Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 41 · 2 years ago

Ep.#41 Swamp Thing Soda Pop


On this bayou bustin', soda sippin' episode of Selling Out we discuss must-do dating tips (2:03), give a muck encrusted movie review of The Return of Swamp Thing from 1989 (10:44), and taste test a Texas tradition, Big Red soda (30:36). Come for the good chats and stick around for the carbonated chuckles. If that makes any sense. Enjoy!

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How to show up with cocacola energy. You're tired and you're thinking of canceling on your friends. Don't do it. Every time you cancel on a friend, a Unicorn loses its horn and becomesa regular horse. Do you really want that on your contents? Instead, grab an ice cold can of cocacola energy, with delicious coke taste andreinvigorating energy. Keep the UNICORNS alive. Show up every day with cocacola energyenergy. You want taste. You Love Infirmary media. You were. Nowto dig to this selling out gast. What it does is reaches into yourbrain chemically and locate your happiest memory chemically and then blocks on that emotion,pleases it chemically, and then it keeps your happy, happy. Hello,hello, hello, and welcome to the selling out show. I am oneof your host, David Scholtz, and normally by my side my partner incrime is nate Gorzinski, but he is still absent from class, if youwill. He is taken ill and he will be gone for the foreseeable future. Now. Last time out, I asked you to send some good vibesis way. Hopefully he did so, but guess what they're not enough,send more poor guys late up in the hospital and hopefully he will return soonerthan later. But in the meanwhile we are joined by my good pal tobySchofield, who is here last episode as well, so he's got some reallybig shoes to film in. This is your second episode of cohosting duties,Toby. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. Pretty good. That'sthat little Twang in there, buddy. Yeah, little little texts and twining. Pretty good. I'm pretty you should know. You're gonna pretty mouth.What's up with you? Man? How are you? I'm doing good.I'm doing great. What do you do today? Let's bore everybody half thedepth to start the show. Oh, man, just, you know,work. Okay, you enough about that. Enough. Yeah, yeah, nomore. But I do want to let the listeners know something very specialabout you, something that's unique, especially compared to me. I'm domesticated,Dad, hear me, roar, but I've got a ball and chain.You, however, my friend, are recently single. I am Reb Iwho, yeah, recently divorced. You like this is freshman. Don't talkabout this shit. No Polish woman's fresh yeah, but you are a freeagent. Man, you got to enjoy can go out there and so damnwild oats, right, have you been doing that already? You know,I've been out of the dating game for like seven years, so I don'treally know what I'm doing anymore. And women are tricky, sure are.What about APPS? Have you been hopping on any APPS, kind of swipingthis way or that way, doing that kind of stuff, or what's yourplan of attack here? Or is there no plan of attack? Well,you know, I tried some of the APPS and I still don't even knowwhat to say on those when there's a match. So it's one of thoseawkward I try to fumble my way through and then after two or three messages, the ladies don't message me back. Oh, toby SCO, feel theonly human being who can fuck up the word hello. That's right, it'sOh, it's it's pretty pathetic and I know it. As soon as Istart typing I'm like, oh no, what am I doing? Can yougive me an example of what you're writing?...

