Selling Out Show
Selling Out Show

Episode 41 · 3 years ago

Ep.#41 Swamp Thing Soda Pop


On this bayou bustin', soda sippin' episode of Selling Out we discuss must-do dating tips (2:03), give a muck encrusted movie review of The Return of Swamp Thing from 1989 (10:44), and taste test a Texas tradition, Big Red soda (30:36). Come for the good chats and stick around for the carbonated chuckles. If that makes any sense. Enjoy!

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How to show up with cocacola energy. You're tired and you're thinking of canceling on your friends. Don't do it. Every time you cancel on a friend, a Unicorn loses its horn and becomes a regular horse. Do you really want that on your contents? Instead, grab an ice cold can of cocacola energy, with delicious coke taste and reinvigorating energy. Keep the UNICORNS alive. Show up every day with cocacola energy energy. You want taste. You Love Infirmary media. You were. Now to dig to this selling out gast. What it does is reaches into your brain chemically and locate your happiest memory chemically and then blocks on that emotion, pleases it chemically, and then it keeps your happy, happy. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to the selling out show. I am one of your host, David Scholtz, and normally by my side my partner in crime is nate Gorzinski, but he is still absent from class, if you will. He is taken ill and he will be gone for the foreseeable future. Now. Last time out, I asked you to send some good vibes is way. Hopefully he did so, but guess what they're not enough, send more poor guys late up in the hospital and hopefully he will return sooner than later. But in the meanwhile we are joined by my good pal toby Schofield, who is here last episode as well, so he's got some really big shoes to film in. This is your second episode of cohosting duties, Toby. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. Pretty good. That's that little Twang in there, buddy. Yeah, little little texts and twining. Pretty good. I'm pretty you should know. You're gonna pretty mouth. What's up with you? Man? How are you? I'm doing good. I'm doing great. What do you do today? Let's bore everybody half the depth to start the show. Oh, man, just, you know, work. Okay, you enough about that. Enough. Yeah, yeah, no more. But I do want to let the listeners know something very special about you, something that's unique, especially compared to me. I'm domesticated, Dad, hear me, roar, but I've got a ball and chain. You, however, my friend, are recently single. I am Reb I who, yeah, recently divorced. You like this is freshman. Don't talk about this shit. No Polish woman's fresh yeah, but you are a free agent. Man, you got to enjoy can go out there and so damn wild oats, right, have you been doing that already? You know, I've been out of the dating game for like seven years, so I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. And women are tricky, sure are. What about APPS? Have you been hopping on any APPS, kind of swiping this way or that way, doing that kind of stuff, or what's your plan of attack here? Or is there no plan of attack? Well, you know, I tried some of the APPS and I still don't even know what to say on those when there's a match. So it's one of those awkward I try to fumble my way through and then after two or three messages, the ladies don't message me back. Oh, toby SCO, feel the only human being who can fuck up the word hello. That's right, it's Oh, it's it's pretty pathetic and I know it. As soon as I start typing I'm like, oh no, what am I doing? Can you give me an example of what you're writing?...

