Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 45 · 1 year ago

Ep.#45 The Pain Game


Our esteemed co-host Nate makes his triumphant return to the show! It’s been about two months since we were all together, and we’ve got some catching up to do.
He discusses the events that kept him away, the health problems he’s been dealing with, and some of the places it’s all brought him. Nate met some interesting folks along the way, including a couple really odd roommates in rehab. Click play to hear the in-depth details about the road to recovery.

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This is no ordinary subshot. Thisis fire house ups. Tired of overpriced lunches that under deliver on flavor,head to firehouse ups, where, for a limited time, you can geta four hundred and ninety nine choice up. Choose from a medium smoke, Turkey, Virginia, honey, ham or roast beef. Their custom made hotsubs at a price ready made to make you smile. Just for four hundredand ninety nine only at firehouse ups. Enjoy more subs, save more lives. Participating locations plus tax, limit time offel. Prices May vary for deliveryinfirmary media. Welcome to those selling out show, your Bible. What itdoes is reaches into your brain chemically and no, cat your happiest memory chemicallyand then knocks on that emotion, releases it chemically and then it keeps yourhappy, happy, hello, hello, hello, and thank you for tuninginto the selling out show, where we screw up life at our leisure,for you're listening pleasure. I am one of your host, David Sholts,and by my side, yes indeed, my partner in crime, the man, the myth, the motherfucking legend, has returned from the dead. Everybody. I want to reintroduce you to Nathan Gors in Skame mate. How areyou, dude? I'm good, but I don't think I can live upto such a such an epic introduction there. Well, you damn well better try. Man, come on now, it's been so long since you've beenon your own show. It's been almost two months. I know, Iknow, I know, you're this close to having a rename the show,you know, just just for to make sense because I've been gone so long, and then he could rename it with my name once I came back.But it was almost like the listeners would be like, who the hell isnate at this point? You know, I was going to keep it likejourney, you know, we need to switch to lead singers, and youjust say, yeah, fuck, we keeping the name. We already getthe tshirts printed up. There you go, we're we're good and see, yeah, exactly, there you go. You know. So then, mayI gotta Tell You I am so happy to have you back, my pal, my buddy, I mean listen, you know, before we even getto any of the other stuff that we're going to discuss on the show,first things first. You were in some dire straits, my friend, andI think our audience would like to hear exactly what happened to you and whattook you away from us. Sure, man. Well again, this isfeels like ancient history at this point. Sure, it was a few monthsago, but I we were doing some episodes where I mentioned I had beenin pain. I've had some back pain and I actually had a little fall. So I attributed all my pain in my back to that fall. Butas it turns out, it was a little more than just that fall.The fall was just kind of what made the pain intensify. I'll explain.So I was going to my doctor with this back pain and he was sendingme to physical therapy and give me muscle relaxes and all these things, andfor about six weeks until one day after, like I said, after those sixweeks, he tells me, you know, I've noticed your weight hasdropped significantly, like within those six weeks. Something like twenty five pounds in sixweeks. Oh Yeah, she's smelt there, buddy dude. Honestly,I mean for some people that that sounds great. Could you know they'd wishthey could lose twenty five pounds and six weeks. But I'm thin as itis man, and I was, I was dangerously skeletal and you know,and I was just attributing it to the fact that I'm in so much painI didn't want to eat or I was really depressed. I was going througha lot because, dude, being in pain, in that kind of painfor that long does a lot to you mentally just being, you know,constantly having that pain and a man. And so, anyway, the doctorsays, you've lost all this weight. I'm going to send you for acat skin because I'm nervous you've got cancer or some shit. You know,you'll lose and weight like dangerously fast. Right. Absolutely, I go forthe cat skin. He, he, schedules it for like two days.Hence I go in and, Dude, within two hours, hour and ahalf, something like that, I get a phone call and it's my doctorand he goes they I just got your results for them, that cat skin, and get to an ear immediately. You've got this weird infection in yourspine and also your liver and spleen are enlarged, which could be because ofthe infection whatever. I'm still not clear...

