Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 45 · 2 years ago

Ep.#45 The Pain Game


Our esteemed co-host Nate makes his triumphant return to the show! It’s been about two months since we were all together, and we’ve got some catching up to do.
He discusses the events that kept him away, the health problems he’s been dealing with, and some of the places it’s all brought him. Nate met some interesting folks along the way, including a couple really odd roommates in rehab. Click play to hear the in-depth details about the road to recovery.

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This is no ordinary subshot. This is fire house ups. Tired of overpriced lunches that under deliver on flavor, head to firehouse ups, where, for a limited time, you can get a four hundred and ninety nine choice up. Choose from a medium smoke, Turkey, Virginia, honey, ham or roast beef. Their custom made hot subs at a price ready made to make you smile. Just for four hundred and ninety nine only at firehouse ups. Enjoy more subs, save more lives. Participating locations plus tax, limit time offel. Prices May vary for delivery infirmary media. Welcome to those selling out show, your Bible. What it does is reaches into your brain chemically and no, cat your happiest memory chemically and then knocks on that emotion, releases it chemically and then it keeps your happy, happy, hello, hello, hello, and thank you for tuning into the selling out show, where we screw up life at our leisure, for you're listening pleasure. I am one of your host, David Sholts, and by my side, yes indeed, my partner in crime, the man, the myth, the motherfucking legend, has returned from the dead. Everybody. I want to reintroduce you to Nathan Gors in Skame mate. How are you, dude? I'm good, but I don't think I can live up to such a such an epic introduction there. Well, you damn well better try. Man, come on now, it's been so long since you've been on your own show. It's been almost two months. I know, I know, I know, you're this close to having a rename the show, you know, just just for to make sense because I've been gone so long, and then he could rename it with my name once I came back. But it was almost like the listeners would be like, who the hell is nate at this point? You know, I was going to keep it like journey, you know, we need to switch to lead singers, and you just say, yeah, fuck, we keeping the name. We already get the tshirts printed up. There you go, we're we're good and see, yeah, exactly, there you go. You know. So then, may I gotta Tell You I am so happy to have you back, my pal, my buddy, I mean listen, you know, before we even get to any of the other stuff that we're going to discuss on the show, first things first. You were in some dire straits, my friend, and I think our audience would like to hear exactly what happened to you and what took you away from us. Sure, man. Well again, this is feels like ancient history at this point. Sure, it was a few months ago, but I we were doing some episodes where I mentioned I had been in pain. I've had some back pain and I actually had a little fall. So I attributed all my pain in my back to that fall. But as it turns out, it was a little more than just that fall. The fall was just kind of what made the pain intensify. I'll explain. So I was going to my doctor with this back pain and he was sending me to physical therapy and give me muscle relaxes and all these things, and for about six weeks until one day after, like I said, after those six weeks, he tells me, you know, I've noticed your weight has dropped significantly, like within those six weeks. Something like twenty five pounds in six weeks. Oh Yeah, she's smelt there, buddy dude. Honestly, I mean for some people that that sounds great. Could you know they'd wish they could lose twenty five pounds and six weeks. But I'm thin as it is man, and I was, I was dangerously skeletal and you know, and I was just attributing it to the fact that I'm in so much pain I didn't want to eat or I was really depressed. I was going through a lot because, dude, being in pain, in that kind of pain for that long does a lot to you mentally just being, you know, constantly having that pain and a man. And so, anyway, the doctor says, you've lost all this weight. I'm going to send you for a cat skin because I'm nervous you've got cancer or some shit. You know, you'll lose and weight like dangerously fast. Right. Absolutely, I go for the cat skin. He, he, schedules it for like two days. Hence I go in and, Dude, within two hours, hour and a half, something like that, I get a phone call and it's my doctor and he goes they I just got your results for them, that cat skin, and get to an ear immediately. You've got this weird infection in your spine and also your liver and spleen are enlarged, which could be because of the infection whatever. I'm still not clear...