It turns these ladies off so fast. Oh, I don't know, I don't want to share that withus today. I think it just starts with hello, because I'm not.I'm not like, Hey, want to hook up, hey, send menudes. I'm not doing anything crazy like that. I'm trying to be arespectful gentleman. And well, there's your problem. That's that right there.You supposed to with the oneliners and all that stuff right off the bat,right, I see, I don't have any one liners and the one,the one one liner that I like, I don't think it'll it'll go overso well. Can you share it with me? It's a are you Medusa, because you make me rock hard. Oh God, definitely, don't everuse please Jesus, no good, no, but that's my favorite. That ismy favorite. It's clever, funny. I don't know where you pick thatup from, but that's definitely not one that you would use as anice breaker. No, no, unless you're like, Oh, you likeGreek mythology. I love that movie, clash of the Titans. Yeah,Penny Dropper right there. Right. Well, listen, toby, all your problemsare about to be solved thanks to your good old buddy dave over here, because I mentioned you know, I've been tied down for a long timenow myself, you know, but back in the day, who baby,I couldn't keep that fucking hot tail off of me, if you know whatI mean. And in that whole process I learned a couple tips, twoof which I really want to share with you today, and I think theywill help you be successful going forward. All right, okay, so tipnumber one. Let's cut right to the chase here. Okay, never datea girl a go on a date with a girl who owns a snake.See, I'm completely good with that, because I'm terrified of snakes and yeah, but but what is the reasoning? I need to is there a reasonbehind? Okay, well, first off, I know this kind of contradicts yourwhole Medusa thing you just threw out there. Either the yeah, nowI'm terrified a snakes worldwide went, yeah, heal, well, it make merock hard. Snakes maybe scream like a little girl, but don't seeexactly. But if a girl has a snake, there's going to be someserious daddy issues at play here, some really deep rooted stuff that you don'twant to touch with a ten foot pole, if you know what I mean.This snake is a symbol of my independence from Daddy. No, no, thank you. Plus, unless she's a zookeeper. The only kind ofpeople that own these exotic animals. What? My mind immediately goes to Walmart memes, you know what I mean. Hiked up spandex Moose knuckles, opentoad fungal feet, kind of Folk O. No, thank you. And Isuppose above everything else, despite how sexy she may in fact be,she's probably got that snake stank, you know, just a wee bit stinky. I pass each and every time. It's Gospel. Yeah, the snakestink. I don't know, I try to stay far away from snakes.Me To trust you, me, but I is a little bit of abackstory here, and I think I've brought it up on the show before,but me and nate knew a guy one time with snakes and exotic animals inhis house. Even had fucking bats, Whoa, Whoa, is right,and he was a Creepyos motherfucker like ever, but knowing that there was women thatwere into that and attracted to him and his house did fucking smell likea fucking zoo, I found that really weird. Plus they, I'll,tend to be goth girls. You know what I mean, right? Thatyour thing? Do you like the Goth chicks. Is that your style?I'm not, I'm not real picky right currently. No, no, Imean no, I'm not. I'm not against the the Goth style at all. Okay, all right, well, but that's good. Necessarily like lookingfor Goth Girls, you know? Yeah, well, the thing is too,is like, what would possess the girl to even own the the snaketo begin with? The compared to a cat or dog or bird or something, you know, what is that in her mind? It makes you thinkhaving a snake is huber cool. Yeah, you got a question right. Sonever, ever, ever, did...

...a girl with a snake. Okay, I'm on board of that one so far. Tip Number two, whenyou are on the date, hopefully with a girl that does not own anexotic animal. Right, never start drinking until your date arrives. Oh,what, what do you mean? Oh, this is tough for Youse. IsHard. No, yeah, no, no, I agree. Okay,I agree and, per the norm, I have a have a backstory forthis one as well. Is that one time I met a girl ona website way out of my league, and I mean I'm a prime pieceof meat. Everybody knows that's a lie, but anyway, my point being,I'm a little intimidated by meeting her. You know, I'm like, Idon't know. We're supposed to meet at a bar. So I showedup about forty five minutes early, put a few back. By the timeshe got there, I wasn't the most coherent human being on the face ofthe earth. So I totally blew my chance with this girl. And Imean she was Whoo, you know what I mean. But after the factI checked her out on facebook or some social media site or something and shehad a boyfriend, not none of the time, but later, and thatmotherfucker was my clone. He looked just like me, I swear, SamDoppel Ganger. I couldn't believe it at that moment. I knew. Damnyou alcohol. I blew it. I blew my big chance. Yeah,see, and I could see me needing, needing something to loosen me up,because I get really, really nervous in dating situations. Oh yeah,yeah, really bad happens to you. You turn red, you start gigglingor start well, we already know you say Weird Shit. But I meanbeyond all that, yeah, like, yeah, I get real red,real easy and really, really shy. Okay, all right. Well,which is weird because I'm a podcaster and that's what I do, is talka lot. It's having you hide behind the veil of the