...on that. Spoiler alert, youknow. But yeah, but that's crazy, macause again you're saying the doctor isfearful you have something worse than just the pain that you're attributing to afall, right. I mean, what's going through your mind at this istime to must be the absolute worst, like what do I have? Yeah, and then you get the call, get your ass to the fucking ere. Now it's like you do you shit your pants or what? Pretty much, man. I mean there was there was a part of me that felta little, to be honest, vindicated, because I've been well, honestly,I've been telling this doctor for six weeks that the pain feels worse thanjust like a pulled muscle, like I'd be telling him that and that Iit felt like it was something structural, like like in my frame, likeI felt like I could not physically hold up my my upper body, likemy whatever, my backbone, felt like it couldn't bear the weight anymore.And and as it turns out, there was a reason, because some bacteriawas eating it, like putting holes in my spine and in my my discand whatnot. Because, yeah, so basically that's what happened. I mean, yes, to answer your question, I was freaking out because I'm like, what does this mean? It's my spine right. Well, yeah,he's a shit. Yeah, thank God, thank God it's not a pulled muscle. Yeah, but Jeez, no, but to be honest, man,yeah, I was terrified because it's in your spine, you think canam I going to end up paralyzed? And I don't know, it's worstor yeah or whatever. And Yeah, so, so that's basically what happened. He sent me to an Er at the hospital. They admitted me fromthe ear to the actual hospital and they did the biopsy on my spinal infection, which was nasty. They're sticking needles into the infected area to pull outsamples and they had to send those in to get cultured. To get culturedwas I mean they went to school? Yeah, I guess. So learnedtheir manners. Yeah, had a whole a tea cup. Yeah, calledEmily Post, but no, that's they had to find out what kind ofbacteria it was. So they sent it out for all these tests and likethe results of my biopsy, that is they sent them out and it cameback as this nasty little bacteria called Seratia. It's this weird whatever. Some kindof sounds like water. Really people? Yeah, right, you put itup. Yeah, Saracha. Yeah, yeah, I think I sprinkling onyour Tacho. Yeah, I had serratio flavored chips. Maybe that's howI got infected. Maybe could be it. But anyway, the ship came back, so they knew what they had to give me for a treatment.It ended up being a six week round of antibiotics, and they had todo them not just IV like in my vein, but they put in what'scalled a pickline, and that's basically, dude, they take a this liketubing and they put it into your arm, into the big artery in your arm, or the vein rather in your arm, and they fish it downlike a rotor router, all the way from your bicep in down into yourchest and it dips it like right above your heart, like it's like dippinginto the top of your heart, which is really messed up. Yeah,I had this tube like in my fucking heart and they would give me everylike eight hours for six weeks they were giving me this treatment of antibiotics throughthis tube and it was just like you had dripping into my heart. Sothat's basically what I went through. I was there for those six weeks.They well, they sent me from the hospital to like a rehab they callit, or you know, it was basically, dude, that I wasa nursing home. And again, that's something that I can get into anothertime or later, but I was on that later. Dude. I wasin a nursing home. Yeah, for for six weeks and a lot ofHot Babes. They're right, dude. It is as much out of thesilver cotton candy that you can eat. I love it flash my teeth withthat shit. All Right, see that least you kept your your good spirits, even though you had a tube and you're fucking heart. Yeah, man, I was getting it directly to the source. Did you know when,speaking of that pickline, they were saying when they put it in because ofmy history? Because obviously, you go to the hospital, everyone knows yourhistory and they are they ask you questions about it, and I'm up frontwith them about like you know, I have the history with opiate use andeverything, which I had to do. I mean, dude, I'm goingin the I'm going in the hospital and I've got all this pain and whenI first get to the ear, like when my doctor first told me togo there. By that point the pain was so excruciating that I was tellingthe doctors like look, I do have history of Orope. It's I know, you know, you know this or whatever. You can tell in myrecords, but you know, I'm in a lot of paint. They go, look, we're not even concerned about your history with opiates like this.We know you're going through so much pain, dude. They were giving me Ivydelotted, which is like basically heroin.

You know, every two hours theywere dosing me with this shit and it was enough where it distracted mefrom the pain, but it really didn't. You know, it didn't really alleviatethe pain so much as it just makes you not care because you feelso happy. You know it's right, yeah, but yeah, man,but it was like being on dope, you know, it was. Itwas bizarre and I've since come off of that. They've dropped me down toother pain killers and whatever. It's weird. From It was a whole weird thing. Muscle relaxers and physical therapy to de lauded overnight, dude, honestto God. And again it was one of these where I'm like, inmy mind I'm almost like thank God, I'm no, I'm not crazy dude, because I I was like maybe I'm just being a bitch about this pain, but I feels really painful and my doctor seems to think that I'm beinga rational and that all I need is physical therapy and I'll be getting musclerelax it's like he didn't want to get he didn't want to give me liketrauma doll or like, you know, really