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Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 45 · 1 year ago

Ep.#45 The Pain Game

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Our esteemed co-host Nate makes his triumphant return to the show! It’s been about two months since we were all together, and we’ve got some catching up to do.
He discusses the events that kept him away, the health problems he’s been dealing with, and some of the places it’s all brought him. Nate met some interesting folks along the way, including a couple really odd roommates in rehab. Click play to hear the in-depth details about the road to recovery.

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This is no ordinary subshot. This isfirehouse ups, tired of over priced lunches that underdeliver on flavor head to firehouse ups, where for a limited time you can get afour ninety nine choice of choose from a medium smoke, Turkey, VirginiaHoneyham or roast beef. Their custom made hot subs and a price ready made tomake you smile just four. Ninety nine, only at firehouse sups enjoy more subs,save more lives, participating locations, plus tax. On the time of Erpreson EAI for dinnepermyediawelcome to the selling out showyoure I bely Owhat,it does is breeches an dew brain chenically, wo, Keac, Yo, happiesmemory, chanically in Oksoi, not emotion, reted, it chemically and Thapp Andlo, hello, hello, and thank you fortuning into the selling out show where we screw up life at our leisure. ForYour listening pleasure, I am one of your host David shels and by my side.Yes ime, my Marterin crime, the man, the me some bother, Wokinan er eteverybody. I want to rea introduceer to Nain, or are you dude, I'm good, but I don'tthink I can live up to such a such an epic introduction there. Will you damn?Well better, try man come on now. It's been so long ITC I've been on your ownshow. It's been almost two months. I know I know I know you're this close tohaving to rename the show. You know just just for to make sense, becauseI've been gone so long and then he could rename it with my name once Icame back, but it was almost like the listeners would be like who the hell isnate. At this point you know I was going to keep it like journey. You knowwe needd to switch to lead singers and you just say y now, Fuckn we keepingthe name. We alrey get the hangshirts printet up there, you go we're N, Wengingt, see excthere, you go, you know so man, I'm Gon, to tell you. I am sohappy to have you back my pal. My Buddy, I mean listen. You know before we evenget to any of the other stuff that we're going to discuss on the show.First things: First, you were in some dire straits. My friend and I think ouraudience would like to hear exactly what happened to you and what took youaway from US sereman. Well again, this is feels like ancient history at thispoint sure it it was a few months ago, but I we were doing some episodes.where I mentioned, I had been in pain, I've had some backpain and I I actuallyhad a little fall, so I attributed all my pain in my back to that fall, but asit turns out, it was a little more than just that fall. The fall was just kindof what made the pain intensify, I' I'llexplain. So I was going to my doctor with this backpain and he was sendingme to a physical therapy and Giv me muscle, relaxers, and all these thingsand for for about six weeks until one day after, like I said after those sixweeks, he tells me you know, I've noticed your weight has droppedsignificantly like within those six weeks, something like twenty five poundo six weeks, Ohy Ge, veltbare, Budy Dude. Honestly, I mean for some peoplethat that sounds great w. They wish they could lose twenty five pounds nsix weeks, but I'm thin as it is man, and I was I was dangerously skeletoland you know- and I was just attributing it to the fact that I'm inso much pain I didn't want to eat- or I I was really depressed- was goingthrough a law because dude being in pain in that kind of pain. For thatlong does a lot to you mentally. Just being you know, constantly having thatpain and a man, and so anyway the doctor says you've lost all this weight,I'm going to send you for a cat skin 'cause, I'm nervous. You've got canceror some you know you losing weight like dangerously Fa ats right absolutely. Igo for the catskin he he schedules it for like two days. Hence I go in anddude within two hours hour and a half something like that. I get a phone calland it's my doctor and he goes they. I just got your results: Fortin, that catskin and get to an e R immediately. You've got this weird infection in yourspine and also your liver and spleen ar Um enlarged, which could be because ofthe infection, whatever I'm still not...