It turns these ladies off so fast. Oh, I don't know, I don't want to share that with us today. I think it just starts with hello, because I'm not. I'm not like, Hey, want to hook up, hey, send me nudes. I'm not doing anything crazy like that. I'm trying to be a respectful gentleman. And well, there's your problem. That's that right there. You supposed to with the oneliners and all that stuff right off the bat, right, I see, I don't have any one liners and the one, the one one liner that I like, I don't think it'll it'll go over so well. Can you share it with me? It's a are you Medusa, because you make me rock hard. Oh God, definitely, don't ever use please Jesus, no good, no, but that's my favorite. That is my favorite. It's clever, funny. I don't know where you pick that up from, but that's definitely not one that you would use as an ice breaker. No, no, unless you're like, Oh, you like Greek mythology. I love that movie, clash of the Titans. Yeah, Penny Dropper right there. Right. Well, listen, toby, all your problems are about to be solved thanks to your good old buddy dave over here, because I mentioned you know, I've been tied down for a long time now myself, you know, but back in the day, who baby, I couldn't keep that fucking hot tail off of me, if you know what I mean. And in that whole process I learned a couple tips, two of which I really want to share with you today, and I think they will help you be successful going forward. All right, okay, so tip number one. Let's cut right to the chase here. Okay, never date a girl a go on a date with a girl who owns a snake. See, I'm completely good with that, because I'm terrified of snakes and yeah, but but what is the reasoning? I need to is there a reason behind? Okay, well, first off, I know this kind of contradicts your whole Medusa thing you just threw out there. Either the yeah, now I'm terrified a snakes worldwide went, yeah, heal, well, it make me rock hard. Snakes maybe scream like a little girl, but don't see exactly. But if a girl has a snake, there's going to be some serious daddy issues at play here, some really deep rooted stuff that you don't want to touch with a ten foot pole, if you know what I mean. This snake is a symbol of my independence from Daddy. No, no, thank you. Plus, unless she's a zookeeper. The only kind of people that own these exotic animals. What? My mind immediately goes to Walmart memes, you know what I mean. Hiked up spandex Moose knuckles, open toad fungal feet, kind of Folk O. No, thank you. And I suppose above everything else, despite how sexy she may in fact be, she's probably got that snake stank, you know, just a wee bit stinky. I pass each and every time. It's Gospel. Yeah, the snake stink. I don't know, I try to stay far away from snakes. Me To trust you, me, but I is a little bit of a backstory here, and I think I've brought it up on the show before, but me and nate knew a guy one time with snakes and exotic animals in his house. Even had fucking bats, Whoa, Whoa, is right, and he was a Creepyos motherfucker like ever, but knowing that there was women that were into that and attracted to him and his house did fucking smell like a fucking zoo, I found that really weird. Plus they, I'll, tend to be goth girls. You know what I mean, right? That your thing? Do you like the Goth chicks. Is that your style? I'm not, I'm not real picky right currently. No, no, I mean no, I'm not. I'm not against the the Goth style at all. Okay, all right, well, but that's good. Necessarily like looking for Goth Girls, you know? Yeah, well, the thing is too, is like, what would possess the girl to even own the the snake to begin with? The compared to a cat or dog or bird or something, you know, what is that in her mind? It makes you think having a snake is huber cool. Yeah, you got a question right. So never, ever, ever, did...

...a girl with a snake. Okay, I'm on board of that one so far. Tip Number two, when you are on the date, hopefully with a girl that does not own an exotic animal. Right, never start drinking until your date arrives. Oh, what, what do you mean? Oh, this is tough for Youse. Is Hard. No, yeah, no, no, I agree. Okay, I agree and, per the norm, I have a have a backstory for this one as well. Is that one time I met a girl on a website way out of my league, and I mean I'm a prime piece of meat. Everybody knows that's a lie, but anyway, my point being, I'm a little intimidated by meeting her. You know, I'm like, I don't know. We're supposed to meet at a bar. So I showed up about forty five minutes early, put a few back. By the time she got there, I wasn't the most coherent human being on the face of the earth. So I totally blew my chance with this girl. And I mean she was Whoo, you know what I mean. But after the fact I checked her out on facebook or some social media site or something and she had a boyfriend, not none of the time, but later, and that motherfucker was my clone. He looked just like me, I swear, Sam Doppel Ganger. I couldn't believe it at that moment. I knew. Damn you alcohol. I blew it. I blew my big chance. Yeah, see, and I could see me needing, needing something to loosen me up, because I get really, really nervous in dating situations. Oh yeah, yeah, really bad happens to you. You turn red, you start giggling or start well, we already know you say Weird Shit. But I mean beyond all that, yeah, like, yeah, I get real red, real easy and really, really shy. Okay, all right. Well, which is weird because I'm a podcaster and that's what I do, is talk a lot. It's having you hide behind the veil of the