...on that. Spoiler alert, you know. But yeah, but that's crazy, macause again you're saying the doctor is fearful you have something worse than just the pain that you're attributing to a fall, right. I mean, what's going through your mind at this is time to must be the absolute worst, like what do I have? Yeah, and then you get the call, get your ass to the fucking ere. Now it's like you do you shit your pants or what? Pretty much, man. I mean there was there was a part of me that felt a little, to be honest, vindicated, because I've been well, honestly, I've been telling this doctor for six weeks that the pain feels worse than just like a pulled muscle, like I'd be telling him that and that I it felt like it was something structural, like like in my frame, like I felt like I could not physically hold up my my upper body, like my whatever, my backbone, felt like it couldn't bear the weight anymore. And and as it turns out, there was a reason, because some bacteria was eating it, like putting holes in my spine and in my my disc and whatnot. Because, yeah, so basically that's what happened. I mean, yes, to answer your question, I was freaking out because I'm like, what does this mean? It's my spine right. Well, yeah, he's a shit. Yeah, thank God, thank God it's not a pulled muscle. Yeah, but Jeez, no, but to be honest, man, yeah, I was terrified because it's in your spine, you think can am I going to end up paralyzed? And I don't know, it's worst or yeah or whatever. And Yeah, so, so that's basically what happened. He sent me to an Er at the hospital. They admitted me from the ear to the actual hospital and they did the biopsy on my spinal infection, which was nasty. They're sticking needles into the infected area to pull out samples and they had to send those in to get cultured. To get cultured was I mean they went to school? Yeah, I guess. So learned their manners. Yeah, had a whole a tea cup. Yeah, called Emily Post, but no, that's they had to find out what kind of bacteria it was. So they sent it out for all these tests and like the results of my biopsy, that is they sent them out and it came back as this nasty little bacteria called Seratia. It's this weird whatever. Some kind of sounds like water. Really people? Yeah, right, you put it up. Yeah, Saracha. Yeah, yeah, I think I sprinkling on your Tacho. Yeah, I had serratio flavored chips. Maybe that's how I got infected. Maybe could be it. But anyway, the ship came back, so they knew what they had to give me for a treatment. It ended up being a six week round of antibiotics, and they had to do them not just IV like in my vein, but they put in what's called a pickline, and that's basically, dude, they take a this like tubing and they put it into your arm, into the big artery in your arm, or the vein rather in your arm, and they fish it down like a rotor router, all the way from your bicep in down into your chest and it dips it like right above your heart, like it's like dipping into the top of your heart, which is really messed up. Yeah, I had this tube like in my fucking heart and they would give me every like eight hours for six weeks they were giving me this treatment of antibiotics through this tube and it was just like you had dripping into my heart. So that's basically what I went through. I was there for those six weeks. They well, they sent me from the hospital to like a rehab they call it, or you know, it was basically, dude, that I was a nursing home. And again, that's something that I can get into another time or later, but I was on that later. Dude. I was in a nursing home. Yeah, for for six weeks and a lot of Hot Babes. They're right, dude. It is as much out of the silver cotton candy that you can eat. I love it flash my teeth with that shit. All Right, see that least you kept your your good spirits, even though you had a tube and you're fucking heart. Yeah, man, I was getting it directly to the source. Did you know when, speaking of that pickline, they were saying when they put it in because of my history? Because obviously, you go to the hospital, everyone knows your history and they are they ask you questions about it, and I'm up front with them about like you know, I have the history with opiate use and everything, which I had to do. I mean, dude, I'm going in the I'm going in the hospital and I've got all this pain and when I first get to the ear, like when my doctor first told me to go there. By that point the pain was so excruciating that I was telling the doctors like look, I do have history of Orope. It's I know, you know, you know this or whatever. You can tell in my records, but you know, I'm in a lot of paint. They go, look, we're not even concerned about your history with opiates like this. We know you're going through so much pain, dude. They were giving me Ivy delotted, which is like basically heroin.

You know, every two hours they were dosing me with this shit and it was enough where it distracted me from the pain, but it really didn't. You know, it didn't really alleviate the pain so much as it just makes you not care because you feel so happy. You know it's right, yeah, but yeah, man, but it was like being on dope, you know, it was. It was bizarre and I've since come off of that. They've dropped me down to other pain killers and whatever. It's weird. From It was a whole weird thing. Muscle relaxers and physical therapy to de lauded overnight, dude, honest to God. And again it was one of these where I'm like, in my mind I'm almost like thank God, I'm no, I'm not crazy dude, because I I was like maybe I'm just being a bitch about this pain, but I feels really painful and my doctor seems to think that I'm being a rational and that all I need is physical therapy and I'll be getting muscle relax it's like he didn't want to get he didn't want to give me like trauma doll or like, you know, really strong I'd be profin and and Shit. The