strong I'd be profin and andShit. The muscle relaxers my doctor was giving me were like weak muscle relaxers. They weren't even I was asking, Oh, like you know, whatare you going to prescribe like a flexorile or something? And know he wasgiving me like the week was because he's afraid to give me anything. Butthat's any state of pain management nowadays in the United States of America, wherethe OPIOID crisis, it's going to sound weird, but it's ruined it foreverybody else. Like if you were in legitimate pain or suffering, it doesn'tmatter because doctors are worried that you're the guy who's showing up faking or feigninga problem just to get HAH and they don't want to be the one whowrote the script that someone odied on or whatever. And you know, thisis exactly I'm going to compare it to something that probably makes no sense toanyone else but me, but it's almost like drinking at the beach. Right, when I was a kid, everybody rank in the beach, everybody's parentscould drink at the beach, but then one day some cock suckers started afight with some other guy and he was drunk. So that's the reason whythey started this braw on the beach. Well, guess what? Now Boozeis band, no more, no more partying on the sand, and itfucking screwed everything up. And the same thing happens here where it just tooka couple bad seeds to ruin it for everybody. Right. Yeah, andI know there's a terrible comparison, because addiction is a snorious thing. Weknow it. You know firsthand. Did we can joke, man whatever.Yeah, but you know, with you you get my point. You getmy point wherein it's like people suffer all the time and they cannot get whatthey need and it's aggravating in these doctors become fucking pussies. Man, seetiptoe around the real fucking problem because even if they know what it is,they don't want to get in trouble. So, you know, is thatreally doing no harm? I don't fucking think so. That's causing more harm. But anyway, my rent is now over. Exact back to you,my friends, be hospitalized. They put you in. I'm sure you're kindof bummed about that, knowing that you're going to be locked up somewhere.For we're not locked up, but you know, put away for six,six weeks even put away sound as bad, but you speak, dude. It'sfunny you say that because carly, my girlfriend, kept saying how shefelt bad when she'd come visit because I must be so bored just laying inthis bed and looking at the walls or whatever. But honestly, God man, with my history of, you know, being locked up and having done timeand solitary confinement and whatnot and literally just having to look at the wallsfor days and days on end, I felt fine in there because I hadnot just books and people coming to visit me and whatnot. But Dude,we live in the age of the Internet and cell phones and ipads where Icould literally watch any movie I wanted at any time. So I was Iwas fine, I kept saying, if it weren't for the crippling back pain, this would be a pretty awesome vacation, man, because, you know,I had helped, you know, with anything I need. Food wasbeing brought to me and and yeah, I didn't really want for anything,and they were dosing me with narcotics every couple hours. So I was mellowand between me, you and our listeners, I had a constant supply of ediblethhc products with me. So you know the medicinal effects of those andthe distracting intoxicating effects as well, obviously. But but honestly, dude, themedicinal effects I almost felt more strongly than the opiates they were giving me, like I felt like I got more relief from eating edibles or using CBDChinctures, for example, and THHC, CBD, like all the cannabis productsin general, we're helping me almost more then the opiates are giving me.So there's my little, you know, plug testimonial on that. Yeah,exactly, but but so, dude,...

I wasn't really hurting much as faras being lonely or bored. And Dude, I make friends pretty easily. Sothe nurses, the staff, my roommates, whatnot. I was,you know, I was never lonely. Like in jail you might get putin a cell with some sociopathic, you know, Weirdo, and at leastin the hospital they kind of you know, they they tend to move those peopleout. If there's somebody that's, you know, dangerous or whatnot,chances are you're not going to be put in with them, right to tellyou, like, yes, guy out of here. But you know,roommates is interesting because when I would talk to you on the phone, yeah, there was a guy kind of butting in on our conversation, but notnot intentionally, right. So talk a little bit about that and talk aboutthe people that you had in a room with during your recovery. All right. Well, so, once I got to the nursing home, this iswhat you're referring to, I had a room with with two gentlemen and mentioninglike I did, that it was a nursing home, these guys were mucholder than me. They were there for more permanent reasons. You know,I was there getting six weeks of antibiotics. These guys were probably going to diethere. Like they were older gentlemen that it seems like they didn't havefamily, you know, coming to or at least not coming to visit them. But the gentleman you're referring to was one of my roommates. His namewas Richard, and Richard had an issue where he would just kind of Iknow, I would think he was on the phone. You know, we'reall separated by curtains in the room. You could like slide the curtains.It's a hospital room, right, so you can, you know, slidethe curtains for some privacy. So I didn't really see the guys next tome so much as I could hear them, and that guy, I'd always thinkhe was on the phone because he was having one side of a conversationwith someone. But I found out after a while that now there was nophone, like this guy was having conversations and it sounded like he was talkingto like a social work or sometimes or like