Internet. That's true. That's very true. People aren't like directly looking me in the eyes and judging me like they just judge me later. Well, a lot of people say, you know, if you're speaking in front of a crowd, imagine them naked. To make you feel more comfortable, think of your date is a microphone. Hey, there you go. See that's that's probably good advice, actual and probably the best tip I've given you a compared to the other two, where I kind of stumbled and fumbled my way through them. Right, no, so far, excellent advice. I'm taking it all good. I'm glad. I'm glad you know book everything. You wrote it all down. Yes, of course. Well, speaking of red, I'm glad to know that you turn, you know, bright beat red like a cherrier tomato or whatever, because later in the show I will be trying a Texas staple, a taste of Texas, if you will, a soda by the name of Big Red. Plus, we're going to talk about a movie that I don't know if I love per se, but we want to discuss a little bit because I am a huge fan of swamp thing. We will discuss the return of swamp thing from one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine. You cool with that, toabster. Oh, I'm way cool with it. Let's go get ready for a kind of pseudo maybe betro movie room mud swamp. All right, everybody has promised. We're here to discuss the return of swamp thing, based on the comic book character created by Lenwen and Bernie wrights in in nineteen seventy one. This flick was released on May twelve nineteen eighty nine by light year entertainment. With a running time of eighty eight minutes. It was directed by direct to video King Jim Warnowski. The movie starred Heather Locklear, Luis Jordan, Dick Duruc and Sarah Douglas. The box office for this one not so good. It only raked... two hundred and seventy four thousand and nine hundred and twenty eight bucks, and it was slammed by just about every critic out there, except, most notably Roger Ebert, who actually gave the film a thumbs up. On the SISKEL and Ebert show. The movie is a sequel of sorts to the nineteen eighty two west craven directed swamp thing flick that also featured Jordan as Anton Arcane and Dick Drek as swampy. But while that film was intended as a serious take on swamp thing, the sequel can only be considered as camp. So what's it about? Ten years after her mother's mysterious death, Abigail Arcane, played by Locklear, tracks down her evil step father, Dr Anton Arcane, for answers. After his death in the first film, Arcane had been resurrected and is conducting jeans plicing experiments with his, if you don't mind me saying so, smoking hot assistant, Dr Lana Zarel, played by Sarah Douglas. The reason for this research to reverse his aging process. Now Arcane Discovers Abbey has the same genetic code as her mother, which is the key to his research. So how does swampy fit in? Well, he was also presumed dead by Arcane after the first film and when we start at this one, he's busy battling one of the monstrous test subjects out in the bog. You See Swampy was once Dr Alec Holland, a scientist working on a biorestorative formula, until the Evil Arcane and his lackeys interfere, which results in Holland's transformation into everyone's favorite muck and crusted mockery of a man. So the reasons that I wanted to talk about this movie today was toby is a huge monster fan, I am a massive swamp thing fan and toby has never seen this film. And as luck would have it, and I had recently picked up a copy, or remastered copy, of the return of swamp thing, the Blu Ray from NVD rewind collection, which is a pretty nice little package. Is Not a whole ton of bonus materials on here, but it does have some good interviews, promotional TV clips and some of you may remember the Greenpeace public service announcements that featured swamp thing from the late s. So toabster, first time viewing the film. What did you think the quality on this movie? I think that's it almost feels like that's why they went for a camp kind of style on this, on this movie, so they can get away with lower budget kind of things. You think? So, I don't know. I mean it just feels like, oh, for being goofy and silly. Then you know, if it's if it doesn't look right, it's just part of it. Okay, so they sorry, we didn't have the fucking money. Yeah, we don't have the money to make a good horror movie, so we're going to try to make some laughs or get some laughs out of you for it. I mean, I was thinking the writers, which happen to be Neil cut the Bert and grant Morris, might have been enjoying their fair share of the Devil's lettuce. A little whacky tobacky, because in this, yeah, this film, it's loaded with one liners, little Zany zips and what have you, that are delivered very poorly, mind you crazy kids. And there's even a parrot. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like that that doesn't quite make sense. I don't know. There's a there's a lot of really weird stuff in this movie. There is a lot of Zany stuff. And when the movie begins, you get a fight scene right off the bat. Swamp. Yeah, finding amongst you like, Oh, here we go, baby, this is it, because a lot of times you don't like it, or I'm saying you as if I'm this is your thought, but this is my thought. Hello, I don't like it when they take forever to cut to the chase. No, you get it. You get some action right away to be like okay, I'm in it, I'm in it, let's go. Yeah, but the disappointing thing after that is just a cool cover montage for the title credits. Yeah, from the actual swamp thing, comic books, which were way, way better than what was...