...clear. On that spoiler alert, you know,but rigt yeah, but that's crazy man c again, you're saying the doctor is isfearful. You have something worse than just the pain that you're attributingto a fall. Bu I mean what's going through your mind, this is time too,must be the absolute worse like what do I have yeah, and then you get the callget your rash wit, the fucking Er. Now and like did you shit your pants orwhat pretty much man I mean therewas, there was a part of me that felt alittle to be honest vindicated because I'd been well honest. I've been telringthis doctor for six weeks that the pain feels worse than just like a poldMussle like I'd, be telling him that and that it felt like it was somethingstructural like like in my frame like I felt like. I could not physically holdup my my upper body, like my whatever my backbone felt like it couldn't bearthe weight anymore and and as it turns out, there was a reason. 'causesomebacteria was eating like putting holes in my spine and N, my my disk andwhatnot 'cause yeah. So basically that's what happened. I mean Yes toanswer. You question. I was freaking out 'cause, I'm like what does thismean it's my spine, Yo im right lyack he's had a shit ye h, thank God. ThankGod. It's not a pold muscle! No, but to be honest man yeah, I wasterrified 'cause, it's in your spine. You goin am I going to end up paralyzedand I I don't know it's the worse, Oryeah or whatever and yeah. So so that's basically whathappened he sent me to Anyr at the hospital they. They admitted me fromthe e R to the actual hospital and they did the biopsy on my spinal infection,which was nasty, they're sticking needles into the infected area to pullout samples and h they had to send those in to get cultured to getcultured Caus I mean they went to school yeah. I guess e learned theirmanners, Yeahon a Hola Tea Cup call emily post, but no that they hadto find out what kind of bacteria it was. So they sent it out for all thesetests and, like the result, tof my biopsy, that is, they sent them out andcame back as this nasty little bacteria called Seratia. It's this weird,whatever some kind of something watere, pepper, yeah right, you put it yeah,Saracha, yeah yeah. I think I sprinkle it on your Taco yeah. I had some racialflavored chips. O me, that's how I got infected, maybe could bea wait. Theship came back, so they knew what they had to give me for a treatment. Itended up being a six week round of antibiotics and they had to do them notjust IV like in my vein, but they put in what's called a pickline and that'sbasically dude. They take a this like tubing and they put it into your arminto the big artery in your arm or the vein rather in your arm, and they fishit down like a rotorouder all the way from your bicepe an down into yourchest and it dips it like right above your heart, like it's like dipping intothe the top of your heart, which is really messed up yeah. I had this tubelike in my fucking heart, and they would give me every like eight hoursfor six weeks. They were giving me this treatment of antibiotics through thistube and it was just like yea had drippitg into my heart. So that'sbasically what I went through. I was there for those six weeks they well.They sent me from the hospital too, like a Rehab, they call it or you knowit was basi to that was a nursing home and again that's something I can getinto another time or later aen't com to hit later dude. I was in a nursing homeyeah for for six weeks and lot of Hot Babes there right dude, itasits, muchaut EF, the silver cotton candy that you can eat. I love it lost my teeth with that Shaw. Right,see that at least you kept your your good spirits. Even though you had atube in your fucking heart yeah man, I was getting it directly to the source d.You know when speaking of that pick line, they were saying when they put itin because of my history, 'cause, obviously o going to the hospital.Everyone knows your history and they or they ask you, questions about it andI'm upfront with them about. Like you know, I have the history with opiateouse and everything which I had to do. I mean Yi'm going. I I'm going to thehospital and I've got all this pain and when I first get to the Er like when mydoctor first told me to go there by that point, the paint was soexcruciating that I was telling the doctors like look. I do have a historyof thobis. I know you know you know this or whatever you can tell on myrecords, but you know I'm in a lot of paint. They go. Look we're not evenconcerned about your history with opiates. Like this, we know you're,going through so much pain d. They were...

...giving me IV delatted, which is likebasically heroine. You know every two hours. They were dosing mewith thes, Shit and Um. It was enough where it distracted mefrom the pain, but it really didn't. You know it didn't really alleviate thepain so much as it just makes you not care 'cause. You feel so happy. Youknow yeah, but yeah man, but it was like being ondope. You know it was. Itwas bizarre and I've since come off of that. They've dropped me down to otherpain killers and whatever it's from t was a whole weird thing, but musclerelaxers and physical therapies, delatted overnight, dude honest to Godand again it was one of these where I'm like. In my mind, I'm almost like,thank God, I'm N, I'm not crazy, dude 'cause, I I was like, maybe I'm justbeing a bitch about this pain, but I feels really painful and my doctorseems to think that I'm being irrational and that all I need isphysical therapy and I'll bein muscle, relax. It's like he didn't want to get.He didn't want to give me like tram, adoll or, like you know, really strongI'd be Profan orshit. The muscle relaxers my doctor was giving me werelike weak muscle, relaxers they weren, I was asking like you know, are yougoing to prescribe like a Flexril or something? And no he was giving me likethe Weekwas 'cause, he's afraid to give me anything, but that ht had astate opain management nowadays in the United States of America, where the OPIWAIDcrisis, it's GOINGTO, sound weird, but it's ruined it for everybody else. Likeif you were in legitimate pain or suffering it doesn't matter, 'causedoctors are worried that you're, the guy who's showing up baking or feigninga problem just to get, and they don't want to be the one whowrote the script that someone od to eat on or whatever, and you know this isExac, I'm going to compare I to something that it probably makes nosense to anyone else, but me, but it's almost like drinking at the meech right.When I was a kid everybody racking, the beach everybody's parents could dhrinkat the beach. But then one day some cock sucker started a fight with someother guy and oh, he was drunk. So that's the reason why they started thisbrawl on the beach. Well, guess what now booze his band? No more, no morebut hardying on the sand and it fucking screwed everything up and the samething happens here where e just took a couple of bad seeds to ruin it foreverybody right Yep, and I know that se a terrible comparison, becauseaddiction is an arrase thing. We know it. You know first hand we can joke man,whatever you know with you, you at my point. You get my point where and it'slike people suffer all the time and they cannot get what they need and it'saggravating and these doctors become fucking pussies man, they tipto roundthe real fucking problem, because even if they know what it is, they don'twant to get in trouble. So you know. Is that really doing no harm? I don'tFuckin think so. That's causing more harm, but anyway my rent is nowoveratteck back to you, my friend in hospitalized. They put you in I'm sureyou're kind of bummed about that. Knowing that you're going to be lockedup somewhere for we're not locked up, but you know, put away for six sixweeks even put await sound s, bad, but you speak. Did it's funny? You say thatbecause Carley my girlfriend kept saying how she felt bad when she'd comevisit, 'cause they must be so bored just laying in this bed and looking at the walls or whatever buthonest a Godman with my history of you know, being locked up and having t donetime and solitary confinement and whatnot and literally just having tolook at the walls for days and days on end. I felt fine in there because I hadnot just books and people coming to visit me and whatnot, but to we live inthe age of the Internet and cellphones and ipads, where I could literallywatch any movie. I wanted at any time so I was, I was fine. I kept saying ifit weren't for the crippling backpain. This would be a pretty awesome vacationman 'cause, you know I had helped. You know with anything. Inewfood was being brought to me and and yeah. I didn't really want for anything,and they were dosing me with narcotics every couple of hours, so I was mellowand between me you and our listeners. I had a constant supply of edible thcproducts with me, so you know the medicinal effects of those and thedistracting intoxicating effects as well. Obviously, but but honestly, duethe medicinal effects, I almost felt more strongly than the opietes theywere giving me like. I felt like I got more relief from eating edibles orusing C bdjunctures, for example, and Um THC CBD, like all th, the cannibisproducts in general were helping me almost more than the Obios tare givingme so there's my little. You know plug testimonial on that yeah exactly butbut so dude I I wasn't really hurting...