like he was calling a placehe had just been trying to get his clothes back or, you know,that he had left at some other facility, like he was having real conversations,but it's just eventually I found out that he wasn't having them with anyone. So sound dude it, but it was non stop and like always repeatingShit and sometimes he'd cry, sometimes he'd be like and these like conversations wherehe'd be apologizing to someone and like it was awkward. It was like,you know, and I have sympathy for people with mental disorders, but when, you know, but I couldn't move, Dude, I couldn't get out ofthat bed. I was in so much pain and you know, I'mtrying to read or try and do whatever and literally all day, if thisdude was awake, he was talking, and so you'd have some relief overnightand you know, so if I wanted to turn on my night light andread for a while or whatever. But Dude, if if one person madea noise, like sometimes the staff would come into take my vitals in themiddle of the night or something and they make a little noise in that wouldwake Richard Up. And Dude, middle that I he just start talking,like as soon as his eyes opened. It was like he just start talkand it was comical. It would have been hilarious if I wasn't living withit day in and day out. So, yeah, he was a character.And and the other roommate was his name is Doug, and this guycouldn't move either. Like both of these gentlemen were, you know, ofthe age where staff would come in and have to clean them. They werewearing diapers and whatnot. So, you know, living in this nursing homewas a strange early preview of end of life care, like what I may. Yeah, dude, and it was really weird. It was really likethis, especially being on edible thhc products a lot. It was like you'dthink a lot about things and then you'd be like wow, like this couldbe what the end of life is like and I'm getting a glimpse of itnow. And but yeah, so, anyway, these guys were constantly,you know, either talking or the other jump. The irony was Richard wouldtalk non stop. Doug, my other roommate, had this injury from earlierin his life where his windpipe had been damaged and his voice box was actuallysevered. So when he would talk, it was very raspy, like hewould you'd have to strain to hear him and sometimes you'd have to repeat thingsbecause he sounded like he was trying to talk in a whisper, but loudly, like like a whisper yell, and it was yeah, so one oneroommate couldn't shut up and the other roommate you could barely hear him, especiallyover the other guy talking. And so yeah, it was a weird,weird group to be to be roomed in with. But Yeah, and O. and the other thing I just want... quickly mention is that being anursing home, there were memory problems and whatnot and whatever. So nobody,especially in my room, would call each other by the correct names. Soit was like, yeah, Doug would call Richard Robert Nonstop, Richard wouldcall Doug like John or Jeff. They both call me like Matthew or eventuallyDoug learned my name. But yeah, so it was this weird sort oflike alternate reality where I'm like, am I crazy? Do I have theirnames wrong, or like WHO's on first? But what we oh, you conversatingabout that? You need to say each other's names. Well, Imean you know me, and me and doug got to know each other prettywell. You know, he was the Guy Right next to me I waslike in the room closest to the door, like when you come in, Dougwas in the middle and Richard was all the way over by the window, like all the way in the room. And Doug and I became pretty fastfriends because he was on a lot of pain meds too, so we'dalways be like comparing pain meds, joking around and like talking about how,you know, I don't know. We both had a lot of experience withthings like that, so we joke around about that or burn. You bondedover it. Shure. Yeah, being high as a kite, dude,honestly, in occasionally I'd give him some of my edibles. You know,I'm putting myself out there on this podcast, but you know, I gave theelderly gentleman who is probably dying in this hospital some some relief here andthere. And please don't sue you. Yeah, what you're saying. Ifthis guy is fucking dead right now because of whatever, it wasn't me andthe edibles. I swear sack look the other way. But yeah, man, but he was a good guy. We'd order Chinese food together. Theythey'd come and deliver Chinese food right up to our floora in our room andwe're we're two guys in Johnny's, stuck on Ivy Tubes and Shit, gettingChinese food and one it has paper. Yeah, exactly, man. Itwas a weird, weird life. WHO TIMS LASS? Who is a tipper? WHO's the one leaving the chunk of change saying thanks for the fucking PorkFried Rice? Was it you or dug? It would depend. So sometimes weboth pitch in. Sometimes I'd give him some edibles and he'd buy USChinese food. You know it was were you giving edibles to delivery guy likehere, you gotta thanks for coming there. Whatever your name is, when I'mgoing to screw up your name now. So it just take this and go. Yeah, no, it looked like the deliverymen, for the mostpart, had no trouble finding their own drugs. You right, if,by the looks of them, it'd be like, wait, who's going topay for this week? Can you go talk to that guy over the cornerof the room by the window? He'll hatle this one. Yeah, andthen he'd talk there. So they just wanted to get out of their startcrying, just be like, I'm sorry for come, I'm closer the lastfacility. He's like just give me twelve, fifty, asshole. You know,I do got to say one thing here is that you are being verypolitical. Yeah, and the way that you describe the situation now, becauseI do specifically recall when I talk to you on the phone, you werenot as pleased you're living situation. You were very agitated by the fact thatthis the one guy there, Richard, would not shut the fuck