic thing, you're you're, you're, talented, you're, you're somebody thatcould do something with this and instead I just got fucked up all thetime and yeah. I know I disappointed people in my band as well as everyonein my life, but you know that's something: Iv Gotto live with now andI'm just trying to like enjoy what I've got now, which is I play in a band withthese dudes. We have a lot of fun. I write music on my own. I talk aboutmusic here. We we do this podcast, I really enjoy it. I'm glad that you andI you know, are still doing something creatively together. I don't know I'mglad to have this sort O. second chance, albeit you know, twenty years later,but yeah some people don't get that theyreally don't. That's what I'm saying so so then I remember we we be playing aGIG and D, be like hey, where's, nate yeah. Oh, I think he's passed out inthe Shinter Yeah welldude. That's. I was specifically referring to that one.I mentioned how the drugs would make me miss gigs and things we you and I hadthis bands that you know we were lucky enough to play. Some really fun showsand the first one was like legendary. I still think about it like it w wereferenced it on another episode, where we were talking about how I was nakedon stage and we were doing all kinds of crazy shit and the second gig shouldhave been just as fun, but instead I was out of drugs. So I had to go meetmy dealer and I remember waiting for this little assholes to sell me dopeand I'm sitting in my car miles from the Gig and thinking I got to be onstage in ten minutes, he'd, better hurry and then thinking I got to be onstage in two minutes: I'm not going to make it and then thinking I should havebeen on stage five minutes ago, man, but this asshole's still not here, andI think I got there in time for us to go on stage for like five minutes. Butbut that's what I'm talking about. I was more concerned with like getting myfix and that's just par for the course. It's just what that drug does to youeventually again. Maybe it's not the the opious per se, but I remember notbeing able to do anything unless I was drinking and talking about music andwe'd have band practice and I just want to get fucking is cocked as humanlypossible before I even started doing something and it was like and it was acomplete mess, so you guys were like. Ah Well, you know We'e just Gong to dothe music and jam over here and Dave can comp with lyrics later and by thetime I was ready. I couldn't even speak right. Yeah you're, like I nee, I needto get drunk enough to play, but then it was a fine line before you were toodrunk to play. You know an yeah, so I had an uncle who was a guy who was inban whot, the eighties and stuff, and he saw US- and he mentioned to me- he'slike you guys are fucking up. Of course you never listen to your elders at thatpoint in time, but he was saying, like you think, you're rock stars, but youhaven't made it yet. You guys were all about getting fucking wasted andgetting girls and being cool mother fuckers, but that all comes in time.Righ focus on the music now, and I really wish in hindsight with many manythings, as you, even you know, talked about with your nates notes. It coul beapplied in every every area of life. We had done such a thing and focuse morekept their eye on the prize and less about the substances and beingfucking. You know the party guys and that's what it was because anotherthing I notice was at first it's fun right, everything's, fun, y 're, you'recool to hang around people want you at their party, because you tell goodjokes: You get fucked up and you're a funny dude you me or whoever we'retalking about, but then over time it it degrades into the point that nobodyfucking wants you around right: they don't they don't even want to be aroundyou anymore, because you're not funny anymore, you're, not cool, you don'tsay any interesting, quips anymore you're, just a mess you're Massoe Yep,it's like eit's par for the course. It's just what happens eventually, it'sfunny. I remember your uncle saying that, like I still think about thatthing that your uncle said about you know what are you guys doing, you'redoing it backwards, you're supposed o you're supposed to make the music andmake it first and then do the party in and if you WANTTA, if you want tooverdose and die later, go for it, but but wait till you're famous first, youknow wit some money in your pocket before you o Keel over yeah man, but hewas right, but you know in the grand scheme of things it's a positive way tolook at it. As you just said it now, you jam you do your band, you have yourpod Cast Yo don mean you have a lot of...

...fun doing this creatively and in manyways we're super lucky to be able to do such a thing, because we knew a lot ofpeople who didn't get that opportunity. Y Ow, Yo, 'r you're, absolutely right,though too many too many ofus have, you know, fallen by the wayside and diedtoo young. So yeah, I don't know that's. I think out of out of some negativesubject matter. That's a pretty positive way to rap things. Up is thatyou know yeah sotally. You have now because a lot of people don't have youknow even this yeah. I no it's true that you get told when you're a littlekid like enjoy, enjoy your vegetables, because some kids don't have theirBroccoli or something you're. Like O luck, you, what are you talking aboutBroccoli Suck, but in the end it's all pretty good, just be able to havesomething whatever it is man. You know roof over your head, a pot to Piss inor even a fucking podcast, or is an outlet to be able to speak your mind toa group of people, and I love Broccoli, so allright and to remind everybody ifyou ever want to reach out to us. I gave you the phone number earlierthat seven, seven four seven, Oh one, nineteen ninety three, which was agreat year and you Coald, follow us on to what selling out show or just sentus an email selling out show at gml com. I want to think each and every one ofyou for tune again. I appreciate the hell out of it virtual hoges, for allof you see you later Infirmary Media.

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