...much as far as being lonely or boredand dude I make friends pretty easily so the nurses, the staff, my roommateswhatnot, I was you know I I I was never lonely like in jail y. You might get put in a cell with some sociopathic,you know Weirdo and at least in the hospital they kinda. You know they theytend to move those people out. If there's somebody, that's you know dangerous or whatnot chances are you'renot going to be put in with them. You anlike, let I out of here, but youknow roommates is interesting because when I would talk to you on the phoneUm, there was a guy kind of butting in on our conversation, but not notintentionally rigt. So talk a little bit about that talk about the peoplethat you had a room with during your recovery, all right. Well, so once Igot to the nursing home, this is what you're referring to. I had a room withwith two gentlemen, and mentioning like I did that it was a nursing home. Theseguys were much older than me Um. They were there for more permanent reasons. You know I was theregetting six weeks of antibiotics. These guys were probably going to die therelike they were older, gentlemen that it seemed like they didn't have family.You know coming or at least not coming to visit them Um, but the gentlemenyou're referring to was one of my roommates. His name was Richard andRichard had an issue where he would just Kinda. I would think he was on the phone. Youknow we're all separated by curtains in the room. You could like slide thecurtains, it's the hospital room right, so you can, you know, slide thecurtains for some privacy, so I didn't really see the guys next to me so muchas I could hear them and that guy I'd always think he was on the phone 'cause.He was having one side of a conversation with someone,but I found out after a while that now there was no phone like this. Guy washaving conversations and it sounded like he was talking to like a socialworker, sometimes or Li e like he was calling a place. He had just beentrying to get his clothes back or you know that he had left at some otherfacility like he was having real conversations, but it's just eventually fo that he wasn'thaving them with any self. Difboy was nonstop and, like always repeating Shiand sometimes he'd cry. Sometimes he'd be like in these like conversations where he'd beapologizing to someone and like it was awkward. It was like you know, and I Ihave sympathy for people with Mental Disorders Bor her when you know, but Icouldn't move duit. I I couldn't get out of that bed. I was in so much painand you know I'm trying to read or tryng to do whatever and literally allday. If this dude was awake, he was talking and so you'd have some reliefover night and Um. You know. So if I want to turn on my night light and readfor a while or whatever but dude, if, if one person made a noise like,sometimes the staff would come in to take my vitals in the middle of thenight or something and they make a little noise in that would wake RichardUp and dude Middle Ou know he'd just start talking like as soon as his eyesopened. It was like he just started again. It was comical it. It would havebeen hilarious if I wasn't living with it day in in day out so yeah he was acharacter and uh and the other roommate was his name was Doug and this guycouldn't move either. Like both of these gentlemen, were you know of theage where staff would come in and have to clean them? They were wearingdiapers and whatnot. So you know living in this nursing home was a strangeearly preview of end of life care like what I may yadded and Um. It was really weird. It was really likethis especially being on edible th C products, a lot. It was like you'dthink a lot about things and then you'd be like wow like this could be what theend of life is like and I'm getting a glimpse of it now and but yeah. Soanyway, these guys were constantly h. You know either talking or the otherjump. The irony was Richard would talk non stop Du. My other roommate had thisinjury from earlier in his life, where his winpipe had been damaged and hisvoicebox was actually severed. So when he would talk, it was very raspy likehe would. You'd have to strain to hear him, and sometimes he'd have to repeatthings 'cause. He sounded like he was trying to talk in a whisper but loudlylike like a whisper yell and Um. It was yeah, so one one roommate couldn't shutup and the other roommate. You could barely hear him, especially over theother guy talking and so yeah. It was a weird, a weird groupto be to be roomed in with, but h, yeah and Oh, and the other thing I justwant to quickly mention is that being a...