...put forth in this film. So, yeah, I see that. You're like, oh, this is really cool, it's going to pay homage to the source material. Here we go. We had the fight scene. No, you get heather locklear's abby Ar Kane, who's very erratic, very cooky. She likes to talk to plants. Her Co worker just completely ignores her while eating a can of soup, mind you, which is condensed soup, which I find odd. So it's like a crazy person thinking another crazy person is in fact crazy. Yeah, know that. The whole first part of the movie when she's talking to the plants and stuff, it's it's really convenient for you know, yeah, the love interest, that it happens eventually, right, right, that she must be sympathetic towards a plant person, because you know, even later on in the film and she first meet swamp thing, it's like, Oh hi, how are you? Like she's meeting, I don't know, her accountant. Yeah, she's not terrified at all, like whatsoever. Even the kids that see swampy at first, they're terrified until he gives them the thumbs up. Oh God, the gift that keeps on. Giffen, right, is that one of the best ones of all time? If anything came out of this movie, and I know some people say Jiff but fuck you, I'm saying gift. That gift will last forever. Yes, yeah, now, I mentioned one liners or Zinger's earlier on. There are a few of them in here that definitely to take a lot of a lot of thought to write. There's a moment where in the intro, one of the guys he's going through the swamp with a machine gun and they're trying to hunt down moonshiners and when they see a monster, he immediately yells out this gas coleslaw. Later on a mercenary yells it swamping, I'm going to turn him into Guacamoli. We get it. I'm surprised no one called their weapon a salad shooter. You know what I mean? Right? This was definitely really piss poor writing combined with bad acting. But I will say this. One character in particular stood out more than the rest, and that was the lead lackey, who had a terrible name, but he went by the name of Gunn. Yeah, you and good gun. But again he had the extra end to give it more emphasis and Oom. And this is played by an actor by the name of Joe Segal. Now, Joesegal, I did a little research on him for this episode and he really didn't amount to a whole lot in the acting world, but boy did he play henchman perfectly right. Can't be henchman. Yeah, that I was going to say. You know, when you say can't be, I sometimes I get that confused. I'm like, should call it Schlock or can't be? But then we start talking about that. The humor that's forced on you. It's definitely camp. It feels like the Adam West Batman, you know. It's just got that like almost where they want to look at the camera after they say something goofy kind of feel, kind of break down that fourth wall like I made a funny yeah, they're like, are you laughing? Okay, let's go back to the scene. Yeah, or the BAMSAPP POW, because there's a lot of fighting in this movie. Swamp thing like wheelded a lot of pipes, to which I thought was weird. Yeah, you know, they never really unlike those comics that they showed in the beginning. They never really unwrapped his true potential and I other were limits, as far as you know, the whole again back with the budget and how much, you know, they could add into the film other than rubbery suits and what have you. So they basically just had to have him punch shit right. Yeah, you know, well, they I mean they get they give him his moment where he turns into like a swampy Goo and goes into the the drainage system. You know, it's funny you brought that up because when there were those few moments that did tie into the comics in some way, mind you, they weren't done well, but as a diehard swamp thing fan, even seeing this..., I go oh, yeah, that's as from this issue where that or he did this later on in that, you know what I mean, you can still associate it right and of course the way that it was done in the comics was fucking way cooler still. You like, Hey, there we go, there's something more more like what I enjoy on screen. I'll also have you know I did you ever see the television series? No, no, I didn't. Way Better than this movie. Wor Really? Oh yeah, because it's an anthology series, so while some things, like characters and stuff, carry on to the next episodes, you don't need to watch the one before to really understand what's going on. Okay, yeah, yeah, so I definitely recommend, even though I didn't even get your opinions on this. Did you enjoy it? Yes, I enjoyed it for what it was. Did I think it was a spot on accurate swamp thing? No, I particularly love the two little boys. They are hilarious because of how bad they are. It's funny you say that, because kids ruin everything in movies and TV, everything this movie, the plot is ridiculous. She walks into her little her her floral shop, and she's talking to herself about dating bad guys and then she goes and looks for her Stepdad. He just so happens to be doing these experiments and needs her DNA. Well, let you