Internet. That'strue. That's very true. People aren't like directly looking me in the eyesand judging me like they just judge me later. Well, a lot ofpeople say, you know, if you're speaking in front of a crowd,imagine them naked. To make you feel more comfortable, think of your dateis a microphone. Hey, there you go. See that's that's probably goodadvice, actual and probably the best tip I've given you a compared to theother two, where I kind of stumbled and fumbled my way through them.Right, no, so far, excellent advice. I'm taking it all good. I'm glad. I'm glad you know book everything. You wrote it alldown. Yes, of course. Well, speaking of red, I'm glad toknow that you turn, you know, bright beat red like a cherrier tomatoor whatever, because later in the show I will be trying a Texasstaple, a taste of Texas, if you will, a soda by thename of Big Red. Plus, we're going to talk about a movie thatI don't know if I love per se, but we want to discuss a littlebit because I am a huge fan of swamp thing. We will discussthe return of swamp thing from one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine. Youcool with that, toabster. Oh, I'm way cool with it. Let'sgo get ready for a kind of pseudo maybe betro movie room mud swamp.All right, everybody has promised. We're here to discuss the return of swampthing, based on the comic book character created by Lenwen and Bernie wrights inin nineteen seventy one. This flick was released on May twelve nineteen eighty nineby light year entertainment. With a running time of eighty eight minutes. Itwas directed by direct to video King Jim Warnowski. The movie starred Heather Locklear, Luis Jordan, Dick Duruc and Sarah Douglas. The box office for thisone not so good. It only raked... two hundred and seventy four thousandand nine hundred and twenty eight bucks, and it was slammed by just aboutevery critic out there, except, most notably Roger Ebert, who actually gavethe film a thumbs up. On the SISKEL and Ebert show. The movieis a sequel of sorts to the nineteen eighty two west craven directed swamp thingflick that also featured Jordan as Anton Arcane and Dick Drek as swampy. Butwhile that film was intended as a serious take on swamp thing, the sequelcan only be considered as camp. So what's it about? Ten years afterher mother's mysterious death, Abigail Arcane, played by Locklear, tracks down herevil step father, Dr Anton Arcane, for answers. After his death inthe first film, Arcane had been resurrected and is conducting jeans plicing experiments withhis, if you don't mind me saying so, smoking hot assistant, DrLana Zarel, played by Sarah Douglas. The reason for this research to reversehis aging process. Now Arcane Discovers Abbey has the same genetic code as hermother, which is the key to his research. So how does swampy fitin? Well, he was also presumed dead by Arcane after the first filmand when we start at this one, he's busy battling one of the monstroustest subjects out in the bog. You See Swampy was once Dr Alec Holland, a scientist working on a biorestorative formula, until the Evil Arcane and his lackeysinterfere, which results in Holland's transformation into everyone's favorite muck and crusted mockeryof a man. So the reasons that I wanted to talk about this movietoday was toby is a huge monster fan, I am a massive swamp thing fanand toby has never seen this film. And as luck would have it,and I had recently picked up a copy, or remastered copy, ofthe return of swamp thing, the Blu Ray from NVD rewind collection, whichis a pretty nice little package. Is Not a whole ton of bonus materialson here, but it does have some good interviews, promotional TV clips andsome of you may remember the Greenpeace public service announcements that featured swamp thing fromthe late s. So toabster, first time viewing the film. What didyou think the quality on this movie? I think that's it almost feels likethat's why they went for a camp kind of style on this, on thismovie, so they can get away with lower budget kind of things. Youthink? So, I don't know. I mean it just feels like,oh, for being goofy and silly. Then you know, if it's ifit doesn't look right, it's just part of it. Okay, so theysorry, we didn't have the fucking money. Yeah, we don't have the moneyto make a good horror movie, so we're going to try to makesome laughs or get some laughs out of you for it. I mean,I was thinking the writers, which happen to be Neil cut the Bert andgrant Morris, might have been enjoying their fair share of the Devil's lettuce.A little whacky tobacky, because in this, yeah, this film, it's loadedwith one liners, little Zany zips and what have you, that aredelivered very poorly, mind you crazy kids. And there's even a parrot. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like that that doesn't quite make sense.I don't know. There's a there's a lot of really weird stuff in thismovie. There is a lot of Zany stuff. And when the movie begins, you get a fight scene right off the bat. Swamp. Yeah,finding amongst you like, Oh, here we go, baby, this isit, because a lot of times you don't like it, or I'm sayingyou as if I'm this is your thought, but this is my thought. Hello, I don't like it when they take forever to cut to the chase. No, you get it. You get some action right away to belike okay, I'm in it, I'm in it, let's go. Yeah, but the disappointing thing after that is just a cool cover montage for thetitle credits. Yeah, from the actual swamp thing, comic books, whichwere way, way better than what was...