muscle relaxers my doctor was giving me were like weak muscle relaxers. They weren't even I was asking, Oh, like you know, what are you going to prescribe like a flexorile or something? And know he was giving me like the week was because he's afraid to give me anything. But that's any state of pain management nowadays in the United States of America, where the OPIOID crisis, it's going to sound weird, but it's ruined it for everybody else. Like if you were in legitimate pain or suffering, it doesn't matter because doctors are worried that you're the guy who's showing up faking or feigning a problem just to get HAH and they don't want to be the one who wrote the script that someone odied on or whatever. And you know, this is exactly I'm going to compare it to something that probably makes no sense to anyone else but me, but it's almost like drinking at the beach. Right, when I was a kid, everybody rank in the beach, everybody's parents could drink at the beach, but then one day some cock suckers started a fight with some other guy and he was drunk. So that's the reason why they started this braw on the beach. Well, guess what? Now Booze is band, no more, no more partying on the sand, and it fucking screwed everything up. And the same thing happens here where it just took a couple bad seeds to ruin it for everybody. Right. Yeah, and I know there's a terrible comparison, because addiction is a snorious thing. We know it. You know firsthand. Did we can joke, man whatever. Yeah, but you know, with you you get my point. You get my point wherein it's like people suffer all the time and they cannot get what they need and it's aggravating in these doctors become fucking pussies. Man, see tiptoe around the real fucking problem because even if they know what it is, they don't want to get in trouble. So, you know, is that really doing no harm? I don't fucking think so. That's causing more harm. But anyway, my rent is now over. Exact back to you, my friends, be hospitalized. They put you in. I'm sure you're kind of bummed about that, knowing that you're going to be locked up somewhere. For we're not locked up, but you know, put away for six, six weeks even put away sound as bad, but you speak, dude. It's funny you say that because carly, my girlfriend, kept saying how she felt bad when she'd come visit because I must be so bored just laying in this bed and looking at the walls or whatever. But honestly, God man, with my history of, you know, being locked up and having done time and solitary confinement and whatnot and literally just having to look at the walls for days and days on end, I felt fine in there because I had not just books and people coming to visit me and whatnot. But Dude, we live in the age of the Internet and cell phones and ipads where I could literally watch any movie I wanted at any time. So I was I was fine, I kept saying, if it weren't for the crippling back pain, this would be a pretty awesome vacation, man, because, you know, I had helped, you know, with anything I need. Food was being brought to me and and yeah, I didn't really want for anything, and they were dosing me with narcotics every couple hours. So I was mellow and between me, you and our listeners, I had a constant supply of edible thhc products with me. So you know the medicinal effects of those and the distracting intoxicating effects as well, obviously. But but honestly, dude, the medicinal effects I almost felt more strongly than the opiates they were giving me, like I felt like I got more relief from eating edibles or using CBD Chinctures, for example, and THHC, CBD, like all the cannabis products in general, we're helping me almost more then the opiates are giving me. So there's my little, you know, plug testimonial on that. Yeah, exactly, but but so, dude,...

I wasn't really hurting much as far as being lonely or bored. And Dude, I make friends pretty easily. So the nurses, the staff, my roommates, whatnot. I was, you know, I was never lonely. Like in jail you might get put in a cell with some sociopathic, you know, Weirdo, and at least in the hospital they kind of you know, they they tend to move those people out. If there's somebody that's, you know, dangerous or whatnot, chances are you're not going to be put in with them, right to tell you, like, yes, guy out of here. But you know, roommates is interesting because when I would talk to you on the phone, yeah, there was a guy kind of butting in on our conversation, but not not intentionally, right. So talk a little bit about that and talk about the people that you had in a room with during your recovery. All right. Well, so, once I got to the nursing home, this is what you're referring to, I had a room with with two gentlemen and mentioning like I did, that it was a nursing home, these guys were much older than me. They were there for more permanent reasons. You know, I was there getting six weeks of antibiotics. These guys were probably going to die there. Like they were older gentlemen that it seems like they didn't have family, you know, coming to or at least not coming to visit them. But the gentleman you're referring to was one of my roommates. His name was Richard, and Richard had an issue where he would just kind of I know, I would think he was on the phone. You know, we're all separated by curtains in the room. You could like slide the curtains. It's a hospital room, right, so you can, you know, slide the curtains for some privacy. So I didn't really see the guys next to me so much as I could hear them, and that guy, I'd always think he was on the phone because he was having one side of a conversation with someone. But I found out after a while that now there was no phone, like this guy was having conversations and it sounded like he was talking to like a social work or sometimes or like like he was calling a place he had just been trying to get his clothes back