...nursing home there were memory problemsand whatnot and whatever so. Nobody, especially in my room, would call eachother by the correct names, so it was like Yeah Dugwood call Richard RobertNonstop. Richard would call dug like John or Jeff. They both call me likeMatthew or eventually Doug learned, my name but yeah. So it was this weirdsort o like alternate reality. where I'm like. Am I crazy? Do I have theirnames wrongnther alone, who's on first, but wwo o your conversating about thatyou need to say each other's names. Well, I mean you know me and me and dug,got to know each other pretty. Well. You know he was the Guy Right. Next tome, I was like in the room closest to the door like when he come in, dug wasin the middle and Richard was all the way over by the the window, like allthe way in the room and dug, and I became pretty fast friends 'cause. Hewas on a lot of painmeds too so he'd always be like comparing painbedsjoking around and like talking about how you know I D N' e. We both had alot of experience with things like that, so we' joke around about that or you bondit over it sh being high as akite dude honestly in occas I'd give him some of my edibles. You know andput myself out there on this pod cast, but you know I gave the elderlygentleman who was probably dying in this hospital, some some relief hereand there and Heus don't sue you hat you're, saying if this guy isfucking dead right now because of whatever it wasn't me an the aibles. Iswear bact, look the other wayc but yeah man, but he's a good guy. We' We'dorder Chinese food together they they'd, come and deliver Chinese food right upto our floor in our room and we'rewe're, two guys an Johnni's stuck on IV tubesand Shit, getting Chinese food and one aper yeah exactly man. It was a weird H,weird life who tams t last WHO's, t e tipper who's, the one leaving the h thechunk of change. Saing thanks for the fucking POK fried rice, was it Uwer ordug it would depend so sometimes we both pitch in sometimes I'd, give himsome edibles and he'd buy US strany food. You know it was. Were you givingannimals to the delivery guy like here? You got thanks for coming there,whatever your name is when I'm going to screw up your name now. So just takethis and go yeah, it looked like the deliverymen, for the most part had notrouble finding their own drugs. Yo knoby. The looks of them 'd be like Waiwho's going to pay for this week. Can you go t talk to that guy over in thecorner of the room by the window? He'll he'll handle this one yeah and thenhe'd talk the so they just wanted to get out on. They start crying USTbeling I'm so I FIU CTHE last facility s like Jge M. Fifty Asshole, you know Iyo Ginto say one thing here is that you are being very political, an the waythat you described the situation now, because I do pecifically recall when Italk you on the phone. You were not as pleased on your living situation. Youwere very agitated by the fact that this, the one guy there Richard wouldnot shut the fuck up yeah to the blow where I even instructed you toantagonize him, maybe make him go crazy, so he gets kicked off the fucking floor,yeah yeah. Well, of course I mean I there were times where US tempted tojust start answering him and like using some weird voice and whatnot, but butdudew, honestly, honestly, it's just when you're in itwhen you're living in it and it's just constant and you're going crazy yeah,it's real easy to get pissed off and like, but now I'm a little more. Youknow diplomatic in my assessing of that situation. You know I'm living with acouple dudes that that guy it turned out was like homeless, for how Godknows how long before he got there. So this was the best he'd. Had I in a longtime. So you know so he probably had a lifetime of talking to himself on thestreets. You know so so I cut him subslack now, but when you're living init man you're, you have a little less fuck in patience, especially after likea week or two of just constant talking and eventually they did move RichardOut of my room and, I think, gave him more of a private room, but it was. Itwas several weeks of me living with him so yeah it was a little trying dude Iwas fucking. I was not happy with Richard. After a while, there werepeople on the floor, like I had another friend this guy rob who H he. You knowhe was closer to my age and he was there because he had a leg amputatedand he was going through all this and that's a whole other story, but he hadno patience for Richard. He would hear Richard Day in and day out, 'cause. Youcould hear him down the hall rying Hockin. If rob wasn't in a wheelchair,with an ampitated leg, he probably would have attacked you know Richard,for just he just would have gone crazy, AF. Well, 'cause rob had been therelonger than me and listening to it a lot longer than me, I had it full in myface being in the room with the Guy,...

...but rob had hurt him from down the halllike, for God knows how long before I got there, but anyway, that's you. Ijust want to know what kind of voice would you have used to fuck with himlike when you've done, like nineteen thirties gangster see shut up overthere Richard I'm going to put some a washes on you mar M. would you talklike the Voice of God? What options would you have chosen? I think I wouldhave probably gone for some creepy whisper, especially at night in thedark. Just like Richard richkillyorssh Shita weow UMP, roll roll out yeah, a you can't Fuat home, its like yeah wo, help Washin O ask h ant, come on now yeah exactlyJeez. He would have needed. He would have been like bringing the bell forthe nurse and asking them to open the window. Eome jump off. You throw me outo this window. Please hes! Please t me out this window. Did the staff there honestly probablywouldn't have minded doing that because our room, the three of us, were allstuck in bed like there were a lot of patients on the floor that could get upand get their own meds and do whatever. But if we needed anything, we had toring for nurses and all three of us were constantly. You know one of usalways needed something and we were at the last room, all the way down thehall. So the the all the nurses and staff got tired of us. Pretty quickthey'd come in with like impatient faces and everything, and they weregreat staff to do, but they were like you could tell they were like done withus. After a while walking down a hale like too much owork his Wa, an Shit,I'm wearing crocxs, give me a fuck and break. Oh my God. Well you didn'tmention you had some nice nurses or I believe it was a nursing. I someoneloan, you some books, yeah man, I I mean I had a few staff members that Iconnected with a lot. Actually I mean I was pretty close with this one guy whowas like a physical therapy worker. He would do exercises with the patientsand whatnot, but the guy saw me wearing a David bowy's shirt one day and he waslike. Oh so we struck up a conversation 'cause. He was a big Fan of BOI, Aon,Yeah N, and he was as knowledgeable like. He was like a fan fan. You knowlike not just somebody that knew like Zigi, startust or something. You knowthat alot of people would know. Yeah, like this dude knew like all theperiods of boy and all the different. You