...put forth in this film. So, yeah, I see that. You're like, oh, this is reallycool, it's going to pay homage to the source material. Here we go. We had the fight scene. No, you get heather locklear's abby Ar Kane, who's very erratic, very cooky. She likes to talk to plants.Her Co worker just completely ignores her while eating a can of soup,mind you, which is condensed soup, which I find odd. So it'slike a crazy person thinking another crazy person is in fact crazy. Yeah,know that. The whole first part of the movie when she's talking to theplants and stuff, it's it's really convenient for you know, yeah, thelove interest, that it happens eventually, right, right, that she mustbe sympathetic towards a plant person, because you know, even later on inthe film and she first meet swamp thing, it's like, Oh hi, howare you? Like she's meeting, I don't know, her accountant.Yeah, she's not terrified at all, like whatsoever. Even the kids thatsee swampy at first, they're terrified until he gives them the thumbs up.Oh God, the gift that keeps on. Giffen, right, is that oneof the best ones of all time? If anything came out of this movie, and I know some people say Jiff but fuck you, I'm sayinggift. That gift will last forever. Yes, yeah, now, Imentioned one liners or Zinger's earlier on. There are a few of them inhere that definitely to take a lot of a lot of thought to write.There's a moment where in the intro, one of the guys he's going throughthe swamp with a machine gun and they're trying to hunt down moonshiners and whenthey see a monster, he immediately yells out this gas coleslaw. Later ona mercenary yells it swamping, I'm going to turn him into Guacamoli. Weget it. I'm surprised no one called their weapon a salad shooter. Youknow what I mean? Right? This was definitely really piss poor writing combinedwith bad acting. But I will say this. One character in particular stoodout more than the rest, and that was the lead lackey, who hada terrible name, but he went by the name of Gunn. Yeah,you and good gun. But again he had the extra end to give itmore emphasis and Oom. And this is played by an actor by the nameof Joe Segal. Now, Joesegal, I did a little research on himfor this episode and he really didn't amount to a whole lot in the actingworld, but boy did he play henchman perfectly right. Can't be henchman.Yeah, that I was going to say. You know, when you say can'tbe, I sometimes I get that confused. I'm like, should callit Schlock or can't be? But then we start talking about that. Thehumor that's forced on you. It's definitely camp. It feels like the AdamWest Batman, you know. It's just got that like almost where they wantto look at the camera after they say something goofy kind of feel, kindof break down that fourth wall like I made a funny yeah, they're like, are you laughing? Okay, let's go back to the scene. Yeah, or the BAMSAPP POW, because there's a lot of fighting in this movie. Swamp thing like wheelded a lot of pipes, to which I thought wasweird. Yeah, you know, they never really unlike those comics that theyshowed in the beginning. They never really unwrapped his true potential and I otherwere limits, as far as you know, the whole again back with the budgetand how much, you know, they could add into the film otherthan rubbery suits and what have you. So they basically just had to havehim punch shit right. Yeah, you know, well, they I meanthey get they give him his moment where he turns into like a swampy Gooand goes into the the drainage system. You know, it's funny you broughtthat up because when there were those few moments that did tie into the comicsin some way, mind you, they weren't done well, but as adiehard swamp thing fan, even seeing this..., I go oh, yeah, that's as from this issue where that or he did this later on inthat, you know what I mean, you can still associate it right andof course the way that it was done in the comics was fucking way coolerstill. You like, Hey, there we go, there's something more morelike what I enjoy on screen. I'll also have you know I did youever see the television series? No, no, I didn't. Way Betterthan this movie. Wor Really? Oh yeah, because it's an anthology series, so while some things, like characters and stuff, carry on to thenext episodes, you don't need to watch the one before to really understand what'sgoing on. Okay, yeah, yeah, so I definitely recommend, even thoughI didn't even get your opinions on this. Did you enjoy it?Yes, I enjoyed it for what it was. Did I think it wasa spot on accurate swamp thing? No, I particularly love the two little boys. They are hilarious because of how bad they are. It's funny yousay that, because kids ruin everything in movies and TV, everything this movie, the plot is ridiculous. She walks into her little her her floral shop, and she's talking to herself about dating bad guys and then she goes andlooks for her Stepdad. He just so happens to be doing these experiments andneeds her DNA. Well, let