know, it's very convenient. It's like, oh, so good venient. The daughter has the same DNA sequence as the mother. Who Knew? Yeah, who fucking new? You know when? which, if the thing is he knew about this daughter this whole time and if he needed this DNA, why didn't he seek her out? That seems like the more logical step to go into this movie instead of she walks in and she's talking to herself and she's like, I gotta go find my Stepdad. Yeah. Well, the thing is is the logic is lost. It's completely lost. Oh yeah, which is something that we require now more than ever. You know, I think a lot of times when you see these s movies, or even even earlier like the seventy superman movies, you can kind of suspend reality as a viewers go oh wow, it's so cool to see a superhero on screen. It doesn't matter how we see her, how he's portrayed, it's just cool to have it. Now we're spoiled rotten. Yeah, I know, and there's a lot more thought that goes into our superhero movies now, but like, yeah, if you think, if you think of like horror movies, like the Friday the thirteen franchise. None of it goes together at all. It's just like, all right, we're doing another Friday the thirteen. You know, you know who it is. It's Jason. Oh. He was dead in the last one. I don't know he's alive again, but he's a Zombie, you know. Like there's they didn't, I feel like they didn't give much thought into the sequels and stuff like they used to. Now they're all about franchises and how can we keep this going? Look at saw, you know right, they do try to interconnect them and try their hardest not to have big plot holes and stuff. But yeah, this movie had a lot of plot holes it, but it was a it was a good time. Like this is something that I would have sat down with the kids and been like, let's watch some swamp thing, you know, and I think they would have gotten a kick out of it. Huh. I can't show it to my kid yet because there's a couple scenes that I think you're a little explicit, and my kids only seven, so I'm not ready for him to like, there's a scene with some hustler and playboy magazines in it. I'll see. That's let's see. Yeah, you know, back in the day, like think of like the goonies and some of the other shows kids show. Well, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, hope sure, I was definitely introduced to things I should not have seen at an early age, right. But that's why I'm not playing that game this time around. You know what I mean? If I know something is a little bit iffy, right, content, like, I'm just going to skip it,... know. Yeah, no, I understand, I understand totally. I just I felt like that was a funny scene and it's one of those that I feel like it's still kind of get brushed over. Like what were they doing? Looking at magazines? Yeah, that's what they were doing, looking at magazine. It wasn't good housekeeping. We'll leave it at that. You know, they were looking at something. They were afraid of getting caught and everything else. There's a love making scene, I put it that nicely. Love making going on there. It's like hey, eat my tuber. Yeah, Whoa ship balls and let's, you know, Make Shit happen. Did he drug her? Yeah, yeah, and that's exactly how it happens in the comic books as well. So if there's anything loyal to the source material. It's how they get down and Funky, if you know what I mean. Right, yeah, I was like, did she just trip balls? And Yeah, she did. She was hallucinating, thought he was a hunk and had herself a blt, you know. So a good time. But again, that's one of the few things that actually like. Oh well, that's that's how it gets done and the common books. That's cool, right. And honestly, I think my problem with the movie, more than anything is I can always put it in its place again with a time frame on which it came out, look at the budget and go, they don't have a lot of money, they couldn't do this, you know. So I don't mind the monster effects and the suits and all that stuff. That doesn't bother me. Right. My issue is with the script, because it's a comic book script, not a great one, and when you read a comic book you're the voice, you don't eat actors. So like translating a piss poor script into a film that's acted poorly. Well, then you get daytime soap quality performances, and that's where we're at. Yep, which sucks because, like Anton Arcane, great villain in the comics, in the movie. He's predictable, he's boring, he's stupid. Yeah, he wented that out. You know, he's not thinking. Makes fucking sense for this fucking guy? No, no, it's he is a really boring villain. I mean he doesn't really do anything that's like Super Nasty, and the whole time he's boss some people around, and the whole time I was like, why are they just listening to him? Like he's not threatening at all, as he can play the organ, he's going to be doing in between periods at the hockey game. He was pretty good at the organ. And then his assistant there, who I said was smoking hot. I will stand by that. She was actually in Superman to back in one thousand