know whatever he he was anerd likeus. You know boy bowy, a boite and Um, and he was also a big frank, Zappa fanand captain bfar all these. You know interesting artist from back in the dayand he was right really into that shit but anyway. So at one point he was like.Oh I you know have a book you might be interested in and he brought me abiography on David boy that was really fucking cool of them. You know andabsolutely the men and then this other worker she was Um. She was in the department thatorganized like activities for the residents you know put together, Bingonights and Shit 'cause. There's not a lot to do in these. You Know Old,folks' home they would. The activities would be like over watching cast away.We watchd castaway with fucking Tom Hanks, one night or Fuckin play the wee.You know the Nintendo wee the dazure bowling and shits oall. The Roche wasthere any crocheting going on. I expect some booties in the mail. We now reached the part of the programwhere I would like to thank the shows sponsors because they provide somegreat products to us and, as a result, I get to give some awesome coupon codesto you. First Up, we have Northland Vapor Company and they can be found atnorthand vapor docom. They are the makers of some truly outstanding eliquids or Vaping, and let me tell you something all ofthe e liquids andjuices are diketone and artificial sweetener free and you may be askingyourself. Why is this important? And what are you telling me this for wellin this day and age, where everybody's concerned about what you're puttinginto your bodies it's nice to know that Northlan cares about telling you whattheyare, putting in their product plus their motto is: Quality doesn't need tobe costly, so they're not going to rake you over the coals or rob your walletjust because you choose a healthier lifestyle evaping over smoking, and ifyou visit North and Vapor Dotcom, you can save nineteen percent off yourentire order by using codes selling out nineteen next step. We have spunk Loub.Oh boy, how I love me some smok makers of award winning Lubricans, I know someof you out there might be a little timid, might be a little bit shy andthink. Oh, I don't know if I want to use those, I don't even know if I wantto order those well first, let me tell you: the shipping process is incrediblydiscreet, you're, not getting a big package in the mail. Thete screams, hey,I'm buying lub. Second, you know what love life can get a little bit stale.You me is spicin it up and the best way...

...to do that is with sponk. Why all theprofessionals in the adult film industry have all the fun where you canbring spunk right into your home. Trust to me: TRY IT GO TO SPONKLUB DOT comtoday, and you can thank me later. Last but not least, we have alpine hemp. TheC bd Revolution has arrived. If you haven't heard about C bd, yet you'retruly missing out, as it can really help you with stress sleep issues, painproblems, you name, it there's a whole littny of things. That CBD is there tohelp you with I'm an avid user of CBD Myself, and let me tell Ya Alpine hampOCOM has everything you could possibly need from oils to tinctures to gummiesto edibles, you name it. They even have pe friendly products, theres no betterplace to go, and it is truly a one stop shop. Plus the website is easy tonavigate whether you new to trying CBD or you like me, have been using it forquite a long time. You were going to love Alpine hemp and now's a time totry it, because if you go to Alpineham DOT COM and use codes selling outnineteen, you save nineteen percent off your entire order. Author already lowprices. So what are you waiting for get on over there and remember when youshop with our partners, you help support the show, and for that I thankyou. It was a weird sort of pause on myexistence where it's like. No, you know you're pausing, your normal life, andthis is your life for these like two months and everything's. Weird- and youknow it's fucking you're- on a lot of meds, so it's all very surreal like Iwas just lay in bed and take a fucking bunch of medication. I would alwaysjoke I'd, be, like you know, I feel, like I've been spending the last couplemonths, what most people would consider too high like? I was just like on all these etiblesand then they're like giving me all these tucken painkillers trying to killthe pain in my back and honestly it. You know the pain was so bad. It waslike not you know, not really helping thepain so much as it was just distracting me butter right but evan like I said.If it wasn't for all the back pain, it would have been a pretty fucking radlittle H, you know far out little shindig could be like a winter vacationinstead of like a summer campen and just the winter vacation at an oldfolks, home with a yeah and now you've been out for a couple of weeks, so youhaven't driven by the place. Have you no manr Richard UST hanging out thewindow right now when you need someone to to save 'em from falling and you'renowhere to be found? And it's all your fault, you know you guys should havespeaking about having fun in there. Someone should have painted his face uplike Latin saying a gon with the whole Howi thing, because he just e fucking,muttering to himself and Y. You know I into a character H, exactly just painthem up like a fucking circus clown. Who knows whatever you know to get yourjollies, which sounds sounds terrible, 'cause again, you' right continue tomake fun of the mentally ill, and I just can't stop myself so yeah it'Sve, like I said it's surreal, it'sfucking, weird the people it. It is funny d. You have to laugh at s, youknow what I mean like. I know, I'm being a little, you know probablycensoring myself a little just 'cause. You know I don't know. I I've gotpatience more patience for some of that Shit, having lived with it, but at thesame time I've got a good sense of humor about a lote out too, because youknow some of these duds did it's fucking Hilarious, like I said myroommates would have to be cleaned up. You know so first thing in the morningthese duds are geing to sleep all night and they probably shit or piss theirdiapers and and the staff guns in and they're like changeof the diapers, andI hear the guy, you know an or two over saying you know look out.I I got an Irection over here unless you want to help me with that, and it'slike you realize how many dirty you'll have been the like. Oh Yeah, you know eFo, like y a hers, a peanut on a baby got so much patience for, for, likemedical staff too, like I kn my girlfriend's been visiting hospicenurse or in R N she's, N, Ren and she's been for a long time and being in thislike place. I'm like Holy Shit like the ship De, would have to deal with andlike because would people have damensia and they don't have like that? Filterlike notashy, an old man like 'cause men can be dirty bad S. Yorn God do youwant to flick? It come Fi Bonou like I. I think my balls need a little extrawashing today, like I'd, hear all this crazy shit and I'm like thes. Thesefucking staff members have to like look at old balls all day and like wipe shitoff of old scrotums all day. I'm like this is rough man. These people, thesepeople are heroes. teyjurreally are you...