or, you know, that he had left at some other facility, like he was having real conversations, but it's just eventually I found out that he wasn't having them with anyone. So sound dude it, but it was non stop and like always repeating Shit and sometimes he'd cry, sometimes he'd be like and these like conversations where he'd be apologizing to someone and like it was awkward. It was like, you know, and I have sympathy for people with mental disorders, but when, you know, but I couldn't move, Dude, I couldn't get out of that bed. I was in so much pain and you know, I'm trying to read or try and do whatever and literally all day, if this dude was awake, he was talking, and so you'd have some relief overnight and you know, so if I wanted to turn on my night light and read for a while or whatever. But Dude, if if one person made a noise, like sometimes the staff would come into take my vitals in the middle of the night or something and they make a little noise in that would wake Richard Up. And Dude, middle that I he just start talking, like as soon as his eyes opened. It was like he just start talk and it was comical. It would have been hilarious if I wasn't living with it day in and day out. So, yeah, he was a character. And and the other roommate was his name is Doug, and this guy couldn't move either. Like both of these gentlemen were, you know, of the age where staff would come in and have to clean them. They were wearing diapers and whatnot. So, you know, living in this nursing home was a strange early preview of end of life care, like what I may. Yeah, dude, and it was really weird. It was really like this, especially being on edible thhc products a lot. It was like you'd think a lot about things and then you'd be like wow, like this could be what the end of life is like and I'm getting a glimpse of it now. And but yeah, so, anyway, these guys were constantly, you know, either talking or the other jump. The irony was Richard would talk non stop. Doug, my other roommate, had this injury from earlier in his life where his windpipe had been damaged and his voice box was actually severed. So when he would talk, it was very raspy, like he would you'd have to strain to hear him and sometimes you'd have to repeat things because he sounded like he was trying to talk in a whisper, but loudly, like like a whisper yell, and it was yeah, so one one roommate couldn't shut up and the other roommate you could barely hear him, especially over the other guy talking. And so yeah, it was a weird, weird group to be to be roomed in with. But Yeah, and O. and the other thing I just want... quickly mention is that being a nursing home, there were memory problems and whatnot and whatever. So nobody, especially in my room, would call each other by the correct names. So it was like, yeah, Doug would call Richard Robert Nonstop, Richard would call Doug like John or Jeff. They both call me like Matthew or eventually Doug learned my name. But yeah, so it was this weird sort of like alternate reality where I'm like, am I crazy? Do I have their names wrong, or like WHO's on first? But what we oh, you conversating about that? You need to say each other's names. Well, I mean you know me, and me and doug got to know each other pretty well. You know, he was the Guy Right next to me I was like in the room closest to the door, like when you come in, Doug was in the middle and Richard was all the way over by the window, like all the way in the room. And Doug and I became pretty fast friends because he was on a lot of pain meds too, so we'd always be like comparing pain meds, joking around and like talking about how, you know, I don't know. We both had a lot of experience with things like that, so we joke around about that or burn. You bonded over it. Shure. Yeah, being high as a kite, dude, honestly, in occasionally I'd give him some of my edibles. You know, I'm putting myself out there on this podcast, but you know, I gave the elderly gentleman who is probably dying in this hospital some some relief here and there. And please don't sue you. Yeah, what you're saying. If this guy is fucking dead right now because of whatever, it wasn't me and the edibles. I swear sack look the other way. But yeah, man, but he was a good guy. We'd order Chinese food together. They they'd come and deliver Chinese food right up to our floora in our room and we're we're two guys in Johnny's, stuck on Ivy Tubes and Shit, getting Chinese food and one it has paper. Yeah, exactly, man. It was a weird, weird life. WHO TIMS LASS? Who is a tipper? WHO's the one leaving the chunk of change saying thanks for the fucking Pork Fried Rice? Was it you or dug? It would depend. So sometimes we both pitch in. Sometimes I'd give him some edibles and he'd buy US Chinese food. You know it was were you giving edibles to delivery guy like here, you gotta thanks for coming there. Whatever your name is, when I'm going to screw up your name now. So it just take this and go. Yeah, no, it looked like the deliverymen, for the most part, had no trouble finding their own drugs. You right, if, by the looks of them, it'd be like, wait, who's going to pay for this week? Can you go talk to that guy over the corner of the room by the window? He'll hatle this one. Yeah, and then he'd talk there. So they just wanted to get out of their start crying, just be like, I'm sorry for come, I'm closer the last facility. He's like just give me twelve, fifty, asshole. You know, I do got to say one thing here is that you are being very political. Yeah, and the way that you describe the situation now, because I do specifically recall when I talk to you on the phone, you were not as pleased you're living situation. You were very agitated by the fact that this the one guy there, Richard, would not shut the fuck up. Yeah, to the ball where I even instructed you to antagonize him, maybe make him go crazy so he gets kicked