you know, it's very convenient. It'slike, oh, so good venient. The daughter has the same DNA sequenceas the mother. Who Knew? Yeah, who fucking new? You know when? which, if the thing is he knew about this daughter this wholetime and if he needed this DNA, why didn't he seek her out?That seems like the more logical step to go into this movie instead of shewalks in and she's talking to herself and she's like, I gotta go findmy Stepdad. Yeah. Well, the thing is is the logic is lost. It's completely lost. Oh yeah, which is something that we require nowmore than ever. You know, I think a lot of times when yousee these s movies, or even even earlier like the seventy superman movies,you can kind of suspend reality as a viewers go oh wow, it's socool to see a superhero on screen. It doesn't matter how we see her, how he's portrayed, it's just cool to have it. Now we're spoiledrotten. Yeah, I know, and there's a lot more thought that goesinto our superhero movies now, but like, yeah, if you think, ifyou think of like horror movies, like the Friday the thirteen franchise.None of it goes together at all. It's just like, all right,we're doing another Friday the thirteen. You know, you know who it is. It's Jason. Oh. He was dead in the last one. Idon't know he's alive again, but he's a Zombie, you know. Likethere's they didn't, I feel like they didn't give much thought into the sequelsand stuff like they used to. Now they're all about franchises and how canwe keep this going? Look at saw, you know right, they do tryto interconnect them and try their hardest not to have big plot holes andstuff. But yeah, this movie had a lot of plot holes it,but it was a it was a good time. Like this is something thatI would have sat down with the kids and been like, let's watch someswamp thing, you know, and I think they would have gotten a kickout of it. Huh. I can't show it to my kid yet becausethere's a couple scenes that I think you're a little explicit, and my kidsonly seven, so I'm not ready for him to like, there's a scenewith some hustler and playboy magazines in it. I'll see. That's let's see.Yeah, you know, back in the day, like think of likethe goonies and some of the other shows kids show. Well, I don'tknow. Don't get me wrong, hope sure, I was definitely introduced tothings I should not have seen at an early age, right. But that'swhy I'm not playing that game this time around. You know what I mean? If I know something is a little bit iffy, right, content,like, I'm just going to skip it,... know. Yeah, no,I understand, I understand totally. I just I felt like that wasa funny scene and it's one of those that I feel like it's still kindof get brushed over. Like what were they doing? Looking at magazines?Yeah, that's what they were doing, looking at magazine. It wasn't goodhousekeeping. We'll leave it at that. You know, they were looking atsomething. They were afraid of getting caught and everything else. There's a lovemaking scene, I put it that nicely. Love making going on there. It'slike hey, eat my tuber. Yeah, Whoa ship balls and let's, you know, Make Shit happen. Did he drug her? Yeah,yeah, and that's exactly how it happens in the comic books as well.So if there's anything loyal to the source material. It's how they get downand Funky, if you know what I mean. Right, yeah, Iwas like, did she just trip balls? And Yeah, she did. Shewas hallucinating, thought he was a hunk and had herself a blt,you know. So a good time. But again, that's one of thefew things that actually like. Oh well, that's that's how it gets done andthe common books. That's cool, right. And honestly, I thinkmy problem with the movie, more than anything is I can always put itin its place again with a time frame on which it came out, lookat the budget and go, they don't have a lot of money, theycouldn't do this, you know. So I don't mind the monster effects andthe suits and all that stuff. That doesn't bother me. Right. Myissue is with the script, because it's a comic book script, not agreat one, and when you read a comic book you're the voice, youdon't eat actors. So like translating a piss poor script into a film that'sacted poorly. Well, then you get daytime soap quality performances, and that'swhere we're at. Yep, which sucks because, like Anton Arcane, greatvillain in the comics, in the movie. He's predictable, he's boring, he'sstupid. Yeah, he wented that out. You know, he's notthinking. Makes fucking sense for this fucking guy? No, no, it'she is a really boring villain. I mean he doesn't really do anything that'slike Super Nasty, and the whole time he's boss some people around, andthe whole time I was like, why are they just listening to him?Like he's not threatening at all, as he can play the organ, he'sgoing to be doing in between periods at the hockey game. He was prettygood at the organ. And then his assistant there, who I said wassmoking hot. I will stand by that. She was actually in Superman to backin one thousand nine hundred