up.Yeah, to the ball where I even instructed you to antagonize him, maybemake him go crazy so he gets kicked off the fucking floor. Yeah,yeah, well, of course, I mean I could. There were timeswhereas tempted to just start answering him and like using some weird voice and whatnot. But but, dude, what honestly? Honestly, it's just when you're init, when you're living in it, and it's just constant and you're goingcrazy. Yeah, it's really easy to get pissed off and like butnow I'm a little more, you know, diplomatic in my assessing of that situation. You know, I'm living with a couple dudes that are that guy, it turned out was like homeless for or how God knows how long beforehe got there. So this was the best he'd had it in a longtime. So you know. So he probably had a lifetime of talking tohimself on the streets. You know. So. So I cut him someslack now, but when you're living in it, man, your you havea little less fucking patience, especially after like a week or two of justconstant talking. And eventually they did move Richard Out of my room and Ithink gave him more of a private rooms, but it was it was several weeksof me living with him. So yeah, I was a little trying, dude. I was fucking I was not happy with Richard. After while, there were people on the floor, like I had another friend, thisGuy Rob, who he you know, he was closer to my age andhe was there because he had a leg amputated and he was going through allthis, and that's a whole other story. But he had no patience for Richard. He would hear Richard Day in and day out, because you couldhear him down the hall right talking. If rob wasn't in a wheelchair withan amputated leg, he probably would have attacked, you know, Richard forjust he just would have gone crazy aft well, because rob had been therelonger than me and listening to it lot longer than me. I had itfull in my face, being in the... with the Guy, but robhad heard him from down the hall like for God knows how long before Igot there. But anyway, that's you know. I just want to knowwhat kind of voice would you have used to fuck with him like what you'vedone, like s gangster man. See, shut up of an air, Richard, I'm going to put some man ashes on you, man, orwould you talk like the Voice of God? What options would you have chosen?I think I would have probably gone for some creepy whisper, especially atnight in the dark, just been like Richard, Richard, kill yourself.Oh Shit, Oh shit, that bad window. Jump, roll, rollout, yeah, you can't, you can't fucking move. It's like yeah, Rock, you needed help washing his ass. Yeah, I mean,come on now, yeah, exactly, Geez, you would have needed hewould have been like ringing the bell of the nurse and asking them to openthe window and jump out. Can you throw me out this window, please, please to know me out this window. Did the staff? They're honestly probablywouldn't have minded doing that because our room, the three of us wereall stuck in bed like there were a lot of patients on the floor thatcould get up and get their own meds and do whatever, but if weneeded anything we had to ring for nurses and all three of us were constantly, you know, one of us always needed something and we were at thelast room all the way down the hall. So then the all the nurses andstaff got tired of US pretty quick. They'd come in with like impatient facesand everything, and they were great staff do but they were like youcould tell they were like done with us after a while. Walking down ahall. Yeah, like it's too much work, this walking shit. I'mwearing crocs, give me a fucking break. Oh my God, Dude. Well, you did mention you had some nice nurses. or I believe itwas in nurst into someone known you some books. Yeah, man, Imean I had a few staff members that I connected with a lot actually.I mean I was pretty close with this one guy. He was like aphysical therapy worker. He would do exercises with the patients and whatnot. Butthe guy saw me wearing a David Bowie shirt one day and he was like, Oh, so we struck up a conversation because he was a big fanof Bowie, you know, yeah, man, and he was as aknowledgeable like he was like a fan fan, you know, like not just somebodythat knew like ziggy star dust or something, you know that a lotof people know. Yeah, like this dude knew like all the periods ofBowie and all the different you know whatever. He was a nerd like us,you know, at Bowie, Bowie, a Bowie iight and and he wasalso a big Frank Zappa fan and captain beefear at all these you know, interesting artist from back in the day, and he was right, really intothat shit. But Anyway, so at one point he was like,Oh, I, you know, have a book you might be interested in, and he brought me a biography on David Bowie. That was really fuckingcool of them, you know, and absolutely yeah, man. And thenthis other worker, she was she was in the department that organized like activitiesfor the residence, you know, put together Bingo Knights and Shit, because, dude, there's not a lot to do in these you know, oldfolks home. They would the activities would be like Oh, we're watching castaway. We watch USS THE WAY with fucking Tom Hanks one night, or fuckingplay the WII, you know, the Nintendo. We they did sure bowling, and shit some of the crochet. was there any crocheting going on?I expect some booties in the mail. We've now reached the part of theprogram where I would like to thank the show's sponsors, because they provide somegreat products to us and, as a result, I get to give someawesome cupon codes to you. First Up, we have Northland Vapor Company, andthey can be found at Northland vaporcom. They are the makers of some trulyoutstanding e liquids for Vaping, and let me tell you something. Allof the liquids and juices are dike, tone and artificial sweetener free. 