off the fucking floor. Yeah, yeah, well, of course, I mean I could. There were times whereas tempted to just start answering him and like using some weird voice and whatnot. But but, dude, what honestly? Honestly, it's just when you're in it, when you're living in it, and it's just constant and you're going crazy. Yeah, it's really easy to get pissed off and like but now I'm a little more, you know, diplomatic in my assessing of that situation. You know, I'm living with a couple dudes that are that guy, it turned out was like homeless for or how God knows how long before he got there. So this was the best he'd had it in a long time. So you know. So he probably had a lifetime of talking to himself on the streets. You know. So. So I cut him some slack now, but when you're living in it, man, your you have a little less fucking patience, especially after like a week or two of just constant talking. And eventually they did move Richard Out of my room and I think gave him more of a private rooms, but it was it was several weeks of me living with him. So yeah, I was a little trying, dude. I was fucking I was not happy with Richard. After while, there were people on the floor, like I had another friend, this Guy Rob, who he you know, he was closer to my age and he was there because he had a leg amputated and he was going through all this, and that's a whole other story. But he had no patience for Richard. He would hear Richard Day in and day out, because you could hear him down the hall right talking. If rob wasn't in a wheelchair with an amputated leg, he probably would have attacked, you know, Richard for just he just would have gone crazy aft well, because rob had been there longer than me and listening to it lot longer than me. I had it full in my face, being in the... with the Guy, but rob had heard him from down the hall like for God knows how long before I got there. But anyway, that's you know. I just want to know what kind of voice would you have used to fuck with him like what you've done, like s gangster man. See, shut up of an air, Richard, I'm going to put some man ashes on you, man, or would you talk like the Voice of God? What options would you have chosen? I think I would have probably gone for some creepy whisper, especially at night in the dark, just been like Richard, Richard, kill yourself. Oh Shit, Oh shit, that bad window. Jump, roll, roll out, yeah, you can't, you can't fucking move. It's like yeah, Rock, you needed help washing his ass. Yeah, I mean, come on now, yeah, exactly, Geez, you would have needed he would have been like ringing the bell of the nurse and asking them to open the window and jump out. Can you throw me out this window, please, please to know me out this window. Did the staff? They're honestly probably wouldn't have minded doing that because our room, the three of us were all stuck in bed like there were a lot of patients on the floor that could get up and get their own meds and do whatever, but if we needed anything we had to ring for nurses and all three of us were constantly, you know, one of us always needed something and we were at the last room all the way down the hall. So then the all the nurses and staff got tired of US pretty quick. They'd come in with like impatient faces and everything, and they were great staff do but they were like you could tell they were like done with us after a while. Walking down a hall. Yeah, like it's too much work, this walking shit. I'm wearing crocs, give me a fucking break. Oh my God, Dude. Well, you did mention you had some nice nurses. or I believe it was in nurst into someone known you some books. Yeah, man, I mean I had a few staff members that I connected with a lot actually. I mean I was pretty close with this one guy. He was like a physical therapy worker. He would do exercises with the patients and whatnot. But the guy saw me wearing a David Bowie shirt one day and he was like, Oh, so we struck up a conversation because he was a big fan of Bowie, you know, yeah, man, and he was as a knowledgeable like he was like a fan fan, you know, like not just somebody that knew like ziggy star dust or something, you know that a lot of people know. Yeah, like this dude knew like all the periods of Bowie and all the different you know whatever. He was a nerd like us, you know, at Bowie, Bowie, a Bowie iight and and he was also a big Frank Zappa fan and captain beefear at all these you know, interesting artist from back in the day, and he was right, really into that shit. But Anyway, so at one point he was like, Oh, I, you know, have a book you might be interested in, and he brought me a biography on David Bowie. That was really fucking cool of them, you know, and absolutely yeah, man. And then this other worker, she was she was in the department that organized like activities for the residence, you know, put together Bingo Knights and Shit, because, dude, there's not a lot to do in these you know, old folks home. They would the activities would be like Oh, we're watching castaway. We watch USS THE WAY with fucking Tom Hanks one night, or fucking play the WII, you know, the Nintendo. We they did sure bowling, and shit some of the crochet. was there any crocheting going on? I expect some booties in the mail. We've now reached the part of the program where I would like to thank the show's sponsors, because they provide some great products to us and, as a result, I get to give some awesome cupon codes to you. First Up, we have Northland Vapor Company, and they can be found at Northland vaporcom. They are the makers of some truly outstanding e liquids for Vaping, and let me tell you something. 