...know what we don't celebrate them? Dowe we just pay 'em like sh, exactly man, you know, here's to all the nurses andspecifically the CNAS, the certified nurses, AIDS and all that, like thoseare the ones doing the real, clean ups. Like the nurses, you know they theygive medication and they get yelled at a lot by the you know, the patients orwhatever, but the AIDS were the ones that were doing all the cleaning shitand you know whatever, just all that, like helping hem wash up every day andI'm just thinking a a dream, O scenario, you would have been in a room withLarry Flint Ayou know what I mean yeah her come over here, Honycan, youinstert this pling it to my butty, you RT myrethrows Thob, I mean if you canshoow anw her you'Reginto, get that anyway at least you coald be like wellI' next to Lary Flint. This is going to be a very interesting herday tacause Imean realistically it's. This is a weird dycotomy. Isuppose is that you are a massive horror fan. We've talked about Thi AdNausium I'll, show you ar the horror guy, and you lived a horror story. I mean Kinda, it was. It was a weirdkind of psychological horror where I was like questioning my own sanity'cause. I was around like madness all day and Sera, hitting you from theinside out. I mean yes frirtoen. Okay, if someone had questioned you heytomorrow, you're going to be in a hospital and a week from now you'regoing to be in a room in the schizophrenic and a guy o whose voiceboxis damage so shit themselves and tease nurses about fucking rubbingthere fucking, you know theyre schlongs Sid. What are you crazy? I'm notspending Christmas like that, there's no way in hell and Thanksgiving and newYaing a fucking tryfactor there I mean it's really quite the listen. I am gladthat weare talking Tonat, you have returned njoys me to no end yeah andI'm heeling up yeah, but e Walka. This whole scenariois is truly, I mean fromthe outside. Looking in from my perspective, it does resemble a horrific thing. Is, is definitely noth, something that you'd buy a ticket for intentionally no DNO it was. It wasbad. It was yeah. It was like. I said, the pain was just so bad dude and Um. II was saying like it herd to just like change position in the bedlike forget getting up out of bet like I couldn't even like. If I was down toofar where my feet were hitting the bottom of my bed and I wanted to moveup a little like. I couldn't even like scooch up on the GA like a hurt, sordmy cough or something I can owo forget it. Oh yeah man, I know Jeez, we temMus e fucking terrible, but he you're on the men. Now you are out, you are afree bird yeah re, you feeling it I'm doing. Oka Man, I mean I'm still atthe point where I'm in bed a lot so to just kind of say where my spine is atnow. I guess the infection is clear like theygave me enough antibiotics where they said. I don't have like my blood levels.Look like it's! Okay and if I start feeling any certain symptoms, I got tacall and go back. You know right away, but it seems like I'm good, like theinfection's gone, but the other thing is that the infection did so muchdamage where I'm now, basically missing a whole disk in between two of myvertebre and the Verte Bra themselves have a lot of damage because they thebone was eaten and it was called osteomilitis. Is this infact or thecondition I had, whereas like whatever it's like the bones, all weakened andporous now and shit because of this infection and Um? But anyway, so theinfection is gone. T E, the bectere, is all gone, and now that the the disc isgone, I have to wait for the two vertebrae to naturally like fusetogether into one big bone, and do it naturally like they're not going toopen me up and do anything they said. It'll just happen, naturally likeslowly like a tree growing around a fucking barbed wire fence like it justslowly happens now, but that takes years. Well I mean that does, butsupposedly the spine shit could only. They said it could happen in a matterof like months and within those months. I'm in still agood amount of pain, 'cause now shit's all grinding. I don't have that. Youknow whatever it is cartilage disk in between so they're grinding togetherand yes, so there's still a lot of pain. But you know I'm still on somepainkillers, I'm weening off those and I'm walking more and more 'cause. Theysay that the more I'm up and strengthening the muscles around thespine, the better it'll, feel 'cause...