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...know what, we don't celebrate them, do we? We just pay him like Shit. Exactly, man.You know, here's to all the nurses and specifically the CNA's, the certifiednurse's AIDS and all that, like the those are the ones doing the realcleanups, like the nurses. You know, they give medication and they get yelledat a lot by the you know, the patients or whatever, but theAIDS were the ones that were doing all the cleaning shit and, youknow whatever. Just all that, like helping them wash up every day,and I'm just thinking, man, dream scenario. You would have been ina room with Larry Flint. HMM, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, here are, come over here, Harney, I need canyou insert this thing that to my butthole. Your wreath thraw my, your wraiththrows throbby. Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna hear that, shit'llanyway. I heard yeah, exactly. If you're gonna hear that anyway,it leaves you could be like, well, I'm next to Larry Flynt. This is going to be a very interesting stay for me because, Imean realistically, yeah, it's. And this is a weird dichotomy, Isuppose, is that you are a massive horror fan. We've talked about thisad nauseum on the show. You are the horror guy and you lived ahorror story, I mean kind of it was. It was a weird kindof psychological horror where I was like questioning my own sanity because I was aroundlike madness all day, interior eating you from the inside out. I mean, yes, prior to that day, if someone had questioned you, Hey, tomorrow you're going to be in a hospital. In a week from now, you're going to be in a room with the schizophrenic and a guy whowhose voice boxes damage, who shit themselves and tea's nurses about fucking rubbing theirfucking, you know, their schlongs. Here said, what are you crazy? I'm not spending Christmas like that. There's no way in hell and Thanksgivingand New Year's those that the fucking Trie effected there. I mean yeah,it's really quite the listen, I am glad that we are talking today.You have returned. Joys me to no end. Yeah, and I'm healingup. Yeah, but these this whole scenario is truly I mean from theoutside looking in, from my perspective, it does resemble a horrific thing.It's definitely not something that you'd buy a ticket for intentionally. Do know,it was. It was bad. It was. Yeah, it was.Like I said, the pain was just so bad, dude, and II was saying, like it hurt to just like change position in the bed, like forget and getting up out of bed, like I couldn't even likeif I was down too far, where my feet were hitting the bottom ofmy bed and I wanted to move up a little, like I couldn't evenlike scooch up on the bed, like it hurts so much. Cough orsomething. I can yeah, Oh, forget it. Oh, yeah,man, I know, Jeezuise, I must fucking terrible, but hey,you're on the men now, you are out, you are a free bird. Yeah, you feeling it? I'm doing okay, man. I meanI'm still at the point where I'm in bed a lot. So to justkind of say where my spine is at now. I guess the infection iscleared, like they gave me enough antibiotics where they said I don't have likemy blood levels look like it's okay, and if I start feeling any certainsymptoms, I got to call and go back, you know, right away. But it seems like I'm good, like the infections gone. But theother thing is that the infection did so much damage where I'm now basically missinga whole disc in between two of my vertebrae, and the vertebrae themselves havea lot of damage because they had the bone was eaten and it's it wascalled osteomyelitis. Is this infect are the condition I had where it's like whatever? It's like the bones all weakened and porous now and shit because of thisinfection. And but anyway, so the infection is gone, the the bacteriais all gone, and now that the disc is gone, I have towait for the two vertebrae to naturally like fuse together into one big bone anddo it naturally, like they're not going to open me up and do anything. They said it'll just happen naturally, like slowly, like a tree growingaround a fucking barbed wire fence like it just slowly happens now, but thattakes years. Well, I mean that does, but supposedly the spine shitcould only they said it could happen in a matter of like months, andwithin those months I'm in still a good amount of pain because now shit's allgrinding. I don't have that you know whatever it is cartilage disk in between, so they're grinding together and yeah, so there's still a lot of painbut you know, I'm still on some painkillers. I'm weening off those andI'm walking more and more because they say that the more I'm up and strengtheningthe muscles around the spine, the better...'ll feel because I'll be stronger,you know, the muscles will hold it up instead of just relying on thespine to do it. So anyway, so that's where I'm at. I'mtrying to like strengthen shit. I'm still I'm bill in bad a lot,but it's you know, I'm up more and more. I wear like aback brace. I've slowly moved from not being able to get out of bedto walking with a Walker, to walking with a cane to now I'm mostlywalking without anything and and I just you know, I keep saying I cando everything, but it just hurts when I do it. Like I canwalk up and downstairs, I can walk, but it just hurts a lot.So, yeah, it sucks, you know, but it is whatit is. I'm I'm I'm positive about it. And Yeah, so,I mean it's great because when all this first win down, you weren't positiveyou'd ever walk again. I mean is oh my God, there's a pointin time there when you're getting your diagnosis and you get the Saratcha eating youfrom the inside out that the doctors are like well, you may you maybe able to walk fine, you may recover, you may not. Youknow what I means. So your future was uncertain in a little bit cloudy. So to hear that you've