and eighty. Okay, yeah, she played Ursa, as a matter of fact, one of his odd's minions. Soback in the early s or that whole decade of the S, Sarah Douglaswas wow's she was I well, I mean maybe she could. I'm older. I don't know, because I didn't really realize it at the time,but now I'm, you know, in my s, my Watchi muchy.Hello, Sarah Douglas. He's not bad. She's not bad. What does shelook like now, though? No, no, don't want to. Don'twant to really have that guy. Don't want to ruin your time capsule. Nope, no, can do and then like head of Lock Leer Right. Some guys were always like, I'm into blond's and she's a perfect blond. Never did it for me. Still don't see. Didn't look so badin this movie to me. She does happen to grow a at one pointin the film, a little flower out of her foot, which kind ofled me to wonder, because I'm a creep, I'm like those her realfeet or is that like a stunt double? Are Those stunt feet? What's goingon there? Well, you know, I don't think it was as weirdof times as it is in two thousand and nineteen. So I met. That's just her feet and she wasn't selfconscious about some Creepos, yeah,but not only commercials and stuff and movies. I'm the weird guy that pays attentionto this shit. Like sometimes people's fingernail Polish don't match and stuff andI go poor editing, you're fired.

But they don't. They just usesomeone else to fill it in because whatever the the actors, like, fuckthis, I'm going to my trailer. Bring it, bring in the stuntfeet, bring in the Double Double Phalangis, put them over here. You knowwhat I mean, right, yeah, I want if I could write aletter without getting arrested for being a stock. Hey, back in theS, where those your feet, and return to swamping and I can hearyour one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine feet to the feet you have nowin two thousand and nineteen, like I got to hear that. The prisondoor just slamming behind me. Guy's a fucking weird old man. While thismay have been the first superhero film to feature a post credit scene, unlessyou're a super swampy fan or a B movie aficionado, this isn't quite theblast you'd expect. There are multiple reasons why it ended up being a flop, so you may just want to skip this one, unless you can findit on the cheap. While it's Nice to have the movie reissued on aBlu Ray, no matter which way you cut it, ah still a bombswamp thing. You know I love you, but your best bet for finding someseriously good swamp thing stories will be found in back issue comic book bids. Time to get our butts up on out of the by you and givesome big ups to the sponsors of the selling out show. Plus, Hey, Christmas is right around the corner and, just like the jolly fat guy inthe red suit, I'm here to give you some cupon codes on somegreat gifts and stocking stuffers. These companies put out high quality products that I'mfond of and fuel the podcast that I present to you today. First Up, we have northland vapor, a onestop shop for all of your vaping supplies. there. Each juices are dike tone and artificial sweetener free, allowing fora rich, flavorful vape. I recommend Blue Rats, which am actually enjoyingright now, and at Northland. Quality doesn't need to be costly, andthey still shift to all fifty states. visit them at Northland vaporcom and usethe code selling out nineteen for nineteen percent off your order. Next up wehave spunk loube. Spunk is an award winning non standing lubricant endorsed by aBevy at professionals in the adult film industry. But why let them have all thefun? You can spice up your sex life today at spunk lubecom.Last but not least, big thanks to Alpine HEMM. The CBD Revolution hasarrived, and there's no better place to stock up on pure organic CBD productsthan Alpine Hempcom. They carry everything you would possibly need, from gummies capsulestinctures. Heck, they even got pet products. Alpine HAP is your Gotoshop for everything CBD, which, let me tell you, works for me. And you can save nineteen percent off at check out by using codes.Selling out nineteen. And remember, when you shop with our partners, you'resupporting the show. All right, toabster. You know I love talking about Texas. We seem to do this now on a regular basis. You know, I'm a resident here. Unwillingly, I was dragged kicking and screaming,but hell, here I am, and with that I want to try someTexas things, all right, some items unique to the lone star state.Now, one thing that's always kind of perplexed me when I go into aconvenience store what have you, is I see this soda pop called Big Red. I've never tried it. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not. Imean I know I'm a Textan, but I'm not a big Red Fan atall. Okay, but let's clarify this. You are not a big Red Fan, but big red was created in Texas is very popular in the southernregion of the United States. You just happened to be, you know,that one contrarian. Yeah, I'm the one that's unloyal to Texas, Iguess. But I love what a Burger,...