I'll be stronger. You know the muscleswill hold it instead of just relying on the spine to do it so anyway. So that'swhere I'm at I'm trying to like strength and Shit, I'm sill, I'm stillin bed a lot, but it's you know, I'm up more and more. I wear like a backbrace.I've slowly moved from not being able to get out of bed to walking with aWalker to walking with a cane to now I'm mostly walking without anything and-and I just you know- I keep saying I can do everything, but it just hurts.When I do it like, I can walk up and downstairs. I can walk, but it justhurts a lot. So yeah it sucks, you know, but it is what it is M. I'm I'm positive about it and h yeah.So I mean it's great because when all this first went down you weren'tpositive you'd ever walk again I mean this. Oh my God a point in time therewhen you're, getting your diagnosis and you get the Seracha Ong you from the inside out tha thedoors are like well, you may you may be able to walk fine, you may recover youmay not! You know what I mean, so your your future was uncertain and a littlebit cloudy so to hear that you've taken these progressive steps, Om Walker tocane to just now the backbrace and unassisted performing tasks is a awonderful sign. Hella man, I can't tell you how happy I am 'cause yeah. Therewas a period. There was some depressed night stede when, when I remember whenI got to the nursing home and they were like here, we want to see how much selfclean up you can do. You know gave me like a bucket of water in some rags andsaid here. Try to wash yourself up and dude, I felt so helpless 'cause Icouldn't even like I C I don't know I could I couldn't do any O. I couldn'teven clean myself, so I was like I like broke down nd I was yeah. I was havinga rough time duit. I was depressed and you can't help but feel like. I maynever fucking walk again 'cause. I can't even move. I can't even likewhite. You know I could barely wipe my own ass. That was the one thing I kepttelling myself like. I am wiping my ass, like I may Yo help getting to thebathroom and I mayneed help sitting down, but I'm not letting someone elsewite. My own ass, like my dignity, had not let me get to that point yet, butyou know I had people in my room: Getting diapers changed so I'm like youknow it becomes normalized after a while, but I still was like no, I can.I can clean the shit out of my Ousehole Wel. Let me tell you Mer, Mann. Thewhole content of wiping your ass is arcaic. Anyway, I mean I'm a bioser,the DAYYEAH, but they didn't have one at the nursing. All that would havesolved a lot of problems just turn a little KNOB and woo there. You goyou're, U Tushes, that's true, carkling clean to yes, we need to start somekind of like fundraiser or marketing campaign for Bedays t t like fornursing homes like that's the we shouldn't have to do anything thatshould just be a GIV, and I don't understand how that's not already. Youknow yeah institutionalized thing inside these place places because forme I don't understand the concept of toilet paper anymore. I really don't. Iknow it doesn't make any sense to me. It's Su H. it's like caveman stuff,we're talking about here, Dudet you and all the European me and all theEuropeans. And if I go to a friend's house and I need to use t e restroom, Ilook and go out well no but day, I can't stay, Hey, Hey! You know andthat's everybody thinks I'm crazy, everybody! No! But still, what I'msaying is if you had lost the ability to wipe your ass, we yas ways around it.I understand it was a big deal. That's true yeah did you learn anything fromyour neighbors, though, now that you were at home- and I mean primarily whenyou wake up in the morning, do you ever tell your girlfriend to flick yourboner? I was listening. I was doing thatbefore I I was just Hei was just me Sht now that, with mygame, long before I met fucking, see, I just forgot his name now. Well,that was frank. That was a different guy. The roommate I got after Richardmoved out, so yeah o like Al Right, so Thatt, ranky boy, okay, I got YaYeahalisen. I I met a lot of interesting characters and I I know howto be a pervert without some old men telling me, but I just was amused bythe h, the facts of people with dimensio like trying to getsome from people. They had no idea who they were like theyre Probay, justopening their eyes and somebody's wiping their taint and they're like ooho while you're down there. You know and it's Aso natural, especially when youfirst wake up first thing in the morning, you're like Owa, look what Igot yeah Wellhello Theyre Mir winki pans. I can see your book now, like you'dwrite your version of the Hobbit from your days, El institutionalized inprison to the Rehab facility be from Kujo to Richard An nack again, and youtell the story of all the crazy mother...