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...know what, we don't celebrate them, do we? We just pay him like Shit. Exactly, man. You know, here's to all the nurses and specifically the CNA's, the certified nurse's AIDS and all that, like the those are the ones doing the real cleanups, like the nurses. You know, they give medication and they get yelled at a lot by the you know, the patients or whatever, but the AIDS were the ones that were doing all the cleaning shit and, you know whatever. Just all that, like helping them wash up every day, and I'm just thinking, man, dream scenario. You would have been in a room with Larry Flint. HMM, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, here are, come over here, Harney, I need can you insert this thing that to my butthole. Your wreath thraw my, your wraith throws throbby. Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna hear that, shit'll anyway. I heard yeah, exactly. If you're gonna hear that anyway, it leaves you could be like, well, I'm next to Larry Flynt. This is going to be a very interesting stay for me because, I mean realistically, yeah, it's. And this is a weird dichotomy, I suppose, is that you are a massive horror fan. We've talked about this ad nauseum on the show. You are the horror guy and you lived a horror story, I mean kind of it was. It was a weird kind of psychological horror where I was like questioning my own sanity because I was around like madness all day, interior eating you from the inside out. I mean, yes, prior to that day, if someone had questioned you, Hey, tomorrow you're going to be in a hospital. In a week from now, you're going to be in a room with the schizophrenic and a guy who whose voice boxes damage, who shit themselves and tea's nurses about fucking rubbing their fucking, you know, their schlongs. Here said, what are you crazy? I'm not spending Christmas like that. There's no way in hell and Thanksgiving and New Year's those that the fucking Trie effected there. I mean yeah, it's really quite the listen, I am glad that we are talking today. You have returned. Joys me to no end. Yeah, and I'm healing up. Yeah, but these this whole scenario is truly I mean from the outside looking in, from my perspective, it does resemble a horrific thing. It's definitely not something that you'd buy a ticket for intentionally. Do know, it was. It was bad. It was. Yeah, it was. Like I said, the pain was just so bad, dude, and I I was saying, like it hurt to just like change position in the bed, like forget and getting up out of bed, like I couldn't even like if I was down too far, where my feet were hitting the bottom of my bed and I wanted to move up a little, like I couldn't even like scooch up on the bed, like it hurts so much. Cough or something. I can yeah, Oh, forget it. Oh, yeah, man, I know, Jeezuise, I must fucking terrible, but hey, you're on the men now, you are out, you are a free bird. Yeah, you feeling it? I'm doing okay, man. I mean I'm still at the point where I'm in bed a lot. So to just kind of say where my spine is at now. I guess the infection is cleared, like they gave me enough antibiotics where they said I don't have like my blood levels look like it's okay, and if I start feeling any certain symptoms, I got to call and go back, you know, right away. But it seems like I'm good, like the infections gone. But the other thing is that the infection did so much damage where I'm now basically missing a whole disc in between two of my vertebrae, and the vertebrae themselves have a lot of damage because they had the bone was eaten and it's it was called osteomyelitis. Is this infect are the condition I had where it's like whatever? It's like the bones all weakened and porous now and shit because of this infection. And but anyway, so the infection is gone, the the bacteria is all gone, and now that the disc is gone, I have to wait for the two vertebrae to naturally like fuse together into one big bone and do it naturally, like they're not going to open me up and do anything. They said it'll just happen naturally, like slowly, like a tree growing around a fucking barbed wire fence like it just slowly happens now, but that takes years. Well, I mean that does, but supposedly the spine shit could only they said it could happen in a matter of like months, and within those months I'm in still a good amount of pain because now shit's all grinding. I don't have that you know whatever it is cartilage disk in between, so they're grinding together and yeah, so there's still a lot of pain but you know, I'm still on some painkillers. I'm weening off those and I'm walking more and more because they say that the more I'm up and strengthening the muscles around the spine, the better...'ll feel because I'll be stronger, you know, the muscles will hold it up instead of just relying on the spine to do it. So anyway, so that's where I'm at. I'm trying to like strengthen shit. I'm still I'm bill in bad a lot, but it's you know, I'm up more and more. I wear like a back brace. I've slowly moved from not being able to get out of bed to walking with a Walker, to walking with a cane to now I'm mostly walking without anything and and I just you know, I keep saying I can do everything, but it just hurts when I do it. Like I can walk up and downstairs, I can walk, but it just hurts a lot. So, yeah, it sucks, you know, but it is what it is. I'm I'm I'm positive about it. And Yeah, so, I mean it's great because when all this first win down, you weren't positive you'd ever walk again. I mean is oh my God, there's a point in time there when you're getting your diagnosis and you get the Saratcha eating you from the inside out that the doctors are like well, you may you may be able to walk fine, you may recover, you may not. You know what I means. So your future was uncertain in a little bit cloudy. So to hear that you've taken these progressive steps from Walker to cane to just now the back brace and unassisted performing tasks is a wonderful sign. Hell Yeah, man, I can't tell you how happy I am because, yeah, there was a period, there were some depressed nights, dude, when when I remember