nine hundred and eighty. Okay, yeah, she played Ursa, as a matter of fact, one of his odd's minions. So back in the early s or that whole decade of the S, Sarah Douglas was wow's she was I well, I mean maybe she could. I'm older. I don't know, because I didn't really realize it at the time, but now I'm, you know, in my s, my Watchi muchy. Hello, Sarah Douglas. He's not bad. She's not bad. What does she look like now, though? No, no, don't want to. Don't want to really have that guy. Don't want to ruin your time capsule. Nope, no, can do and then like head of Lock Leer Right. Some guys were always like, I'm into blond's and she's a perfect blond. Never did it for me. Still don't see. Didn't look so bad in this movie to me. She does happen to grow a at one point in the film, a little flower out of her foot, which kind of led me to wonder, because I'm a creep, I'm like those her real feet or is that like a stunt double? Are Those stunt feet? What's going on there? Well, you know, I don't think it was as weird of times as it is in two thousand and nineteen. So I met. That's just her feet and she wasn't selfconscious about some Creepos, yeah, but not only commercials and stuff and movies. I'm the weird guy that pays attention to this shit. Like sometimes people's fingernail Polish don't match and stuff and I go poor editing, you're fired.

But they don't. They just use someone else to fill it in because whatever the the actors, like, fuck this, I'm going to my trailer. Bring it, bring in the stunt feet, bring in the Double Double Phalangis, put them over here. You know what I mean, right, yeah, I want if I could write a letter without getting arrested for being a stock. Hey, back in the S, where those your feet, and return to swamping and I can hear your one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine feet to the feet you have now in two thousand and nineteen, like I got to hear that. The prison door just slamming behind me. Guy's a fucking weird old man. While this may have been the first superhero film to feature a post credit scene, unless you're a super swampy fan or a B movie aficionado, this isn't quite the blast you'd expect. There are multiple reasons why it ended up being a flop, so you may just want to skip this one, unless you can find it on the cheap. While it's Nice to have the movie reissued on a Blu Ray, no matter which way you cut it, ah still a bomb swamp thing. You know I love you, but your best bet for finding some seriously good swamp thing stories will be found in back issue comic book bids. Time to get our butts up on out of the by you and give some big ups to the sponsors of the selling out show. Plus, Hey, Christmas is right around the corner and, just like the jolly fat guy in the red suit, I'm here to give you some cupon codes on some great gifts and stocking stuffers. These companies put out high quality products that I'm fond of and fuel the podcast that I present to you today. First Up, we have northland vapor, a onestop shop for all of your vaping supplies. there. Each juices are dike tone and artificial sweetener free, allowing for a rich, flavorful vape. I recommend Blue Rats, which am actually enjoying right now, and at Northland. Quality doesn't need to be costly, and they still shift to all fifty states. visit them at Northland vaporcom and use the code selling out nineteen for nineteen percent off your order. Next up we have spunk loube. Spunk is an award winning non standing lubricant endorsed by a Bevy at professionals in the adult film industry. But why let them have all the fun? You can spice up your sex life today at spunk lubecom. Last but not least, big thanks to Alpine HEMM. The CBD Revolution has arrived, and there's no better place to stock up on pure organic CBD products than Alpine Hempcom. They carry everything you would possibly need, from gummies capsules tinctures. Heck, they even got pet products. Alpine HAP is your Goto shop for everything CBD, which, let me tell you, works for me. And you can save nineteen percent off at check out by using codes. Selling out nineteen. And remember, when you shop with our partners, you're supporting the show. All right, toabster. You know I love talking about Texas. We seem to do this now on a regular basis. You know, I'm a resident here. Unwillingly, I was dragged kicking and screaming, but hell, here I am, and with that I want to try some Texas things, all right, some items unique to the lone star state. Now, one thing that's always kind of perplexed me when I go into a convenience store what have you, is I see this soda pop called Big Red. I've never tried it. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not. I mean I know I'm a Textan, but I'm not a big Red Fan at all. Okay, but let's clarify this. You are not a big Red Fan, but big red was created in Texas is very popular in the southern region of the United States. You just happened to be, you know, that one contrarian. Yeah, I'm the one that's unloyal to Texas, I guess. But I love what a Burger,...