...fuckers. You have lived with in theseveryi E H, various places here now: they're allcolorful they're, all very interesting and they're all fairly humorous. Sothat's thit's. Actually I might more than the whole day thing you kind ofThrowin at me. The the book deal Yeah Igt be more feasible. That's true man 'cause! You know Icould just write a book about all. I've lived the life of being forced to livewith people kN W, like most people, pick their roommates or pick this orthat I've the lifestyle I've lived. There's been a lot of like being toldwho I'm going to live with whether you like it or not, and you know so, youmeet some characters in those situations, so I'm sure I'm sure Icould write a book or at least uh you know have characters inspired by a lotof people like. I have ihave no shortage of inspirations for characters.Yeah you know, and my the only flaw with that plan is nobody reads. BooksAnymore. I ha like a long formed sweet, my roommates on thread. I have acollection of means exactly, and this is a mean. So I know it's trueeverything, as is the trueness. I speak in GI. Well, that's that's up fordebate. I still say Gif, L, a gift too I'm with you. Itsounds like gift like Ou, say pleasure. T T comes in a Bojif, jiff sounds likepeanut Bubdy Y. Ah, it does, which is the same thing. The nurses age werecleaning out of your roommate's cracks in the morning when they suggestedplaying with their her for Alic flubberies there. Whateverbut hey. You know nowthere's no shortage of smells in atAl. Do you want to get into that? Do you really want to Talk Oi? Really?Don't I really don't Kindo want to forget tank God. You were eating allthose enibles and taking all those h, oh my God, dolauted or everything elsethat you were on ret bl. Oh got back to loted Morphyn Oxicoda, all of it yeahthat Ol boy, you know, but you know I mentioned this earlier. I'e probablysaid it a hundred times and I haven't even realized it, but I'm going to sayit again, so maybe I am realizing it dod that make any sense, probably not alittle bit anyway. It's enjoy to have you back to it's a joy to be back man,it's awesome, but we ow, I wan to say. I want to say quickly, though, how Ireally appreciate toby filling in Ye, because you guys did a great job likeyou guys have some awesome chemistry, and I think you guys you know Y, youguys could have a career doing shows together. Man 'cause, I don't know youguys, do great and I appreciateid toby. I appreciate you Dave for holding downthe Fort. While I wasn't here and Um Yeah 'cause, you guys put out somegreat episodes. While I was furking gone and h yeah. All I have to talkabout is my depressing last two months so uh I don't know. I think I should benervous that you guys are going to take over no, no, no, no, no, no change! Noaviate, like I said. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm justfucking around toby was a trooper toby schofield of the secret transmissionpodcast. If you're like a first time listener and you're like what the fuckare, they talking about toby filled in for the last two months and he was anabsolute superstar and I know he's listening. So yes, thank you tome. Mymy whole thing about talking about the the wonderful nesty, absolute greatfeeling to have you return. is we didn't h because we were so excited toto talk again? We didn't plan for your regular segmentright, which is light. No. I will yes and I wan to go on- I'm sorry,you're, passion being music and a lot of people look forward to it and I'monly bringing this up because there might be somebody in the audience onthere. Hey great names back now, where's my fucking nats notes, becauseit's always a very informative direct indepth, look at different genres ofmusic, an what you're listening to, but that will indeed return. That's the asttime around. We, you know, with your absence being so long, you really justwanted to kind of dive into what you've been up to and what happened to you.That's right! That's right, man! I I I am eager to delv back into music. Theway I mean, I believe me with all the time I've had land in a bed, I'veplenty of time to listen to new things and whatnot. So I am excited to do thatagain, but yeah man, I mean there was just so much to talk about today and Ijust wanted to get back Ini, the swing of recording. So I'm glad we are ableto do that and I hope our listeners are patient and will excuse me for beinglazy and not writing a nates nose. God knows I had two months to fuck and do,but you were youwere a little preoccupied there. You know what I mean.It wasn't like a priority number one t s healthray help takes precedent,overrity biophic about! U I don't know thebowing composedly rotted, Ino, yeah...

Norwegian blackened industrial death,metal math cl was waiting for you to like totally roast me over the coal forbringing up such a shitty band. Listen. You know I hate Linuan to as much asthe next guy but uh. You know. I thought I thought that was the joke.Yeah. It was a joke. No No y you'R right. It was a joke, but I mean you went on w n you're like it's alwaysa good sign when you have to say iti notice, the worst, but the thing isyouere like Noric Black Dek, sludg rock. You know like blank one. Eighty two: weI wano a WHO is doing blacken industrial death alwas that whaythey're doing now, yeah, that's the new okay. I I heard Abin came out with anew record. He did and it's it's all right, all right. It's pretty good!Yeah, L, Ilike im you work right. You's got that fucking Hol Lok going on nowhe's he does. But without the Lazy I thougt that I thought that 's, what itwas t was a lazy eye. Didn't he have a droopy eye. Well Tom, your poy, I KNOWBMN M had one of those now too like does he really? I didn't even notice. MaybeI haven't seen recent pictures. Geing I've heard the new album, but I did notsee a picture. I know he dies his beard. Yes, IC', Ust, something that I gave updoing so. I'm KINDOF like hoarding it over Eman'm like you, may be rich andsuccessful, and you know whatever I stop dying might be. I accepted my feet.Yeah. It was sucking eminm. At least he stopped dying, his hair blonde. Youknow it's like he' went natural Brown, although I'm sure he's got graysesdying up o Begr can I just mean he started as a blonde. He started bydaying e Said Anyway, yea wer total in oeal SS, bringing up Mus and this wholethat was your nates notesgash. That was Iye. Congratulations, Amanm looks likeTom yyork and he's old man, yes youg. I do want to mention to all the listenersout there. If you ever want to reach us, it is easy you can find us on all yoursocials at selling out, show or shoot me. An email selling out show at g MAL,dotcom Anat. You have anything else. You want to say before we wrappd thisbad bitch up man. I think I think I'm good for today, but H. I just want tosay again how much I appreciate being back and appreciate guys doing awesomeepisodes. While I was gone and H, I look forward to doing mo right on soright on right, mother, fucking on well virtual hugs for all of you, because Iwant to thank you all for listening, Orock, your rule, hydro. Now, let's getour asses back Chool Im dame that is infact neat, and this has been aselling out shower. SINFIRMARYMEDIA girl, scout cooking and spire. Flavorsare now a Duncan when the spirit of the girl scouts, meat, junk and coffee,it's easy to get a Delicious Cup of can do thin. Mince and coconut caramelflavors are here to help you tackle your day, grab a medium mate orCappucino for two dollars from two to six PM and take on whatever lies ahead.America runs on Duncan the girls Cot name to Redmark, and also seted TradMaran lobe tip an Pudin tenmintesmark, a owne by girls, coute of the USA,limited time off. Participation may vary excusion supply.

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