taken these progressive steps from Walker to cane tojust now the back brace and unassisted performing tasks is a wonderful sign. HellYeah, man, I can't tell you how happy I am because, yeah, there was a period, there were some depressed nights, dude, whenwhen I remember when I got to the nursing home and they were like herewe we want to see how much self clean up you can do. Youknow, gave me like a bucket of water and some rags and said here, try to wash yourself up. And, Dude, I felt so helpless becauseI couldn't even like I could. I don't know I could. Icouldn't do any yeah, I couldn't even clean myself. So I was likeI like broke down. I was yeah, I was having a rough time.Dude. I was depressed and you can't help but feel like I maynever fucking walk again because I can't even move. I can't even like whitemy you know, I could barely wipe my own ass. That was theone thing I kept telling myself, like I am wiping my own ass,like I may need help getting to the bathroom and I may need help sittingdown, but I'm not letting someone else wipe my own ass. Like mydignity had not let me get to that point yet. But, you know, I had people in my room getting diapers changed, so I'm like it. You know, it becomes normalized after a while, but I still waslike no, I can, I can clean the shit out of my asswhole. Let me tell you, Mr Man, the whole concept of wipingyour ass is archaic anyway. I mean, I'm a bidday user the day.Yeah, but they didn't have one at the nurse and all. Thatwould have solved a lot of problems. You just turn a little KNOB andwho there you go, your you tushes. That's true. markling clean dude.Yes, we need to start some kind of like fundraiser or marketing campaignfor Bidays to like for nursing homes like. That's the new shouldn't have to doanything. That should just be a given. I don't understand how that'snot already. You know, yeah, institutionalized thing inside these places, places, because for me I don't understand and the concept of toilet paper anymore.I really don't. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me.It's such a it's like caveman stuff. We're talking about here, dude,you and all the Europeans, me and all the Europeans, and if Igo to a friend's house and I need to use the restroom, I lookat, go at, well, no, but day I can't stay. Hey, hey, you know, and that's just everybody thinks I'm crazy.Everybody. No, but still, what I'm saying is, if you hadlost the ability to wipe your ass. We yes, ways around it.I understand it was a big deal. That's true. Yeah, did youlearn anything from your neighbors, though? Now that you were at home,and I mean primarily when you wake up in the morning, do you evertell your girlfriend to flick your bonner? I was listen, I was doingthat before. I know, I was just he did. was just me. Shit, that was that was my game, long before I met fuckingsay. I just forgot his name now. Well, that was frank that wasa different was the roommate I got after Richard moved out. So,yeah, okay, all right, so that's frankie boy. Okay, Igot you. Yeah, listen, I met a lot of interesting characters andI know how to be a perfect without some old men telling me, butI just was amused by the facts of people with dementia like trying to getsome from people they had no idea who they were. Like they're probably justopening their eyes and somebody's wiping their taint and they're like Oh, Oh,while you're down there, you know, and it just soon as natural,especially when you first wake up first thing in the morning. You like lookwhat I got and yeah, you know, hello, they're Mr Winky pans.I can see your book now, like you'd write your version of theHobbit, from your days being institutionalized in prison to the Rehab Facility, befrom Coujo to Richard and back again, and you tell the stories of allthese crazy motherfuckers you have lived with in...

...these various, various places here now. They're all colorful, they're all very interesting and they're all fairly humorous.So that's yes, it's actually, I might more than the whole biday thingyou kind of thrown at me. The book deal, yeah, might bemore feasible. That's true, man, because you know, I could justwrite a book about all. I've lived a life of being forced to livewith people, you know, like most people pick their roommates or pick thisof that. I've the lifestyle I've lived. There's been a lot of like beingtold to I'm going to live with whether you like it or not,and you know. So you meet some characters in those situations. So I'msure, I'm sure I could write a book, or at least, youknow, have characters inspired by a lot of people like I have. Ihave no shortage of inspirations for characters. Yeah, you know, in Myfethe only flaw with that plan is nobody reads books anymore. To be likea long formed tweet, you like my roommates on thread. I have acollection of memes exactly, and this is amazing. So I know it's true. Everything he has is the true. Yes, I speak in Jiff.Yeah, if you well, that's that's up for debate. I still saygift, Gif. I like gift to yeah, I'm with you. Giftsounds like gift, like it's a pleasure. It's right, comes in a bodjiff. Jiff sounds like peanut butter. It does, which is the samething that nurses AIDS were cleaning out of your roommates cracks in the morningwhen they suggested playing with their are Fallick flubberies. They're whatever, but hey, you know now there's no shortage of smells, and that all my telldo you want to get into that? You really want to talk about Ireally don't know. I really don't. I will kind of want to forgetto thank God you were eating all those edibles and taking all those Oh myGod, the laudeds or everything else that you were on wouldn't believe it.Oh God, that delatted, Murphy and Oxycode, all of it, man. Yeah, that's so boy, you know. But you know, Imentioned this earlier. I