...if that counts for anything. Yeah, what a Burger. I've had it. That was one thing,one of the first things I did when I got here, because every fuckingtext and you meet is like you've got to have what a burger. ThenI have a yeah, it's okay, you know, and I love whata Burger. What a Burger, but I don't understand that whole thing.Like Oh, when you come through, I've been to concerts and stuff andband people on stage will be like, yeah, I just got to Texas. We just had our first water burger and everyone cheers and I'm like it'sa burger joint, like I don't know, I don't get it. Yeah,it's okay, I'll put it that way. It's okay, and inmany ways I'm thankful to what a Burger for popping my Texas size cherry,you know, kind of giving me my initiation or hey, yeah, andthat's that's that's a real easy textan initiation, for sure. Just go hit upa water burger and you're like, all right, I've been to Texas, but now this big red business. Okay, okay, let's just getthis out there. You, you're not endorsing this, you're not making medo this. NOPE, this is my own Polish force. You, you'remy friend, the okay, and you hate this shit. Yeah, andhave you? Did you know there's a big blue also? No, Idid not, but I let's see how this goes. First, UH,for I get in a big blue. Now, Um, I do haveto know what. I'm also a soda snob. I'm very particular about thebrands of soda that I drink, and my favorite brand does happen to havehumble origins in Texas as well. That would be Dr Pepper. I'm ahuge Dr Pepper Fan. I like it very, very much, and Idon't know, what do you say? I crack this bitch open and seehow she tastes. Go for it, Rys, pop the seal gays open. Here I go, HMM, the suspense is kind of kind know,right, this is the most boring mental radio. Like I'm really interested tosee, like, how you feel. I like it. Do you feellike a change? Man? Now I've taken three sips. Okay, Idon't like to guzzle anything that's got carbonation, which just does. This is,in fact, as I mentioned earlier, Soda. I don't know what ittastes like. I really I don't know how to identify yet. It'snot like overpowering with flavor, right, HMM, swishing around a little bitof my mouth like a I'm trying a delicious wine of Vo I can't evenremember the last time I had a big read, because it's just I'm they'rejust that bad. But so many people swear and Love Big Red and theylove that stupid big blue too, which is equally as disgusting. You knowwhat this taste like to me? What is it? BUBBLE GUM? See, it's been so long I can't even think of like what big Red Taste? You just you just think of that's all you yet I'm just fucking nasty. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. It just makes me want to youknow what, it's not bad. It's not like something I would choose likeon a menu or something. If I went to what a Burger, Iwould say, Oh, give me a big Red Um. But it's notbad. It's just not something I can see people being fanatical about either.Right. So I guess my verdict is met. and Dave climbed to themountain is look down upon the people and he said, Ma, Ma,soda is only okay, but yeah, definite bubble gum going on here.Probably has a lot of fruit toasts and coloring and poison it make it red. Yeah, Yep, that sounds about right. I know. Actually,there's not a lot of ingredients on. Here's his carbonated water, high fruitdose, Corn Syrup. Nail that one natural and artificial flavor, which,what the fuck, is as like a contradiction right there. It's natural andartificial red number, forty citric acid and...