...if that counts for anything. Yeah, what a Burger. I've had it. That was one thing, one of the first things I did when I got here, because every fucking text and you meet is like you've got to have what a burger. Then I have a yeah, it's okay, you know, and I love what a Burger. What a Burger, but I don't understand that whole thing. Like Oh, when you come through, I've been to concerts and stuff and band people on stage will be like, yeah, I just got to Texas. We just had our first water burger and everyone cheers and I'm like it's a burger joint, like I don't know, I don't get it. Yeah, it's okay, I'll put it that way. It's okay, and in many ways I'm thankful to what a Burger for popping my Texas size cherry, you know, kind of giving me my initiation or hey, yeah, and that's that's that's a real easy textan initiation, for sure. Just go hit up a water burger and you're like, all right, I've been to Texas, but now this big red business. Okay, okay, let's just get this out there. You, you're not endorsing this, you're not making me do this. NOPE, this is my own Polish force. You, you're my friend, the okay, and you hate this shit. Yeah, and have you? Did you know there's a big blue also? No, I did not, but I let's see how this goes. First, UH, for I get in a big blue. Now, Um, I do have to know what. I'm also a soda snob. I'm very particular about the brands of soda that I drink, and my favorite brand does happen to have humble origins in Texas as well. That would be Dr Pepper. I'm a huge Dr Pepper Fan. I like it very, very much, and I don't know, what do you say? I crack this bitch open and see how she tastes. Go for it, Rys, pop the seal gays open. Here I go, HMM, the suspense is kind of kind know, right, this is the most boring mental radio. Like I'm really interested to see, like, how you feel. I like it. Do you feel like a change? Man? Now I've taken three sips. Okay, I don't like to guzzle anything that's got carbonation, which just does. This is, in fact, as I mentioned earlier, Soda. I don't know what it tastes like. I really I don't know how to identify yet. It's not like overpowering with flavor, right, HMM, swishing around a little bit of my mouth like a I'm trying a delicious wine of Vo I can't even remember the last time I had a big read, because it's just I'm they're just that bad. But so many people swear and Love Big Red and they love that stupid big blue too, which is equally as disgusting. You know what this taste like to me? What is it? BUBBLE GUM? See, it's been so long I can't even think of like what big Red Taste? You just you just think of that's all you yet I'm just fucking nasty. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. It just makes me want to you know what, it's not bad. It's not like something I would choose like on a menu or something. If I went to what a Burger, I would say, Oh, give me a big Red Um. But it's not bad. It's just not something I can see people being fanatical about either. Right. So I guess my verdict is met. and Dave climbed to the mountain is look down upon the people and he said, Ma, Ma, soda is only okay, but yeah, definite bubble gum going on here. Probably has a lot of fruit toasts and coloring and poison it make it red. Yeah, Yep, that sounds about right. I know. Actually, there's not a lot of ingredients on. Here's his carbonated water, high fruit dose, Corn Syrup. Nail that one natural and artificial flavor, which, what the fuck, is as like a contradiction right there. It's natural and artificial red number, forty citric acid and...