probably said it a hundred times and I haven't evenrealized it. But I'm going to say it again, so maybe I amrealizing it. Did that make any sense? Probably not, and made a littlebit. Anyway, it's a joy to have you back to it's ajoy to be back, man, it's awesome, but we norm I wantto say, I want to say quickly, though, how I really appreciate tobyfilling in yes, because you guys did a great job. Like,you guys have some Awesome Chemistry and I think you guys, you know,you guys could have a career doing shows together, man, because I don'tknow, you guys did great and I appreciate it, toby, I appreciateyou, Dave, for holding down the Fort while I wasn't here. AndYeah, because you guys put out some great episodes while I was fucking gone. And Yeah, all I have to talk about is my depressing last twomonths. So I don't know, maybe I should be nervous that you guysare going to take over. No, no, no, no, no, change the name, like I said. No, I'm not going to dothat. I'm just fucking around. Toby was a trooper, toby scofieldof the secret transmission podcast. If you're like a first time listener and you'relike, what the fuck are they talking about? Toby filled in for thelast two months and he was an absolute superstar and I know he's listening.So yes, thank you, toby. But my whole thing about talking aboutthe the wonderful nest, the absolute great feeling to have you return, iswe didn't because we're so excited to talk again. Yes, we didn't planfor your regular segment. Right, which is right? No, I will, yes, and I want to go on. I'm sorry. Your Passionbeing music and a lot of people look forward to it, and I'm onlybringing this up because there might be somebody in the audience out there you say, Hey, great names back now, where's my fucking nates notes? Becauseit's always a very informative direct in depth look at different genres of music andwhat you're listening to. But that will indeed return. That's this time around. We you know, with your absence being so long, we really justwanted to kind of dive into what you've been up to and what happened toyou. That's right. That's right, man. I I am eager todelve back into music the way I mean, I believe me, with all thetime I've had land in a bed, I plenty of time to listen tonew things and whatnot. So I am excited to do that again.But yeah, man, I mean there was just so much to talk abouttoday and I just wanted to get back into the swing of recording. SoI'm glad we were able to do that and I hope our listeners are patientand will excuse me for being lazy and not writing a nates knows. Godknows, I had two months to fucking do it, but you were,you're a little preoccupied there. You know what I mean. It wasn't likepriority number one. It's health, right, help takes precedent overwriting a biopic aboutI don't know, but link posting rock into yeah, Norwegian blackened industrialdeath metal math. I was waiting for... to like totally roast me overthe coals for bringing up such a shitty band. Oh listen, you knowI hate link whinny two as much as the next guy. But you know, I thought, I I thought that was a joke. Yeah, itwas a joke. No, no, you're right, it was a joke, but I mean you went on where you like. It's always a goodsign when you have to say it was. Yeah, that's the worst. Butthe thing is you like Nordic Black Death Sludge Rock, and I'm likeblank, one hundred and eighty two. We, I think, are waytoo is doing black and industrial death man always that way. They're doing now. Yeah, that's their new thing. Okay, I heard Eminem I cameout with a new record. He did, and it's it's all right, allright, it's pretty good. Yeah, look, yeah, so, I'mYork. Right, he's get that fucking hole look going on now he'she does, but without the lazy eye. Thought that's I thought that's what itwas. Was a lazy I didn't. He have a Droopi I. Well, Tom You York. Well, yeah, I know, but EMINEMhad one of those. Now to like, does he really? I didn't evennotice. Maybe I haven't seen recent pictures getting I've heard the new album, but I did not see a picture. I don't. I know he dies. Is Beard yes, which is something that I gave up doing.So I'm kind of like hoarding it over Eminem, like you may be richand successful and you know whatever, I stopped dying my be I accepted myfate. Yeah, man, suck it, eminem. At least he stopped dyeinghis hair blonde. You know, it's like he's went natural Brown,although I'm sure he's got gray's. He's dying up there. But but Ijust mean he started as a blond. He started by dying, he said. Anyway, yeah, we're totally going on the rails here. See that. I was talking about bringing up music and this whole that was your natesnotes, guys. That was it. Congratulations, eminem. Looks like TomYork and he's old. That, yes, you get I do want to mentionto all the listeners out there, if you ever want to reach us, it is easy. You can find us on all your socials at sellingout show or shoot me an email selling out show at gmailcom. Nay,you have anything else you want to say before we wrap this bad get up, Huh man, I think I think I'm good for today, but Ijust want to say again how much I appreciate being back and I appreciate youguys doing awesome episodes while I was gone and I get I look forward todoing more. Right on. So right on, right motherfucking on. Well, virtual hugs for all of you, because I want to thank you allfor listening, your rock, your rule, I drule. Now let's get ourasses back to school. I am Dave. That is in fact nate, and this has been the selling out show here yes infirmary media. GirlScout Cookie Inspire flavors are now at Duncan. When the spirit of the girl ScoutsMeats Duncan coffee, it's easy to get a delicious cup of can do. Then Mint and coconut caramel flavors are here to help you tackle your day. 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