...caffeine. The caffeine content is sixtythree milligrams per twenty floral ounce. And I have no idea, how whatthose ratios mean, if there's a lot or a little, but I guessit would make sense if it was a lot, right, because that's whypeople are so fucking Cucku for this shit. Yeah, I guess. I justknow that there's a lot of red in it. There's a lot right. I I'm not in front of a mirror so I can't look at mytongue right now to see exactly how right. But it's only like four or fivestips, but still, I bet you this would stain you something fierce. Yeah, I guess that's it, man. You should go up byone tomorrow and revisit it, see if you still hate it with such passionand fury. I'm just gonna take your word for it that it's men andI'm just going to live happily ever after not having another big read. Yeah, you're going to be sitting on a porch someday, the dating apple work. You'll be sitting next to your wife of fifty years on a rock andchair, going, oh, should we're back and trash and big red nowshtrue, late Honda, now I'm a time is done. You don't wantto be that guy. Don't live with regrets. Go try it. Butactually, I fucked up because I'm notoriously the cheapest son of a bitch onthe face of the earth and I got this at a convenience store instead oflike Walmart, is something where I could have get a too leader for thesame price. Right. So would I pay a dollar ninety nine again forthis twenty ounce fucking Soda? No. You know who I think would likeit, though? Two little kids, because, again, if it tasteslike bubble gum, you can't go wrong. Yeah, I guess so. Well, I'm gonna tell you something right now, in lieu of ever owninga cowboy hat ter boots, this is the closest I've ever been to beinga Texan or or it's baby steps. We're going to get you there.You're going to be proud, you're gonna get a big Texas Tattoo soon,and you know, you're just going to live with the text and last style. So really, will you brand me? Will you just fucking get a hotpoker and brand me in the end? That's what it's going to be.That's how we do it down here. Oh boy, some people just gottabe and why not? You know the original. I see grit.There's nothing else like it. It tastes great. There's a lot to besaid for being different. Hey, how you doing? I'm doing fine,and that does it for another installment of the selling out show. I wantto thank each and every one of you for tuning in. Virtual hugs forall of you, and Toby, my man, my main man. Ireally appreciate you coming back on and filling in for nate. It's always apleasure talking to you, sir, and I'm gonna let you tell everybody wherethey can find you find some more information about your podcast. But if you'reon the show again, that's it. You Ken't. You can't do thatanymore. It's it's only twice. So if you just gotta get it outthere now, give us your best pitch hit. It's okay, okay.So if you like the paranormal conspiracies or true crime but in a satire outlook, go check out my show, secret transmission. It's on all the majorpodcasting platforms and twitter and Instagram at secret transpod. I also do a RetroVideo Game Review Show where we take one old video game, we talk aboutthe history, the Gameplay, the music, fun facts and all kinds of otherfun things about one old game, and that's secret levels, and it'salso on instagram and twitter at secret levels pod. Dude, that should beyour dating profile. Do you want to do. To know something funny.What's that? Recently I gave up on on the the the Swiping lefter right, so I literally changed my my dating profile to just go check out mypodcast. I'm not good at this and I put a put what they werecalled. That's promoting. Have you got any winks and he nudges and anyof that stuff? No, I'd like... pretend like I'm getting a bunchof listeners that are like man, this Hunky, Hunky Guy. Pretending themdown is fun. Pretending is the best. What. Yeah, come on now, same with here, the selling out show. Don't forget. Youcan find us on all your socials at selling out show. I mean Ithink all of them. I'm not hipper cool. You definitely going to findus on tender. You can find me on tender. You Go. Well, no, no, I am Dave. That is not nate, it istoby and this has been nine selling out text infirmary media. Hey,I'm Maurice. As a barber, you might think my scissors are my maintool, but really it's metro. That's where I got my iphone seven.It's camera makes sharing my cuts as simple as snip, snap, share,right now get an iphone seven with a camera that shoots for K for justfor thousand, Nin hundred and ninety nine. 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