when I got to the nursing home and they were like here we we want to see how much self clean up you can do. You know, gave me like a bucket of water and some rags and said here, try to wash yourself up. And, Dude, I felt so helpless because I couldn't even like I could. I don't know I could. I couldn't do any yeah, I couldn't even clean myself. So I was like I like broke down. I was yeah, I was having a rough time. Dude. I was depressed and you can't help but feel like I may never fucking walk again because I can't even move. I can't even like white my you know, I could barely wipe my own ass. That was the one thing I kept telling myself, like I am wiping my own ass, like I may need help getting to the bathroom and I may need help sitting down, but I'm not letting someone else wipe my own ass. Like my dignity had not let me get to that point yet. But, you know, I had people in my room getting diapers changed, so I'm like it. You know, it becomes normalized after a while, but I still was like no, I can, I can clean the shit out of my ass whole. Let me tell you, Mr Man, the whole concept of wiping your ass is archaic anyway. I mean, I'm a bidday user the day. Yeah, but they didn't have one at the nurse and all. That would have solved a lot of problems. You just turn a little KNOB and who there you go, your you tushes. That's true. markling clean dude. Yes, we need to start some kind of like fundraiser or marketing campaign for Bidays to like for nursing homes like. That's the new shouldn't have to do anything. That should just be a given. I don't understand how that's not already. You know, yeah, institutionalized thing inside these places, places, because for me I don't understand and the concept of toilet paper anymore. I really don't. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me. It's such a it's like caveman stuff. We're talking about here, dude, you and all the Europeans, me and all the Europeans, and if I go to a friend's house and I need to use the restroom, I look at, go at, well, no, but day I can't stay. Hey, hey, you know, and that's just everybody thinks I'm crazy. Everybody. No, but still, what I'm saying is, if you had lost the ability to wipe your ass. We yes, ways around it. I understand it was a big deal. That's true. Yeah, did you learn anything from your neighbors, though? Now that you were at home, and I mean primarily when you wake up in the morning, do you ever tell your girlfriend to flick your bonner? I was listen, I was doing that before. I know, I was just he did. was just me. Shit, that was that was my game, long before I met fucking say. I just forgot his name now. Well, that was frank that was a different was the roommate I got after Richard moved out. So, yeah, okay, all right, so that's frankie boy. Okay, I got you. Yeah, listen, I met a lot of interesting characters and I know how to be a perfect without some old men telling me, but I just was amused by the facts of people with dementia like trying to get some from people they had no idea who they were. Like they're probably just opening their eyes and somebody's wiping their taint and they're like Oh, Oh, while you're down there, you know, and it just soon as natural, especially when you first wake up first thing in the morning. You like look what I got and yeah, you know, hello, they're Mr Winky pans. I can see your book now, like you'd write your version of the Hobbit, from your days being institutionalized in prison to the Rehab Facility, be from Coujo to Richard and back again, and you tell the stories of all these crazy motherfuckers you have lived with in...

...these various, various places here now. They're all colorful, they're all very interesting and they're all fairly humorous. So that's yes, it's actually, I might more than the whole biday thing you kind of thrown at me. The book deal, yeah, might be more feasible. That's true, man, because you know, I could just write a book about all. I've lived a life of being forced to live with people, you know, like most people pick their roommates or pick this of that. I've the lifestyle I've lived. There's been a lot of like being told to I'm going to live with whether you like it or not, and you know. So you meet some characters in those situations. So I'm sure, I'm sure I could write a book, or at least, you know, have characters inspired by a lot of people like I have. I have no shortage of inspirations for characters. Yeah, you know, in Myfe the only flaw with that plan is nobody reads books anymore. To be like a long formed tweet, you like my roommates on thread. I have a collection of memes exactly, and this is amazing. So I know it's true. Everything he has is the true. Yes, I speak in Jiff. Yeah, if you well, that's that's up for debate. I still say gift, Gif. I like gift to yeah, I'm with you. Gift sounds like gift, like it's a pleasure. It's right, comes in a bod jiff. Jiff sounds like peanut butter. It does, which is the same thing that nurses AIDS were cleaning out of your roommates cracks in the morning when they suggested playing with their are Fallick flubberies. They're whatever, but hey, you know now there's no shortage of smells, and that all my tell do you want to get into that? You really want to talk about I really don't know. I really don't. I will kind of want to forget to thank God you were eating all those edibles and taking all those Oh my God, the laudeds or everything else that you were on wouldn't believe it. Oh God, that delatted, Murphy and Oxycode, all of it, man. Yeah, that's so boy, you know. But you know, I mentioned this earlier. I probably said it a hundred times and I haven't even realized it. But I'm going to say it again, so maybe I am realizing it. Did that make any sense? Probably not, and made a little bit. Anyway, it's a joy to have you back to it's a joy to be back, man, it's awesome, but we norm I want to say, I want to say quickly, though, how I really appreciate toby filling in yes, because you guys did a great job. Like, you guys have some Awesome Chemistry and I think you guys, you know, you guys could have a career doing shows together, man, because I don't know, you guys did great and I appreciate it, toby, I appreciate you, Dave, for holding down the Fort while I wasn't here. And Yeah, because you guys put out some great episodes while I was fucking gone. And Yeah, all I have to talk about is my depressing last two months. So I don't know, maybe I should be nervous that you guys are going to take over. No, no, no, no, no, change the name, like I said. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm just fucking around. Toby was a trooper, toby scofield of the secret transmission podcast. If you're like a first time listener and you're like, what the fuck are they talking about? Toby filled in for the last two months and he was an absolute superstar and I know he's listening. So yes, thank you, toby. But my whole thing about talking about the the wonderful nest, the absolute great feeling to have you return, is we didn't because we're so excited to talk again. Yes, we didn't plan for your regular segment. Right, which is right? No, I will, yes, and I want to go on. I'm sorry. Your Passion being music and a lot of people look forward to it, and I'm only bringing this up because there might be somebody in the audience out there you say, Hey, great names back now, where's my fucking nates notes? Because it's always a very informative direct in depth look at different genres of music and what you're listening to. But that will indeed return. That's this time around. We you know, with your absence being so long, we really just wanted to kind of dive into what you've been up to and what happened to you. That's right. That's right, man. I I am eager to delve back into music the way I mean, I believe me, with all the time I've had land in a bed, I plenty of time to listen to new things and whatnot. So I am excited to do that again. But yeah, man, I mean there was just so much to talk about today and I just wanted to get back into the swing of recording. So I'm glad we were able to do that and I hope our listeners are patient and will excuse me for being lazy and not writing a nates knows. God knows, I had two months to fucking do it, but you were, you're a little preoccupied there. You know what I mean. It wasn't like priority number one. It's health, right, help takes precedent overwriting a biopic about I don't know, but link posting rock into yeah, Norwegian blackened industrial death metal math. I was waiting for... to like totally roast me over the coals for bringing up such a shitty band. Oh listen, you know I hate link whinny two as much as the next guy. But you know, I thought, I I thought that was a joke. Yeah, it was a joke. No, no, you're right, it was a joke, but I mean you went on where you like. It's always a good sign when you have to say it was. Yeah, that's the worst. But the thing is you like Nordic Black Death Sludge Rock, and I'm like blank, one hundred and eighty two. We, I think, are way too is doing black and industrial death man always that way. They're doing now. Yeah, that's their new thing. Okay, I heard Eminem I came out with a new record. He did, and it's it's all right, all right, it's pretty good. Yeah, look, yeah, so, I'm York. Right, he's get that fucking hole look going on now he's he does, but without the lazy eye. Thought that's I thought that's what it was. Was a lazy I didn't. He have a Droopi I. Well, Tom You York. Well, yeah, I know, but EMINEM had one of those. Now to like, does he really? I didn't even notice. Maybe I haven't seen recent pictures getting I've heard the new album, but I did not see a picture. I don't. I know he dies. Is Beard yes, which is something that I gave up doing. So I'm kind of like hoarding it over Eminem, like you may be rich and successful and you know whatever, I stopped dying my be I accepted my fate. Yeah, man, suck it, eminem. At least he stopped dyeing his hair blonde. You know, it's like he's went natural Brown, although I'm sure he's got gray's. He's dying up there. But but I just mean he started as a blond. He started by dying, he said. Anyway, yeah, we're totally going on the rails here. See that. I was talking about bringing up music and this whole that was your nates notes, guys. That was it. Congratulations, eminem. Looks like Tom York and he's old. That, yes, you get I do want to mention to all the listeners out there, if you ever want to reach us, it is easy. You can find us on all your socials at selling out show or shoot me an email selling out show at gmailcom. Nay, you have anything else you want to say before we wrap this bad get up, Huh man, I think I think I'm good for today, but I just want to say again how much I appreciate being back and I appreciate you guys doing awesome episodes while I was gone and I get I look forward to doing more. Right on. So right on, right motherfucking on. Well, virtual hugs for all of you, because I want to thank you all for listening, your rock, your rule, I drule. Now let's get our asses back to school. I am Dave. That is in fact nate, and this has been the selling out show here yes infirmary media. Girl Scout Cookie Inspire flavors are now at Duncan. When the spirit of the girl Scouts Meats Duncan coffee, it's easy to get a delicious cup of can do. Then Mint and coconut caramel flavors are here to help you tackle your day. Grab a medium Lotte your Cappuccino for two dollars from two to six PM and take on whatever lies ahead. America runs on Duncan. The Girls Scouts name trade mark and also set a trade marks and logo types, including the thin mincemarker own by girl scouts at the USA. Limited time off participation may very exclusions apply.

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