...caffeine. The caffeine content is sixty three milligrams per twenty floral ounce. And I have no idea, how what those ratios mean, if there's a lot or a little, but I guess it would make sense if it was a lot, right, because that's why people are so fucking Cucku for this shit. Yeah, I guess. I just know that there's a lot of red in it. There's a lot right. I I'm not in front of a mirror so I can't look at my tongue right now to see exactly how right. But it's only like four or five stips, but still, I bet you this would stain you something fierce. Yeah, I guess that's it, man. You should go up by one tomorrow and revisit it, see if you still hate it with such passion and fury. I'm just gonna take your word for it that it's men and I'm just going to live happily ever after not having another big read. Yeah, you're going to be sitting on a porch someday, the dating apple work. You'll be sitting next to your wife of fifty years on a rock and chair, going, oh, should we're back and trash and big red nowsh true, late Honda, now I'm a time is done. You don't want to be that guy. Don't live with regrets. Go try it. But actually, I fucked up because I'm notoriously the cheapest son of a bitch on the face of the earth and I got this at a convenience store instead of like Walmart, is something where I could have get a too leader for the same price. Right. So would I pay a dollar ninety nine again for this twenty ounce fucking Soda? No. You know who I think would like it, though? Two little kids, because, again, if it tastes like bubble gum, you can't go wrong. Yeah, I guess so. Well, I'm gonna tell you something right now, in lieu of ever owning a cowboy hat ter boots, this is the closest I've ever been to being a Texan or or it's baby steps. We're going to get you there. You're going to be proud, you're gonna get a big Texas Tattoo soon, and you know, you're just going to live with the text and last style. So really, will you brand me? Will you just fucking get a hot poker and brand me in the end? That's what it's going to be. That's how we do it down here. Oh boy, some people just gotta be and why not? You know the original. I see grit. There's nothing else like it. It tastes great. There's a lot to be said for being different. Hey, how you doing? I'm doing fine, and that does it for another installment of the selling out show. I want to thank each and every one of you for tuning in. Virtual hugs for all of you, and Toby, my man, my main man. I really appreciate you coming back on and filling in for nate. It's always a pleasure talking to you, sir, and I'm gonna let you tell everybody where they can find you find some more information about your podcast. But if you're on the show again, that's it. You Ken't. You can't do that anymore. It's it's only twice. So if you just gotta get it out there now, give us your best pitch hit. It's okay, okay. So if you like the paranormal conspiracies or true crime but in a satire outlook, go check out my show, secret transmission. It's on all the major podcasting platforms and twitter and Instagram at secret transpod. I also do a Retro Video Game Review Show where we take one old video game, we talk about the history, the Gameplay, the music, fun facts and all kinds of other fun things about one old game, and that's secret levels, and it's also on instagram and twitter at secret levels pod. Dude, that should be your dating profile. Do you want to do. To know something funny. What's that? Recently I gave up on on the the the Swiping lefter right, so I literally changed my my dating profile to just go check out my podcast. I'm not good at this and I put a put what they were called. That's promoting. Have you got any winks and he nudges and any of that stuff? No, I'd like... pretend like I'm getting a bunch of listeners that are like man, this Hunky, Hunky Guy. Pretending them down is fun. Pretending is the best. What. Yeah, come on now, same with here, the selling out show. Don't forget. You can find us on all your socials at selling out show. I mean I think all of them. I'm not hipper cool. You definitely going to find us on tender. You can find me on tender. You Go. Well, no, no, I am Dave. That is not nate, it is toby and this has been nine selling out text infirmary media. Hey, I'm Maurice. As a barber, you might think my scissors are my main tool, but really it's metro. That's where I got my iphone seven. It's camera makes sharing my cuts as simple as snip, snap, share, right now get an iphone seven with a camera that shoots for K for just for thousand, Nin hundred and ninety nine. 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